Uploaded March 2021 | Updated September 2026, 1 hour ago
I asked women and men in my online Christian divorce recovery group what they thought of the book LOVE AND RESPECT by Emerson Eggerichs. I wanted their opinions because many of them tried for decades to fix their painful marriages.
In just 24 hours a flood of responses came in. Many said they had actually read the book while they were married, in their Sunday school class or small group or a marriage retreat or a copy was given to them by well-meaning friends. And the vast majority said the book harmed their marriage. Many said it turned their husband into a mean, self-centered person. (Some men chimed in too.) In this video I read a lot of their comments (anonymously, of course). More comments in this article: lifesavingdivorce.com/loveandrespect
In this video I read the comments of 25 people who read the book "Love and Respect."
Based on the comments I don’t think Eggerichs understands domestic violence and emotional abuse, and by not identifying it and condemning it, he actually encourages it.
Here's a link to a 2019 video of him on stage giving a talk at Houston’s First Baptist Church where he describes criminal assault—physical violence in his childhood home—and doesn’t even call it abuse. youtu.be/a3x76Xuocpw?t=1500
His father tried to strangle his mother—which is very serious as we all know, often considered felony assault. His mother left for 5 years. And apparently Eggerichs’ father sent him to military school for 5 years due to “family issues.”
Emerson doesn’t condemn his father’s attack on his mother. He doesn’t call it criminal—or domestic violence. He doesn’t even say it was abusive.
If Eggerichs doesn't recognize the strangling of his own mother as abuse, he really doesn't believe in abuse at all.
He doesn’t talk about his mother’s safety. He doesn't suggest she was justified to get away. He doesn't mention any change in his father’s behavior that caused her to return 5 years later. He merely suggests that “coming to Christ” is all you need.
And yet the comments I just read to you were from Christian church-going couples. They had "come to Christ" at some point in their lives.
To be fair to Eggerichs, I did get some positive comments, which I read at the beginning of the video.
But the bottom line? If you're a pastor or a Bible study leader or in charge of marriage ministry, there are much better book study options for marriage enrichment. Here is a list of the BEST BOOKS on marriage for Christians.
5 HELPFUL BOOKS ABOUT MARRIAGE AND SEX FOR CHRISTIANS
1. The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work by John M. Gottman (tied) - amzn.to/2P3btSv
1. The Gift of Sex by Clifford and Joyce Penner (tied) - amzn.to/2OZ3plQ
3. Boundaries in Marriage by Henry Cloud and John Townsend (tied) - amzn.to/3vyRJHt
3. Sacred Marriage by Gary Thomas (tied) - amzn.to/3qRnvM7
5. Intimate Issues by Linda Dillow and Lorraine Pintus - amzn.to/3ll4OPT
(These are Amazon affiliate links.)
To see the whole chart, comparing the best and worst of the most popular Christian marriage books see link below.
Here's the rubric and scorecard for the 14 books. tolovehonorandvacuum.com/gsr-rubric
---------
FOR A DISCUSSION ON THE TOPIC OF ABUSE along with 130 examples of abuse, read Chapter 4 in The Life-Saving Divorce book. amzn.to/3CCBsnr or AUDIOBOOK: amzn.to/4f52Mh4
ABOUT
Gretchen Baskerville is a Christian divorce recovery leader and researcher. Since 1998, she has worked in churches in the Los Angeles area. She helps heartbroken people find strength, courage, and healing. For more than 25 years she has worked with Christian women and men going through difficult, life-saving divorces, listening with compassion to those who have suffered from domestic violence, betrayal, infidelity, addicted partners, and emotional abuse.
Herself the survivor of a toxic marriage, she walked through her own lifesaving divorce and was a single mother for many years. Today she is happily remarried. She is a graduate of Wheaton College with a degree in Bible and Christian Education.
For more information:
Website and Blog: LifeSavingDivorce.com
Bluesky: https://bsky.app/profile/lifesavingdivorce.bsky.social
Facebook facebook.com/lifesavingdivorce
Instagram instagram.com/gretchenbaskerville
You Tube youtube.com/@lifesavingdivorce
Twitter twitter.com/GGBaskerville
What's a Life-Saving Divorce? A Life-Saving Divorce is a divorce for serious reasons: a pattern of sexual immorality, physical abuse, chronic emotional abuse, domestic violence, felony behavior, life-destroying addictions, or abandonment/neglect.
