Uploaded July 2020 | Updated September 2026, 2 hours ago
What should pastors do when someone comes and says they are a victim of physical or emotional abuse? Pastor Neil Schori, of the Edge Church in Aurora, Illinois, tells how he changed his approach to ministering to abuse victims, after one of his church members came to him to tell him about her fears about her husband. The woman, Stacy Peterson, disappeared 2 months later and was never seen again. Pastor Schori became a key witness in a murder trial against her husband, police officer Drew Peterson. Drew was convicted. Pastor Schori has a calling to train other pastors and church leaders to handle domestic violence (DV) better.
In this powerful video, you'll hear Pastor Schori talk about...
♦️ The story of Stacy and Drew Peterson — and the murder trial where Neil was a key witness. (To hear a longer version of this, watch Pastor Schori's sermon youtu.be/74Eb1xqaiAg.)
♦️ How he found expert advice from DV awareness advocate Susan Murphy-Milano, and realized his masters degree in Counseling in seminary hadn't trained him sufficiently.
♦️ 10:30 - 5 responsibilities of pastors and other church leaders
♦️12:15 - 3 Important Ways You Can Help Victims
♦️ 16:20 - Help victims find their voice and have an opportunity to share their story with safe people. And help them legally document their story for use as future evidence if necessary.
♦️17:20 - Evidentiary Abuse Affidavit (the victim writing their story, then telling it on video, along with a notarized document) documenttheabuse.com
♦️20:30 - Men who are victims of abuse tend to go underground. Schori says about emotional abuse: "Violence to the soul is at least a damaging as physical violence." Don't share with just anyone.
♦️ 24:30 - Making changes to church policy and the official church position on divorce.
♦️ 26:11 - Biblical and theological reasoning for allowing divorce for abuse. PLUS recommended books and DV curriculum for churches at 31:17.
♦️ 30:25 - How Pastor Schori does staff and volunteer training on the topic of abuse.
♦️ 35:30 - DV training is mandatory for hair stylists and bar tenders. Why shouldn't it be for pastors!
♦️ 36:15 - Nearly half of divorces the the U.S. are for very serious reasons.
♦️ 37:40 - "There are women killed every day because someone told them to stay." Gray divorcees are often abuse victims who were shamed into staying "for the kids" when in reality, we now know that kids suffer in these high-conflict homes.
♦️ 37:55 - In the very high-conflict homes, it's better for the children if their parents divorce than stay married. And indeed research shows that the worse the marriage the better divorce is for kids. TWO GRAPHS.
♦️ 38:45 - Nearly 8 in 10 kids of divorce turn out fine with no long-term serious emotional, psychological or social problems. 39:24 - Children in high-discord homes often wish their parents would divorce.
♦️ 40:15 - Luke 13 tells us about the heart of Jesus for those in pain.
♦️ 42:00 - Why divorce in cases of DV saves lives: no-fault divorce lowered the suicide rate, the domestic violence rate, and the homicide rate. To avoid the topic of divorce is to endanger people's lives.
♦️ 43:20 - Don't send people back. Don't shame them for wanting to go. Support their wishes.
----
ABOUT
Gretchen Baskerville is a Christian divorce recovery leader and researcher. For more than 20 years, she has worked with Christian women and men going through difficult, life-saving divorces, listening with compassion to those who have suffered from domestic violence, betrayal, infidelity, and emotional abuse. She helps heartbroken people find strength and courage and healing.
She is a graduate of Wheaton College with a degree in Bible and Christian Education, and she regularly gives interviews on podcasts, blogs, and radio programs on the topic of Christianity and divorce.
Her book, "The Life-Saving Divorce" is about the 40% of divorces that are for very serious reasons. She will give you optimism about your children's future.
Subscribe to Gretchen's You Tube channel: youtube.com/channel/UCRgtUNfTlYIRDt8iOK6XPKQ
What's a Life-Saving Divorce? A Life-Saving Divorce is a divorce for the serious reasons: a pattern of chronic emotional abuse, infidelity, domestic violence, sexual immorality, felony behavior, neglect, substance abuse, etc.
How to Get the Book, "The Life-Saving Divorce: Hope for People Leaving Destructive Relationships"
Paperback Book/Kindle via Amazon: amzn.to/3CCBsnr As an Amazon Associate I earn from qualifying purchases.
