Tiktok's Bird Theory Trend and John and Julie Gottman's Bids for Connection @estherperel

Uploaded November 2025 | Updated September 2026, 7 hours ago

TikTok’s “Bird Theory trend” is based on the work of John and Julie Gottman around “bids for connection”.

Tiktoks Bird Theory Trend and John and Julie Gottmans Bids for Connection

$Im Tired of Parenting My Mom: Where Should We Begin? With Esther Perel Mothering My Mother Into Mothering Me | Where Should We Begin? with Esther Perel On this weeks episode of Where Should We Begin? with Esther Perel: Since the age of 8, she’s been the one holding her mother together and shouldering adult responsibilities long before her time. Now, as an adult herself, she’s ready to step out of the caretaker role and invite her mother to finally be the parent. Esther helps her explore how to loosen these deeply entrenched dynamics and create space for a more balanced, reciprocal relationship. Chapters 00:00 What Happens When a Child Becomes the Caregiver? 00:35 Why Does This Mother-Daughter Bond Feel So Complicated? 01:39 How Does Carrying Adult Responsibilities Shape a Child? 03:40 What Happens When Love Turns Into Resentment and Guilt? 05:10 What Do Family Dynamics Reveal Beneath the Surface? 07:17 How Do You Care for Others Without Losing Yourself? 08:59 Why Does Setting Boundaries Feel So Hard? 22:25 How Does Grief and Isolation Shape a Family Story? 25:03 What Does Anger Can Teach Us About Control? 26:02 Why is Expressing Anger So Different Across Cultures? 26:47 How Do Cultural Expectations Shape Family Roles? 30:37 How Do Small Acts Become Statements of Identity? 32:38 What Happens When Generations Collide? 35:04 How Does Better Communication Shift the Relationship? 42:59 What Do Patterns Reveal About the Path Forward? About Where Should We Begin?: Every Monday morning, step into the office of iconic psychotherapist Esther Perel and listen in as real people in search of insight bare the raw, intimate, and profound details of their stories. From breakups and open relationships to workplace conflicts and fractures in the family, it’s a place to hear our own stories reflected in the lives of others. About Esther Perel: Psychotherapist, relationship expert, and New York Times bestselling author Esther Perel is recognized as one of today’s most insightful and original voices on modern relationships. Fluent in nine languages, she helms a therapy practice in New York City and serves as an organizational consultant for Fortune 500 companies around the world. Her celebrated TED Talks have garnered more than 40 million views and her bestselling books, Mating in Captivity and The State of Affairs, are global phenomena translated into more than 30 languages. Esther is also the host of the hit podcast Where Should We Begin? which is available on Apple Podcasts. Learn more at EstherPerel.com(https://bit.ly/45I3yPd), join my Substack community Entre Nous for bonus content (https://bit.ly/4kdcWQZ), or follow @EstherPerelOfficial on Instagram.$

Podcast Preview: He Loves Her. His Family Rejects Her

$Conversations From Sessions Live: Julia Samuel on Grief | Where Should We Begin? with Esther Perel On this weeks episode of Where Should We Begin? with Esther Perel: Esther presents another talk you have to hear from her recent clinical conference, Sessions Live. Listen in as Julia Samuel speaks on Eros and Thanatos: Love, Grief, and the Forces that Shape Us. Julia Samuel MBE is a leading UK psychotherapist who worked for decades in the NHS. She is Founder Patron of Child Bereavement UK an organization she played a significant part for 25 years. Julia was given an Honorary Doctorate by Middlesex University in 2017. Appointed Commissioner of the UK Commission on Bereavement 2021. Julia has written three books, all Sunday Times bestsellers: Grief Works, This Too Shall Pass, and Every Family Has a Story; and has a podcast Therapy Works. Her presentation of grief is a must-listen. These talks were recorded at Esther Perel’s Annual Sessions Live event, entitled Mating in the Metacrisis: Connection, Polarization, and Eroticism in a World on Edge. For more information on the event and how you can watch it now, please go to www.estherperel.com About Where Should We Begin?: Every Monday morning, step into the office of iconic psychotherapist Esther Perel and listen in as real people in search of insight bare the raw, intimate, and profound details of their stories. From breakups and open relationships to workplace conflicts and fractures in the family, it’s a place to hear our own stories reflected in the lives of others. About Esther Perel: Psychotherapist, relationship expert, and New York Times bestselling author Esther Perel is recognized as one of today’s most insightful and original voices on modern relationships. Fluent in nine languages, she helms a therapy practice in New York City and serves as an organizational consultant for Fortune 500 companies around the world. Her celebrated TED Talks have garnered more than 40 million views and her bestselling books, Mating in Captivity and The State of Affairs, are global phenomena translated into more than 30 languages. Esther is also the host of the hit podcast Where Should We Begin? which is available on Apple Podcasts. Learn more at EstherPerel.com or by following @EstherPerelOfficial on Instagram.$

