Uploaded March 2026 | Updated September 2026, 1 hour ago
Church leaders, this is important for your #marriageministry planning
Church Divorce Gap: What 1,000 Pastors Believe vs. What 1,000 Christian Divorcees Experience
This video reveal a sobering gap between what churches believe they provide and what divorcees report experiencing.
See full blog post to get some ideas on how to bridge this gap: lifesavingdivorce.com/pastors-and-christian-divorcees-lifeway-surveys-church-divorce-gap
While 94% of pastors say their church is a safe place to discuss marital difficulties, nearly one-third of divorcees told no one at church.
Though 65% of pastors believe enough help is offered, about 40% of divorcees left or switched churches after divorce.
Pastors report offering counseling referrals at high rates (75%), but only 23% of divorcees recall receiving outside counseling referrals.
The LifeWay pastor report’s focus was on institutional impact (church reputation, program momentum, Bible Study leadership gaps).
The LifeWay divorcee report's focus showed several issues including: Not disclosing marital crisis to the pastoral staff, nearly half switching churches, growing in their faith during the divorce, donating just much or more, and continued volunteering and serving.
See full blog post for more analysis and links to the surveys: lifesavingdivorce.com/pastors-and-christian-divorcees-lifeway-surveys-church-divorce-gap
00:00 Two Studies One Gap
00:37 Perceived Safety vs Silence
01:08 Help Offered vs Leaving
01:35 Referrals and High Conflict
02:06 Institution vs Human Crisis
02:48 Prevention Must Include Safety
03:34 What Churches Fail to Measure
04:35 Expand Marriage Ministry
04:50 Final Challenge and Link
Church leaders, this is important for your #marriageministry planning
Church Divorce Gap: What 1,000 Pastors Believe vs. What 1,000 Christian Divorcees Experience
This video reveal a sobering gap between what churches believe they provide and what divorcees report experiencing.
See full blog post to get some ideas on how to bridge this gap: lifesavingdivorce.com/pastors-and-christian-divorcees-lifeway-surveys-church-divorce-gap
While 94% of pastors say their church is a safe place to discuss marital difficulties, nearly one-third of divorcees told no one at church.
Though 65% of pastors believe enough help is offered, about 40% of divorcees left or switched churches after divorce.
Pastors report offering counseling referrals at high rates (75%), but only 23% of divorcees recall receiving outside counseling referrals.
The LifeWay pastor report’s focus was on institutional impact (church reputation, program momentum, Bible Study leadership gaps).
The LifeWay divorcee report's focus showed several issues including: Not disclosing marital crisis to the pastoral staff, nearly half switching churches, growing in their faith during the divorce, donating just much or more, and continued volunteering and serving.
See full blog post for more analysis and links to the surveys: lifesavingdivorce.com/pastors-and-christian-divorcees-lifeway-surveys-church-divorce-gap
00:00 Two Studies One Gap
00:37 Perceived Safety vs Silence
01:08 Help Offered vs Leaving
01:35 Referrals and High Conflict
02:06 Institution vs Human Crisis
02:48 Prevention Must Include Safety
03:34 What Churches Fail to Measure
04:35 Expand Marriage Ministry
04:50 Final Challenge and Link
![Dynamics of Abuse with Bob Hamp MFT [Multi-Language]](https://i.ytimg.com/vi/Va0B3i7xXn0/mqdefault.jpg "Dynamics of Abuse with Bob Hamp MFT [Multi-Language]
Bob Hamp, MFT, is an expert on marital abuse in Christian relationships. He’s been a Christian therapist for more than 30 years. We talk today about both male and female victims and why they stay with someone who hurts them. There are 3 videos in this series. See links below:
Video #1: DYNAMICS OF ABUSE: The Mis-Assignment of Responsibility
Heres the problem: Victims of abuse don’t see themselves as victims. They see themselves as special helpers. Often abuse victims think they can “love their spouse out of his/her trap” or fill the hole in their heart. So that results in a terrible dynamic:
1. The abusers assigns responsibility to the victim to meet their demands or drives
2. An abuser makes the victim responsible for the abuser’s choices
3. The abuser tells the victim, “You are responsible for keeping the secret.”
4. Onlookers ask the victim what they did to cause it.
The victim has resources. The abuser has deficits. The abuser wants to give the deficits to the victim and take his/her resources.
When the victim finally puts an end to this, they are accused of being vindictive and “giving up too soon,” when in reality, they are finally handing the abuser/addict back his/her own responsibility.
Video 1) The Dynamics of Abuse
Video 2) How Do I Know If My Spouse Has Really Changed? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cz085lbGi-I
Video 3) My Church Says My Spouse Has Changed, But Has He Really? - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dEx-LRT-kYs
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ABOUT
Gretchen Baskerville is a Christian divorce recovery leader and researcher. For more than 20 years, she has worked with Christian women and men going through difficult, life-saving divorces, listening with compassion to those who have suffered from domestic violence, betrayal, infidelity, and emotional abuse. She helps heartbroken people find strength and courage and healing.
Her book, The Life-Saving Divorce is about the one-half of U.S. divorces that are for very serious reasons. She will give you optimism about your childrens future (nearly 8 in 10 children turn out fine after divorce, according to top researchers); and will help you understand emotional abuse, gaslighting, the abuse cycle, and tips for surviving high-conflict divorces.
FOR A DISCUSSION ON THE TOPIC OF ABUSE, read chapter 4 in The Life-Saving Divorce book, or go to www.lifesavingdivorce.com/130examples to understand overt and covert emotional, physical, spiritual, and sexual abuse and neglect.
Whats a Life-Saving Divorce? A Life-Saving Divorce is a divorce for the serious reasons: a pattern of chronic emotional abuse, infidelity, domestic violence, sexual immorality, felony behavior, neglect, substance abuse, etc.
Book, The Life-Saving Divorce: Hope for People Leaving Destructive Relationships
Paperback or eBook: https://amzn.to/3CCBsnr AUDIOBOOK: https://amzn.to/4f52Mh4
As an Amazon Associate I earn from qualifying purchases.
Follow Gretchen Baskerville:
Subscribe to Gretchens You Tube channel: / @lifesavingdivorce
Facebook: facebook.com/lifesavingdivorce
Twitter: / ggbaskerville
Other helpful links
Website and Blog: http://www.LifeSavingDivorce.com
Life-Saving Divorce Email Signup: http://www.LifeSavingDivorce.com/courage")