Book, "The Life-Saving Divorce: Hope for People Leaving Destructive Relationships"
Paperback or eBook: amzn.to/3CCBsnr AUDIOBOOK: amzn.to/4f52Mh4
As an Amazon Associate I earn from qualifying purchases.
I asked women and men in my online Christian divorce recovery group what they thought of the book LOVE AND RESPECT by Emerson Eggerichs. I wanted their opinions because many of them tried for decades to fix their painful marriages.
In just 24 hours a flood of responses came in. Many said they had actually read the book while they were married, in their Sunday school class or small group or a marriage retreat or a copy was given to them by well-meaning friends. And the vast majority said the book harmed their marriage. Many said it turned their husband into a mean, self-centered person. (Some men chimed in too.) In this video I read a lot of their comments (anonymously, of course). More comments in this article: lifesavingdivorce.com/loveandrespect
In this video I read the comments of 25 people who read the book "Love and Respect."
Based on the comments I don’t think Eggerichs understands domestic violence and emotional abuse, and by not identifying it and condemning it, he actually encourages it.
Here's a link to a 2019 video of him on stage giving a talk at Houston’s First Baptist Church where he describes criminal assault—physical violence in his childhood home—and doesn’t even call it abuse. youtu.be/a3x76Xuocpw?t=1500
His father tried to strangle his mother—which is very serious as we all know, often considered felony assault. His mother left for 5 years. And apparently Eggerichs’ father sent him to military school for 5 years due to “family issues.”
Emerson doesn’t condemn his father’s attack on his mother. He doesn’t call it criminal—or domestic violence. He doesn’t even say it was abusive.
If Eggerichs doesn't recognize the strangling of his own mother as abuse, he really doesn't believe in abuse at all.
He doesn’t talk about his mother’s safety. He doesn't suggest she was justified to get away. He doesn't mention any change in his father’s behavior that caused her to return 5 years later. He merely suggests that “coming to Christ” is all you need.
And yet the comments I just read to you were from Christian church-going couples. They had "come to Christ" at some point in their lives.
To be fair to Eggerichs, I did get some positive comments, which I read at the beginning of the video.
But the bottom line? If you're a pastor or a Bible study leader or in charge of marriage ministry, there are much better book study options for marriage enrichment. Here is a list of the BEST BOOKS on marriage for Christians.
5 HELPFUL BOOKS ABOUT MARRIAGE AND SEX FOR CHRISTIANS
1. The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work by John M. Gottman (tied) - amzn.to/2P3btSv
1. The Gift of Sex by Clifford and Joyce Penner (tied) - amzn.to/2OZ3plQ
3. Boundaries in Marriage by Henry Cloud and John Townsend (tied) - amzn.to/3vyRJHt
3. Sacred Marriage by Gary Thomas (tied) - amzn.to/3qRnvM7
5. Intimate Issues by Linda Dillow and Lorraine Pintus - amzn.to/3ll4OPT
(These are Amazon affiliate links.)
To see the whole chart, comparing the best and worst of the most popular Christian marriage books see link below.
Here's the rubric and scorecard for the 14 books. tolovehonorandvacuum.com/gsr-rubric
---------
FOR A DISCUSSION ON THE TOPIC OF ABUSE along with 130 examples of abuse, read Chapter 4 in The Life-Saving Divorce book. amzn.to/3CCBsnr or AUDIOBOOK: amzn.to/4f52Mh4
ABOUT
Gretchen Baskerville is a Christian divorce recovery leader and researcher. Since 1998, she has worked in churches in the Los Angeles area. She helps heartbroken people find strength, courage, and healing. For more than 25 years she has worked with Christian women and men going through difficult, life-saving divorces, listening with compassion to those who have suffered from domestic violence, betrayal, infidelity, addicted partners, and emotional abuse.
Herself the survivor of a toxic marriage, she walked through her own lifesaving divorce and was a single mother for many years. Today she is happily remarried. She is a graduate of Wheaton College with a degree in Bible and Christian Education.
