Uploaded April 2026 | Updated September 2026, 11 hours ago
They arrive in Esther’s office at a crossroads. A year ago, they decided to de-escalate their relationship: to transition from romantic partners to live-in roommates. In their decade-long relationship, they had become stuck in dysfunctional patterns and toxic behaviors. But they didn’t want to force a complete separation: they still loved each other, and they couldn’t afford to move out on their own.
A year into this platonic experiment, things feel better between them. Does this mean they should they get back together? Or does it mean that by continuing to live together, they are prohibiting each other from moving on? Are they meant to be each other’s lifelong partners or best friends?
Chapters
00:26 Are We at a Crossroads or Just Afraid to Let Go?
01:06 Can Living Together Apart Actually Deescalate Us?
02:11 Should We Try Again or Protect What’s Working?
02:55 Did Our Love Story Start on Shaky Ground?
03:44 Was It Ever About Fun or Something Deeper?
07:13 How Did Our Roles Get So Rigid So Fast?
09:34 Why Does Home Get the Leftovers?
12:59 When Did Jokes Turn Into Contempt?
16:17 Did the Pandemic Break Us or Expose Us?
18:45 Is This About Autonomy or Old Family Patterns?
21:43 Is Control Just Fear in Disguise?
24:05 Did We Come Out of Lockdown Wanting Opposite Lives?
25:06 Did We Lose Each Other During BLM and Isolation?
26:41 How Did We End Up Switching Roles Completely?
28:15 Am I Chasing Validation or Avoiding Myself?
30:15 Did We Turn Each Other Into a “Fun Machine”?
33:17 What Happens If We Truly Deescalate?
35:22 Can Live-In Separation Actually Work?
36:20 What If Differentiation Matters More Than Labels?
39:25 Can Music Teach Us How to Stay Ourselves Together?
42:15 Are We Rushing to Define Something That’s Working?
46:48 What Does Sex Mean When We’re Not “Together”?
48:43 What If We Let This Evolve Without Forcing It?
50:05 Could Uncertainty Actually Be the Medicine?
About Where Should We Begin?:
Every Monday morning, step into the office of iconic psychotherapist Esther Perel and listen in as real people in search of insight bare the raw, intimate, and profound details of their stories. From breakups and open relationships to workplace conflicts and fractures in the family, it’s a place to hear our own stories reflected in the lives of others.
About Esther Perel:
Psychotherapist, relationship expert, and New York Times bestselling author Esther Perel is recognized as one of today’s most insightful and original voices on modern relationships. Fluent in nine languages, she helms a therapy practice in New York City and serves as an organizational consultant for Fortune 500 companies around the world. Her celebrated TED Talks have garnered more than 40 million views and her bestselling books, Mating in Captivity and The State of Affairs, are global phenomena translated into more than 30 languages. Esther is also the host of the hit podcast Where Should We Begin? which is available on Apple Podcasts. Learn more on her website (bit.ly/4tYBrVC) or subscribe to her Substack Entre Nous for bonus content (bit.ly/3PcczKI).
They arrive in Esther’s office at a crossroads. A year ago, they decided to de-escalate their relationship: to transition from romantic partners to live-in roommates. In their decade-long relationship, they had become stuck in dysfunctional patterns and toxic behaviors. But they didn’t want to force a complete separation: they still loved each other, and they couldn’t afford to move out on their own.
A year into this platonic experiment, things feel better between them. Does this mean they should they get back together? Or does it mean that by continuing to live together, they are prohibiting each other from moving on? Are they meant to be each other’s lifelong partners or best friends?
Chapters
00:26 Are We at a Crossroads or Just Afraid to Let Go?
01:06 Can Living Together Apart Actually Deescalate Us?
02:11 Should We Try Again or Protect What’s Working?
02:55 Did Our Love Story Start on Shaky Ground?
03:44 Was It Ever About Fun or Something Deeper?
07:13 How Did Our Roles Get So Rigid So Fast?
09:34 Why Does Home Get the Leftovers?
12:59 When Did Jokes Turn Into Contempt?
16:17 Did the Pandemic Break Us or Expose Us?
18:45 Is This About Autonomy or Old Family Patterns?
21:43 Is Control Just Fear in Disguise?
24:05 Did We Come Out of Lockdown Wanting Opposite Lives?
25:06 Did We Lose Each Other During BLM and Isolation?
26:41 How Did We End Up Switching Roles Completely?
28:15 Am I Chasing Validation or Avoiding Myself?
30:15 Did We Turn Each Other Into a “Fun Machine”?
33:17 What Happens If We Truly Deescalate?
35:22 Can Live-In Separation Actually Work?
36:20 What If Differentiation Matters More Than Labels?
39:25 Can Music Teach Us How to Stay Ourselves Together?
42:15 Are We Rushing to Define Something That’s Working?
46:48 What Does Sex Mean When We’re Not “Together”?
48:43 What If We Let This Evolve Without Forcing It?
50:05 Could Uncertainty Actually Be the Medicine?
About Where Should We Begin?:
Every Monday morning, step into the office of iconic psychotherapist Esther Perel and listen in as real people in search of insight bare the raw, intimate, and profound details of their stories. From breakups and open relationships to workplace conflicts and fractures in the family, it’s a place to hear our own stories reflected in the lives of others.
About Esther Perel:
Psychotherapist, relationship expert, and New York Times bestselling author Esther Perel is recognized as one of today’s most insightful and original voices on modern relationships. Fluent in nine languages, she helms a therapy practice in New York City and serves as an organizational consultant for Fortune 500 companies around the world. Her celebrated TED Talks have garnered more than 40 million views and her bestselling books, Mating in Captivity and The State of Affairs, are global phenomena translated into more than 30 languages. Esther is also the host of the hit podcast Where Should We Begin? which is available on Apple Podcasts. Learn more on her website (bit.ly/4tYBrVC) or subscribe to her Substack Entre Nous for bonus content (bit.ly/3PcczKI).
