Uploaded December 2021 | Updated September 2026, 1 hour ago
Fact Check: (Jump to minute 14:23) I found 12 problems with Focus on the Family's video "The Effects of Divorce on Children" More: lifesavingdivorce.com/fotfvideo1
See time stamps below.
Background: Focus on the Family doesn't interview experts for this video, just their own staff. None of these guests, Danny Huerta, Tim Sanford, or John Trent is a child psychologist, a family researcher who had interviewed a thousand children, or even a parent who had divorced years ago and can talk about the ups and downs of child-raising.
So they offer a lot of HALF-TRUTHS. Link to the original Focus video: youtu.be/qicaUBM1RKE
HALF-TRUTHS FROM THE VIDEO
15:55 1. They claim there is is a "generational cycle of divorce" - NO.
Truth: Just because the parents divorced, doesn't mean the kids will. In fact, most children of divorce who marry have life-long marriages themselves. lifesavingdivorce.com/parentaldivorce
16:48. 2. Claim that *divorce* causes the emotional load on kids (and ignore the tension, abuse, conflict, substance addictions, and/or violence in the home that led to the divorce)
Truth: lifesavingdivorce.com/wallerstein
17:25 3. Sanford falsely claims that tension in the home is "child abuse" per Colorado law.
Truth: "Tension" is what people feel when their spouse is cheating, lying, and abusing them. It's not in Colorado law.
19:10 4. They claim God hates divorce and offer no exceptions given for infidelity, abuse, or pedophilia
Truth: The Bible allows divorce for abuse, adultery, abandonment, and addictions. lifesavingdivorce.com/abuse-in-bible
19:52. 5. Categorizing all marriage problems as merely “messy,” not ever dangerous or destructive.This word minimizes some marriage-destroying sins. Some "messes" are very serious. lifesavingdivorce.com/abuse-and-kids
20:29 6. They (rightly) tell abuse victims to "get to safety" but it is only temporarily because Focus on the Family's official policy does not condone divorce for abuse, no matter how bad. lifesavingdivorce.com/fotfdivorce
21:20 7. They suggest that children are angry at the parent who FILED for divorce.
Not true! When older children figure out who the abuser or cheater was, they know who "broke the vows," and usually (not always) side with the innocent parent. lifesavingdivorce.com/abuse-and-kids/.
22:11 8. They suggest that a healthy child is one who "honors both parents" and sees both parents as “broken” (suggesting both are equally at fault), even when only one was abusing, cheating, law-breaking, or alcoholic. FOTF is gaslighting children and "mutualizing" the sin. Ignoring sin is not a sign of a child's health. Kids are not fools.
24:35 9. They pretend that the godly spouse can “bring health” back into the marriage single-handedly. But you cannot make another person behave. You cannot control a person who is committed to sinning.
25:00 10. Believing that therapy can fix serious marriage problems, where one spouse has a pattern of cheating, abusing or addictions. But abusers and cheaters don't want to change.
25:55 11. These three men advocate something called co-parenting and setting aside your disagreements for the kids’ sake, but sometimes the other parent is not safe. This isn't an option if you are in danger.
Watch the video for the other points, including the painful irony at minute 27:20.
The Jaffee Study: Anti-social fathers are bad for kids. See my summary + link to original study: lifesavingdivorce.com/jaffee
The Good Side of Life-Saving Divorce - lifesavingdivorce.com/12facts
Other Misleading Focus on the Family articles on kids and divorce:
A. lifesavingdivorce.com/fotfbisignano (Angela Bisignano)
B. lifesavingdivorce.com/fotfdivorce1 (Amy J. Desai)
-----
FOR A DISCUSSION ON THE TOPIC OF Kids and Divorce, read Chapter 7 in The Life-Saving Divorce book.
ABOUT
Gretchen Baskerville is a Christian divorce recovery leader and researcher. Since 1998, she has worked in churches in the Los Angeles area. She helps heartbroken people find strength, courage, and healing. For more than 25 years she has worked with Christian women and men going through difficult, life-saving divorces, listening with compassion to those who have suffered from domestic violence, betrayal, infidelity, addicted partners, and emotional abuse.