For more information:
Website and Blog: LifeSavingDivorce.com
Bluesky: https://bsky.app/profile/lifesavingdivorce.bsky.social
Facebook facebook.com/lifesavingdivorce
Instagram instagram.com/gretchenbaskerville
You Tube youtube.com/@lifesavingdivorce
Twitter twitter.com/GGBaskerville
What's a Life-Saving Divorce? A Life-Saving Divorce is a divorce for serious reasons: a pattern of sexual immorality, physical abuse, chronic emotional abuse, domestic violence, felony behavior, life-destroying addictions, or abandonment/neglect.
Book, "The Life-Saving Divorce: Hope for People Leaving Destructive Relationships"
Paperback or eBook: amzn.to/3CCBsnr AUDIOBOOK: amzn.to/4f52Mh4
As an Amazon Associate I earn from qualifying purchases.
![Dynamics of Abuse with Bob Hamp MFT [Multi-Language]](https://i.ytimg.com/vi/Va0B3i7xXn0/mqdefault.jpg "Dynamics of Abuse with Bob Hamp MFT [Multi-Language]
Bob Hamp, MFT, is an expert on marital abuse in Christian relationships. He’s been a Christian therapist for more than 30 years. We talk today about both male and female victims and why they stay with someone who hurts them. There are 3 videos in this series. See links below:
Video #1: DYNAMICS OF ABUSE: The Mis-Assignment of Responsibility
Heres the problem: Victims of abuse don’t see themselves as victims. They see themselves as special helpers. Often abuse victims think they can “love their spouse out of his/her trap” or fill the hole in their heart. So that results in a terrible dynamic:
1. The abusers assigns responsibility to the victim to meet their demands or drives
2. An abuser makes the victim responsible for the abuser’s choices
3. The abuser tells the victim, “You are responsible for keeping the secret.”
4. Onlookers ask the victim what they did to cause it.
The victim has resources. The abuser has deficits. The abuser wants to give the deficits to the victim and take his/her resources.
When the victim finally puts an end to this, they are accused of being vindictive and “giving up too soon,” when in reality, they are finally handing the abuser/addict back his/her own responsibility.
Video 1) The Dynamics of Abuse
Video 2) How Do I Know If My Spouse Has Really Changed? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cz085lbGi-I
Video 3) My Church Says My Spouse Has Changed, But Has He Really? - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dEx-LRT-kYs
————
ABOUT
Gretchen Baskerville is a Christian divorce recovery leader and researcher. For more than 20 years, she has worked with Christian women and men going through difficult, life-saving divorces, listening with compassion to those who have suffered from domestic violence, betrayal, infidelity, and emotional abuse. She helps heartbroken people find strength and courage and healing.
Her book, The Life-Saving Divorce is about the one-half of U.S. divorces that are for very serious reasons. She will give you optimism about your childrens future (nearly 8 in 10 children turn out fine after divorce, according to top researchers); and will help you understand emotional abuse, gaslighting, the abuse cycle, and tips for surviving high-conflict divorces.
FOR A DISCUSSION ON THE TOPIC OF ABUSE, read chapter 4 in The Life-Saving Divorce book, or go to www.lifesavingdivorce.com/130examples to understand overt and covert emotional, physical, spiritual, and sexual abuse and neglect.
Whats a Life-Saving Divorce? A Life-Saving Divorce is a divorce for the serious reasons: a pattern of chronic emotional abuse, infidelity, domestic violence, sexual immorality, felony behavior, neglect, substance abuse, etc.
Book, The Life-Saving Divorce: Hope for People Leaving Destructive Relationships
Paperback or eBook: https://amzn.to/3CCBsnr AUDIOBOOK: https://amzn.to/4f52Mh4
As an Amazon Associate I earn from qualifying purchases.
Follow Gretchen Baskerville:
Subscribe to Gretchens You Tube channel: / @lifesavingdivorce
Facebook: facebook.com/lifesavingdivorce
Twitter: / ggbaskerville
Other helpful links
Website and Blog: http://www.LifeSavingDivorce.com
Life-Saving Divorce Email Signup: http://www.LifeSavingDivorce.com/courage")