Follow Gretchen Baskerville:
Facebook: facebook.com/gretchen.baskerville
Twitter: twitter.com/GGBaskerville
Instagram: instagram.com/gretchenbaskerville
Other helpful links
Website and Blog: LifeSavingDivorce.com
Divorce Story Interviews: LifeSavingDivorce.com/interviews
Life-Saving Divorce Email Signup: LifeSavingDivorce.com/courage
What should pastors do when someone comes and says they are a victim of physical or emotional abuse? Pastor Neil Schori, of the Edge Church in Aurora, Illinois, tells how he changed his approach to ministering to abuse victims, after one of his church members came to him to tell him about her fears about her husband. The woman, Stacy Peterson, disappeared 2 months later and was never seen again. Pastor Schori became a key witness in a murder trial against her husband, police officer Drew Peterson. Drew was convicted. Pastor Schori has a calling to train other pastors and church leaders to handle domestic violence (DV) better.
In this powerful video, you'll hear Pastor Schori talk about...
♦️ The story of Stacy and Drew Peterson — and the murder trial where Neil was a key witness. (To hear a longer version of this, watch Pastor Schori's sermon youtu.be/74Eb1xqaiAg.)
♦️ How he found expert advice from DV awareness advocate Susan Murphy-Milano, and realized his masters degree in Counseling in seminary hadn't trained him sufficiently.
♦️ 10:30 - 5 responsibilities of pastors and other church leaders
♦️12:15 - 3 Important Ways You Can Help Victims
♦️ 16:20 - Help victims find their voice and have an opportunity to share their story with safe people. And help them legally document their story for use as future evidence if necessary.
♦️17:20 - Evidentiary Abuse Affidavit (the victim writing their story, then telling it on video, along with a notarized document) documenttheabuse.com
♦️20:30 - Men who are victims of abuse tend to go underground. Schori says about emotional abuse: "Violence to the soul is at least a damaging as physical violence." Don't share with just anyone.
♦️ 24:30 - Making changes to church policy and the official church position on divorce.
♦️ 26:11 - Biblical and theological reasoning for allowing divorce for abuse. PLUS recommended books and DV curriculum for churches at 31:17.
♦️ 30:25 - How Pastor Schori does staff and volunteer training on the topic of abuse.
♦️ 35:30 - DV training is mandatory for hair stylists and bar tenders. Why shouldn't it be for pastors!
♦️ 36:15 - Nearly half of divorces the the U.S. are for very serious reasons.
♦️ 37:40 - "There are women killed every day because someone told them to stay." Gray divorcees are often abuse victims who were shamed into staying "for the kids" when in reality, we now know that kids suffer in these high-conflict homes.
♦️ 37:55 - In the very high-conflict homes, it's better for the children if their parents divorce than stay married. And indeed research shows that the worse the marriage the better divorce is for kids. TWO GRAPHS.
♦️ 38:45 - Nearly 8 in 10 kids of divorce turn out fine with no long-term serious emotional, psychological or social problems. 39:24 - Children in high-discord homes often wish their parents would divorce.
♦️ 40:15 - Luke 13 tells us about the heart of Jesus for those in pain.
♦️ 42:00 - Why divorce in cases of DV saves lives: no-fault divorce lowered the suicide rate, the domestic violence rate, and the homicide rate. To avoid the topic of divorce is to endanger people's lives.
♦️ 43:20 - Don't send people back. Don't shame them for wanting to go. Support their wishes.
----
ABOUT
Gretchen Baskerville is a Christian divorce recovery leader and researcher. For more than 20 years, she has worked with Christian women and men going through difficult, life-saving divorces, listening with compassion to those who have suffered from domestic violence, betrayal, infidelity, and emotional abuse. She helps heartbroken people find strength and courage and healing.
She is a graduate of Wheaton College with a degree in Bible and Christian Education, and she regularly gives interviews on podcasts, blogs, and radio programs on the topic of Christianity and divorce.
Her book, "The Life-Saving Divorce" is about the 40% of divorces that are for very serious reasons. She will give you optimism about your children's future.