For more information:
Website and Blog: LifeSavingDivorce.com
Bluesky: https://bsky.app/profile/lifesavingdivorce.bsky.social
Facebook facebook.com/lifesavingdivorce
Instagram instagram.com/gretchenbaskerville
You Tube youtube.com/@lifesavingdivorce
Twitter twitter.com/GGBaskerville
Book, "The Life-Saving Divorce: Hope for People Leaving Destructive Relationships"
Paperback or eBook: amzn.to/3CCBsnr AUDIOBOOK: amzn.to/4f52Mh4
As an Amazon Associate I earn from qualifying purchases.
Fact Check: (Jump to minute 14:23) I found 12 problems with Focus on the Family's video "The Effects of Divorce on Children" More: lifesavingdivorce.com/fotfvideo1
See time stamps below.
Background: Focus on the Family doesn't interview experts for this video, just their own staff. None of these guests, Danny Huerta, Tim Sanford, or John Trent is a child psychologist, a family researcher who had interviewed a thousand children, or even a parent who had divorced years ago and can talk about the ups and downs of child-raising.
So they offer a lot of HALF-TRUTHS. Link to the original Focus video: youtu.be/qicaUBM1RKE
HALF-TRUTHS FROM THE VIDEO
15:55 1. They claim there is is a "generational cycle of divorce" - NO.
Truth: Just because the parents divorced, doesn't mean the kids will. In fact, most children of divorce who marry have life-long marriages themselves. lifesavingdivorce.com/parentaldivorce
16:48. 2. Claim that *divorce* causes the emotional load on kids (and ignore the tension, abuse, conflict, substance addictions, and/or violence in the home that led to the divorce)
Truth: lifesavingdivorce.com/wallerstein
17:25 3. Sanford falsely claims that tension in the home is "child abuse" per Colorado law.
Truth: "Tension" is what people feel when their spouse is cheating, lying, and abusing them. It's not in Colorado law.
19:10 4. They claim God hates divorce and offer no exceptions given for infidelity, abuse, or pedophilia
Truth: The Bible allows divorce for abuse, adultery, abandonment, and addictions. lifesavingdivorce.com/abuse-in-bible
19:52. 5. Categorizing all marriage problems as merely “messy,” not ever dangerous or destructive.This word minimizes some marriage-destroying sins. Some "messes" are very serious. lifesavingdivorce.com/abuse-and-kids
20:29 6. They (rightly) tell abuse victims to "get to safety" but it is only temporarily because Focus on the Family's official policy does not condone divorce for abuse, no matter how bad. lifesavingdivorce.com/fotfdivorce
21:20 7. They suggest that children are angry at the parent who FILED for divorce.
Not true! When older children figure out who the abuser or cheater was, they know who "broke the vows," and usually (not always) side with the innocent parent. lifesavingdivorce.com/abuse-and-kids/.
22:11 8. They suggest that a healthy child is one who "honors both parents" and sees both parents as “broken” (suggesting both are equally at fault), even when only one was abusing, cheating, law-breaking, or alcoholic. FOTF is gaslighting children and "mutualizing" the sin. Ignoring sin is not a sign of a child's health. Kids are not fools.
24:35 9. They pretend that the godly spouse can “bring health” back into the marriage single-handedly. But you cannot make another person behave. You cannot control a person who is committed to sinning.
25:00 10. Believing that therapy can fix serious marriage problems, where one spouse has a pattern of cheating, abusing or addictions. But abusers and cheaters don't want to change.
25:55 11. These three men advocate something called co-parenting and setting aside your disagreements for the kids’ sake, but sometimes the other parent is not safe. This isn't an option if you are in danger.
Watch the video for the other points, including the painful irony at minute 27:20.
The Jaffee Study: Anti-social fathers are bad for kids. See my summary + link to original study: lifesavingdivorce.com/jaffee
The Good Side of Life-Saving Divorce - lifesavingdivorce.com/12facts
Other Misleading Focus on the Family articles on kids and divorce:
A. lifesavingdivorce.com/fotfbisignano (Angela Bisignano)
B. lifesavingdivorce.com/fotfdivorce1 (Amy J. Desai)
-----
FOR A DISCUSSION ON THE TOPIC OF Kids and Divorce, read Chapter 7 in The Life-Saving Divorce book.