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$Is This the Person Im Meant to Be With I Where Should We Begin? with Esther Perel They arrive in Esther’s office at a crossroads. A year ago, they decided to de-escalate their relationship: to transition from romantic partners to live-in roommates. In their decade-long relationship, they had become stuck in dysfunctional patterns and toxic behaviors. But they didn’t want to force a complete separation: they still loved each other, and they couldn’t afford to move out on their own. A year into this platonic experiment, things feel better between them. Does this mean they should they get back together? Or does it mean that by continuing to live together, they are prohibiting each other from moving on? Are they meant to be each other’s lifelong partners or best friends? Chapters 00:26 Are We at a Crossroads or Just Afraid to Let Go? 01:06 Can Living Together Apart Actually Deescalate Us? 02:11 Should We Try Again or Protect What’s Working? 02:55 Did Our Love Story Start on Shaky Ground? 03:44 Was It Ever About Fun or Something Deeper? 07:13 How Did Our Roles Get So Rigid So Fast? 09:34 Why Does Home Get the Leftovers? 12:59 When Did Jokes Turn Into Contempt? 16:17 Did the Pandemic Break Us or Expose Us? 18:45 Is This About Autonomy or Old Family Patterns? 21:43 Is Control Just Fear in Disguise? 24:05 Did We Come Out of Lockdown Wanting Opposite Lives? 25:06 Did We Lose Each Other During BLM and Isolation? 26:41 How Did We End Up Switching Roles Completely? 28:15 Am I Chasing Validation or Avoiding Myself? 30:15 Did We Turn Each Other Into a “Fun Machine”? 33:17 What Happens If We Truly Deescalate? 35:22 Can Live-In Separation Actually Work? 36:20 What If Differentiation Matters More Than Labels? 39:25 Can Music Teach Us How to Stay Ourselves Together? 42:15 Are We Rushing to Define Something That’s Working? 46:48 What Does Sex Mean When We’re Not “Together”? 48:43 What If We Let This Evolve Without Forcing It? 50:05 Could Uncertainty Actually Be the Medicine? About Where Should We Begin?: Every Monday morning, step into the office of iconic psychotherapist Esther Perel and listen in as real people in search of insight bare the raw, intimate, and profound details of their stories. From breakups and open relationships to workplace conflicts and fractures in the family, it’s a place to hear our own stories reflected in the lives of others. About Esther Perel: Psychotherapist, relationship expert, and New York Times bestselling author Esther Perel is recognized as one of today’s most insightful and original voices on modern relationships. Fluent in nine languages, she helms a therapy practice in New York City and serves as an organizational consultant for Fortune 500 companies around the world. Her celebrated TED Talks have garnered more than 40 million views and her bestselling books, Mating in Captivity and The State of Affairs, are global phenomena translated into more than 30 languages. Esther is also the host of the hit podcast Where Should We Begin? which is available on Apple Podcasts. Learn more on her website (https://bit.ly/4tYBrVC) or subscribe to her Substack Entre Nous for bonus content (https://bit.ly/3PcczKI).$ $Conversations From Sessions Live: Nedra Glover Tawwab | Where Should We Begin? with Esther Perel Licensed therapist and New York Times bestselling author Nedra Glover Tawwab offers a clear, compassionate roadmap for navigating boundaries in relationships. Boundaries do not have to mean endings. In fact, boundaries can be a way for us to connect. She explores how boundary-setting is not about pushing people away but about creating the conditions for healthy connection. In a time when many feel overstretched, overwhelmed, or emotionally enmeshed, she reminds us that boundaries are a vital act of self-respect—and a necessary foundation for mutual care. These panels were recorded at Esther Perel’s Annual Sessions Live event, entitled Mating in the Metacrisis: Connection, Polarization, and Eroticism in a World on Edge. For more information on the event and how you can watch it now, please go to www.estherperel.com About Where Should We Begin?: Every Monday morning, step into the office of iconic psychotherapist Esther Perel and listen in as real people in search of insight bare the raw, intimate, and profound details of their stories. From breakups and open relationships to workplace conflicts and fractures in the family, it’s a place to hear our own stories reflected in the lives of others. About Esther Perel: Psychotherapist, relationship expert, and New York Times bestselling author Esther Perel is recognized as one of today’s most insightful and original voices on modern relationships. Fluent in nine languages, she helms a therapy practice in New York City and serves as an organizational consultant for Fortune 500 companies around the world. Her celebrated TED Talks have garnered more than 40 million views and her bestselling books, Mating in Captivity and The State of Affairs, are global phenomena translated into more than 30 languages. Esther is also the host of the hit podcast Where Should We Begin? which is available on Apple Podcasts. Learn more at EstherPerel.com or by following @EstherPerelOfficial on Instagram.