Subscribe to Gretchen's You Tube channel: youtube.com/channel/UCRgtUNfTlYIRDt8iOK6XPKQ
What's a Life-Saving Divorce? A Life-Saving Divorce is a divorce for the serious reasons: a pattern of chronic emotional abuse, infidelity, domestic violence, sexual immorality, felony behavior, neglect, substance abuse, etc.
How to Get the Book, "The Life-Saving Divorce: Hope for People Leaving Destructive Relationships"
Paperback Book/Kindle via Amazon: amzn.to/3CCBsnr As an Amazon Associate I earn from qualifying purchases.
Follow Gretchen Baskerville:
Facebook: facebook.com/gretchen.baskerville
Twitter: twitter.com/GGBaskerville
Instagram: instagram.com/gretchenbaskerville
Other helpful links
Website and Blog: LifeSavingDivorce.com
Divorce Story Interviews: LifeSavingDivorce.com/interviews
Life-Saving Divorce Email Signup: LifeSavingDivorce.com/courage
![Dynamics of Abuse with Bob Hamp MFT [Multi-Language]](https://i.ytimg.com/vi/Va0B3i7xXn0/mqdefault.jpg "Dynamics of Abuse with Bob Hamp MFT [Multi-Language]
Bob Hamp, MFT, is an expert on marital abuse in Christian relationships. He’s been a Christian therapist for more than 30 years. We talk today about both male and female victims and why they stay with someone who hurts them. There are 3 videos in this series. See links below:
Video #1: DYNAMICS OF ABUSE: The Mis-Assignment of Responsibility
Heres the problem: Victims of abuse don’t see themselves as victims. They see themselves as special helpers. Often abuse victims think they can “love their spouse out of his/her trap” or fill the hole in their heart. So that results in a terrible dynamic:
1. The abusers assigns responsibility to the victim to meet their demands or drives
2. An abuser makes the victim responsible for the abuser’s choices
3. The abuser tells the victim, “You are responsible for keeping the secret.”
4. Onlookers ask the victim what they did to cause it.
The victim has resources. The abuser has deficits. The abuser wants to give the deficits to the victim and take his/her resources.
When the victim finally puts an end to this, they are accused of being vindictive and “giving up too soon,” when in reality, they are finally handing the abuser/addict back his/her own responsibility.
Video 1) The Dynamics of Abuse
Video 2) How Do I Know If My Spouse Has Really Changed? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cz085lbGi-I
Video 3) My Church Says My Spouse Has Changed, But Has He Really? - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dEx-LRT-kYs
————
ABOUT
Gretchen Baskerville is a Christian divorce recovery leader and researcher. For more than 20 years, she has worked with Christian women and men going through difficult, life-saving divorces, listening with compassion to those who have suffered from domestic violence, betrayal, infidelity, and emotional abuse. She helps heartbroken people find strength and courage and healing.
Her book, The Life-Saving Divorce is about the one-half of U.S. divorces that are for very serious reasons. She will give you optimism about your childrens future (nearly 8 in 10 children turn out fine after divorce, according to top researchers); and will help you understand emotional abuse, gaslighting, the abuse cycle, and tips for surviving high-conflict divorces.
FOR A DISCUSSION ON THE TOPIC OF ABUSE, read chapter 4 in The Life-Saving Divorce book, or go to www.lifesavingdivorce.com/130examples to understand overt and covert emotional, physical, spiritual, and sexual abuse and neglect.
Whats a Life-Saving Divorce? A Life-Saving Divorce is a divorce for the serious reasons: a pattern of chronic emotional abuse, infidelity, domestic violence, sexual immorality, felony behavior, neglect, substance abuse, etc.
Book, The Life-Saving Divorce: Hope for People Leaving Destructive Relationships
Paperback or eBook: https://amzn.to/3CCBsnr AUDIOBOOK: https://amzn.to/4f52Mh4
As an Amazon Associate I earn from qualifying purchases.
Follow Gretchen Baskerville:
Subscribe to Gretchens You Tube channel: / @lifesavingdivorce
Facebook: facebook.com/lifesavingdivorce
Twitter: / ggbaskerville
Other helpful links
Website and Blog: http://www.LifeSavingDivorce.com
Life-Saving Divorce Email Signup: http://www.LifeSavingDivorce.com/courage")