ABOUT
Gretchen Baskerville is a Christian divorce recovery leader and researcher. Since 1998, she has worked in churches in the Los Angeles area. She helps heartbroken people find strength, courage, and healing. For more than 25 years she has worked with Christian women and men going through difficult, life-saving divorces, listening with compassion to those who have suffered from domestic violence, betrayal, infidelity, addicted partners, and emotional abuse.
For more information:
Website and Blog: LifeSavingDivorce.com
Bluesky: https://bsky.app/profile/lifesavingdivorce.bsky.social
Facebook facebook.com/lifesavingdivorce
Instagram instagram.com/gretchenbaskerville
You Tube youtube.com/@lifesavingdivorce
Twitter twitter.com/GGBaskerville
Book, "The Life-Saving Divorce: Hope for People Leaving Destructive Relationships"
Paperback or eBook: amzn.to/3CCBsnr AUDIOBOOK: amzn.to/4f52Mh4
As an Amazon Associate I earn from qualifying purchases.
![Dynamics of Abuse with Bob Hamp MFT [Multi-Language]](https://i.ytimg.com/vi/Va0B3i7xXn0/mqdefault.jpg "Dynamics of Abuse with Bob Hamp MFT [Multi-Language]
Bob Hamp, MFT, is an expert on marital abuse in Christian relationships. He’s been a Christian therapist for more than 30 years. We talk today about both male and female victims and why they stay with someone who hurts them. There are 3 videos in this series. See links below:
Video #1: DYNAMICS OF ABUSE: The Mis-Assignment of Responsibility
Heres the problem: Victims of abuse don’t see themselves as victims. They see themselves as special helpers. Often abuse victims think they can “love their spouse out of his/her trap” or fill the hole in their heart. So that results in a terrible dynamic:
1. The abusers assigns responsibility to the victim to meet their demands or drives
2. An abuser makes the victim responsible for the abuser’s choices
3. The abuser tells the victim, “You are responsible for keeping the secret.”
4. Onlookers ask the victim what they did to cause it.
The victim has resources. The abuser has deficits. The abuser wants to give the deficits to the victim and take his/her resources.
When the victim finally puts an end to this, they are accused of being vindictive and “giving up too soon,” when in reality, they are finally handing the abuser/addict back his/her own responsibility.
Video 1) The Dynamics of Abuse
Video 2) How Do I Know If My Spouse Has Really Changed? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cz085lbGi-I
Video 3) My Church Says My Spouse Has Changed, But Has He Really? - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dEx-LRT-kYs
————
ABOUT
Gretchen Baskerville is a Christian divorce recovery leader and researcher. For more than 20 years, she has worked with Christian women and men going through difficult, life-saving divorces, listening with compassion to those who have suffered from domestic violence, betrayal, infidelity, and emotional abuse. She helps heartbroken people find strength and courage and healing.
Her book, The Life-Saving Divorce is about the one-half of U.S. divorces that are for very serious reasons. She will give you optimism about your childrens future (nearly 8 in 10 children turn out fine after divorce, according to top researchers); and will help you understand emotional abuse, gaslighting, the abuse cycle, and tips for surviving high-conflict divorces.
FOR A DISCUSSION ON THE TOPIC OF ABUSE, read chapter 4 in The Life-Saving Divorce book, or go to www.lifesavingdivorce.com/130examples to understand overt and covert emotional, physical, spiritual, and sexual abuse and neglect.
Whats a Life-Saving Divorce? A Life-Saving Divorce is a divorce for the serious reasons: a pattern of chronic emotional abuse, infidelity, domestic violence, sexual immorality, felony behavior, neglect, substance abuse, etc.
Book, The Life-Saving Divorce: Hope for People Leaving Destructive Relationships
Paperback or eBook: https://amzn.to/3CCBsnr AUDIOBOOK: https://amzn.to/4f52Mh4
As an Amazon Associate I earn from qualifying purchases.
Follow Gretchen Baskerville:
Subscribe to Gretchens You Tube channel: / @lifesavingdivorce
Facebook: facebook.com/lifesavingdivorce
Twitter: / ggbaskerville
Other helpful links
Website and Blog: http://www.LifeSavingDivorce.com
Life-Saving Divorce Email Signup: http://www.LifeSavingDivorce.com/courage")