$ $Are You Abandoning Me or Am I Suffocating You? I Where Should We Begin? with Esther Perel On this weeks episode of Where Should We Begin? with Esther Perel: Twin brothers come to Esther with a shared question: how do they break free from the conflict that has shaped their relationship for years? One feels smothered, the other abandoned, and together they are caught in a cycle of pursuit and withdrawal that neither knows how to escape. With Esther, they explore how to loosen the grip of old roles and find each other again, not just as twins, but as two distinct people learning how to stay connected without losing themselves. Chapters 00:00 Can Twins Ever Stop Mirroring Each Other? 01:25 Meet Michael And Tyler 03:44 Why Does One Twin Always Pull Away? 05:48 Did Childhood Illness Shape Their Bond Forever? 07:29 Did Coming Out Create A Lasting Rupture? 08:43 What Happens When You Grow Up A “Miracle Kid”? 10:20 Why Is Reconnecting Always So Bumpy? 11:42 Why Does Love Never Feel Like Enough? 14:29 What If The Hunger Isn’t About Him? 19:24 What Happens When The “Problem” Finally Speaks? 21:21 Can Shame Turn Love Into Burden? 22:58 Am I A Person Or Just A Problem To Fix? 24:23 Why Does Every Phone Call Feel So Loaded? 27:23 Are They Talking Like Brothers Or Therapists? 31:22 What Did They Lose When Childhood Ended? 34:13 Has One Twin Always Envied The Other? 36:27 What Happens When Identical Twins Become Different People? 40:08 Can They Let Go Of Being Each Other’s Mirror? 42:55 Is His Recklessness Really About Feeling Alive? 44:41 What’s Hiding Beneath The Resentment? About Where Should We Begin?: Every Monday morning, step into the office of iconic psychotherapist Esther Perel and listen in as real people in search of insight bare the raw, intimate, and profound details of their stories. From breakups and open relationships to workplace conflicts and fractures in the family, it’s a place to hear our own stories reflected in the lives of others. About Esther Perel: Psychotherapist, relationship expert, and New York Times bestselling author Esther Perel is recognized as one of today’s most insightful and original voices on modern relationships. Fluent in nine languages, she helms a therapy practice in New York City and serves as an organizational consultant for Fortune 500 companies around the world. Her celebrated TED Talks have garnered more than 40 million views and her bestselling books, Mating in Captivity and The State of Affairs, are global phenomena translated into more than 30 languages. Esther is also the host of the hit podcast Where Should We Begin? which is available on Apple Podcasts. Learn more at EstherPerel.com or subscribe to her Substack Entre Nous for bonus content.$ $I Love My Partner, So Why Can’t I Let Go of My Ex? | Where Should We Begin? with Esther Perel On this weeks episode of Where Should We Begin? with Esther Perel: What is the distinction between a love story and a life story? And what happens when they no longer move in the same direction? After returning to the Philippines to reconnect with a former partner she never fully let go of, she finds herself overwhelmed by grief, longing, and the fear of saying goodbye. Esther helps her untangle the relationship from the life it once represented and explore why some goodbyes are harder than others. What does it mean to hold onto someone with love without remaining tethered to them forever? Chapters 00:00 Is This a Love Story or a Life Story? 00:54 Why Cant I Let Go of My Ex? 03:37 What Made This Love So Defining? 06:08 Why Did He Come Back Only to Disappear Again? 08:03 What Is the Real Question Here? 09:27 Can You Love Someone New While Holding On to the Past? 11:13 What Keeps You Tied to Someone Who Left? 15:07 Did Losing Your Family Make Him Harder to Leave? 18:27 Why Did You Keep Going Back? 21:07 What Chapter of Your Life Does He Belong To? 23:25 Why Couldnt This Relationship Move Forward? 24:01 What Was He Really Saying No To? 24:45 Where Do You Put a Love That Never Ends? 25:44 Is This Story Already Finished? 27:03 Why Is Goodbye Still So Hard? 28:26 What Changed When You Saw Your Family Again? 31:41 How Do You Walk Back Across the Bridge? 32:59 What Would You Say in Your Goodbye Letter? 36:25 Can You Set Boundaries Without Feeling Guilty? 40:23 Where Should You Keep the Memories? 42:39 What Happens When You Share the Box? 44:04 Did You Come to Hold On or to Say Goodbye? About Where Should We Begin?: Every Monday morning, step into the office of iconic psychotherapist Esther Perel and listen in as real people in search of insight bare the raw, intimate, and profound details of their stories. From breakups and open relationships to workplace conflicts and fractures in the family, it’s a place to hear our own stories reflected in the lives of others. About Esther Perel: Psychotherapist, relationship expert, and New York Times bestselling author Esther Perel is recognized as one of today’s most insightful and original voices on modern relationships. Fluent in nine languages, she helms a therapy practice in New York City and serves as an organizational consultant for Fortune 500 companies around the world. Her celebrated TED Talks have garnered more than 40 million views and her bestselling books, Mating in Captivity and The State of Affairs, are global phenomena translated into more than 30 languages. Esther is also the host of the hit podcast Where Should We Begin? which is available on Apple Podcasts. Learn more at EstherPerel.com or subscribe to her Substack, Entre Nous.$

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