Here's Why You Shouldn't Track Location if Someone Betrays You @estherperel

Uploaded February 2026 | Updated September 2026, 5 hours ago

Last week, I had the pleasure of speaking with trust researcher, writer, and artist Rachel Botsman. Here's an excerpt from the conversation which challenges a common instinct to ask for total access after a breach of trust.

To watch this entire fascinating conversation, and be the first to know when my future lives will be, click here to subscribe to my Substack Entre Nous: bit.ly/4r3Ddnm

Heres Why You Shouldnt Track Location if Someone Betrays You

$Is This the Person Im Meant to Be With I Where Should We Begin? with Esther Perel They arrive in Esther’s office at a crossroads. A year ago, they decided to de-escalate their relationship: to transition from romantic partners to live-in roommates. In their decade-long relationship, they had become stuck in dysfunctional patterns and toxic behaviors. But they didn’t want to force a complete separation: they still loved each other, and they couldn’t afford to move out on their own. A year into this platonic experiment, things feel better between them. Does this mean they should they get back together? Or does it mean that by continuing to live together, they are prohibiting each other from moving on? Are they meant to be each other’s lifelong partners or best friends? Chapters 00:26 Are We at a Crossroads or Just Afraid to Let Go? 01:06 Can Living Together Apart Actually Deescalate Us? 02:11 Should We Try Again or Protect What’s Working? 02:55 Did Our Love Story Start on Shaky Ground? 03:44 Was It Ever About Fun or Something Deeper? 07:13 How Did Our Roles Get So Rigid So Fast? 09:34 Why Does Home Get the Leftovers? 12:59 When Did Jokes Turn Into Contempt? 16:17 Did the Pandemic Break Us or Expose Us? 18:45 Is This About Autonomy or Old Family Patterns? 21:43 Is Control Just Fear in Disguise? 24:05 Did We Come Out of Lockdown Wanting Opposite Lives? 25:06 Did We Lose Each Other During BLM and Isolation? 26:41 How Did We End Up Switching Roles Completely? 28:15 Am I Chasing Validation or Avoiding Myself? 30:15 Did We Turn Each Other Into a “Fun Machine”? 33:17 What Happens If We Truly Deescalate? 35:22 Can Live-In Separation Actually Work? 36:20 What If Differentiation Matters More Than Labels? 39:25 Can Music Teach Us How to Stay Ourselves Together? 42:15 Are We Rushing to Define Something That’s Working? 46:48 What Does Sex Mean When We’re Not “Together”? 48:43 What If We Let This Evolve Without Forcing It? 50:05 Could Uncertainty Actually Be the Medicine? About Where Should We Begin?: Every Monday morning, step into the office of iconic psychotherapist Esther Perel and listen in as real people in search of insight bare the raw, intimate, and profound details of their stories. From breakups and open relationships to workplace conflicts and fractures in the family, it’s a place to hear our own stories reflected in the lives of others. About Esther Perel: Psychotherapist, relationship expert, and New York Times bestselling author Esther Perel is recognized as one of today’s most insightful and original voices on modern relationships. Fluent in nine languages, she helms a therapy practice in New York City and serves as an organizational consultant for Fortune 500 companies around the world. Her celebrated TED Talks have garnered more than 40 million views and her bestselling books, Mating in Captivity and The State of Affairs, are global phenomena translated into more than 30 languages. Esther is also the host of the hit podcast Where Should We Begin? which is available on Apple Podcasts. Learn more on her website (https://bit.ly/4tYBrVC) or subscribe to her Substack Entre Nous for bonus content (https://bit.ly/3PcczKI).$ $Conversations From Sessions Live: Nedra Glover Tawwab | Where Should We Begin? with Esther Perel Licensed therapist and New York Times bestselling author Nedra Glover Tawwab offers a clear, compassionate roadmap for navigating boundaries in relationships. Boundaries do not have to mean endings. In fact, boundaries can be a way for us to connect. She explores how boundary-setting is not about pushing people away but about creating the conditions for healthy connection. In a time when many feel overstretched, overwhelmed, or emotionally enmeshed, she reminds us that boundaries are a vital act of self-respect—and a necessary foundation for mutual care. These panels were recorded at Esther Perel’s Annual Sessions Live event, entitled Mating in the Metacrisis: Connection, Polarization, and Eroticism in a World on Edge. For more information on the event and how you can watch it now, please go to www.estherperel.com About Where Should We Begin?: Every Monday morning, step into the office of iconic psychotherapist Esther Perel and listen in as real people in search of insight bare the raw, intimate, and profound details of their stories. From breakups and open relationships to workplace conflicts and fractures in the family, it’s a place to hear our own stories reflected in the lives of others. About Esther Perel: Psychotherapist, relationship expert, and New York Times bestselling author Esther Perel is recognized as one of today’s most insightful and original voices on modern relationships. Fluent in nine languages, she helms a therapy practice in New York City and serves as an organizational consultant for Fortune 500 companies around the world. Her celebrated TED Talks have garnered more than 40 million views and her bestselling books, Mating in Captivity and The State of Affairs, are global phenomena translated into more than 30 languages. Esther is also the host of the hit podcast Where Should We Begin? which is available on Apple Podcasts. Learn more at EstherPerel.com or by following @EstherPerelOfficial on Instagram.$ $Are You Abandoning Me or Am I Suffocating You? I Where Should We Begin? with Esther Perel On this weeks episode of Where Should We Begin? with Esther Perel: Twin brothers come to Esther with a shared question: how do they break free from the conflict that has shaped their relationship for years? One feels smothered, the other abandoned, and together they are caught in a cycle of pursuit and withdrawal that neither knows how to escape. With Esther, they explore how to loosen the grip of old roles and find each other again, not just as twins, but as two distinct people learning how to stay connected without losing themselves. Chapters 00:00 Can Twins Ever Stop Mirroring Each Other? 01:25 Meet Michael And Tyler 03:44 Why Does One Twin Always Pull Away? 05:48 Did Childhood Illness Shape Their Bond Forever? 07:29 Did Coming Out Create A Lasting Rupture? 08:43 What Happens When You Grow Up A “Miracle Kid”? 10:20 Why Is Reconnecting Always So Bumpy? 11:42 Why Does Love Never Feel Like Enough? 14:29 What If The Hunger Isn’t About Him? 19:24 What Happens When The “Problem” Finally Speaks? 21:21 Can Shame Turn Love Into Burden? 22:58 Am I A Person Or Just A Problem To Fix? 24:23 Why Does Every Phone Call Feel So Loaded? 27:23 Are They Talking Like Brothers Or Therapists? 31:22 What Did They Lose When Childhood Ended? 34:13 Has One Twin Always Envied The Other? 36:27 What Happens When Identical Twins Become Different People? 40:08 Can They Let Go Of Being Each Other’s Mirror? 42:55 Is His Recklessness Really About Feeling Alive? 44:41 What’s Hiding Beneath The Resentment? About Where Should We Begin?: Every Monday morning, step into the office of iconic psychotherapist Esther Perel and listen in as real people in search of insight bare the raw, intimate, and profound details of their stories. From breakups and open relationships to workplace conflicts and fractures in the family, it’s a place to hear our own stories reflected in the lives of others. About Esther Perel: Psychotherapist, relationship expert, and New York Times bestselling author Esther Perel is recognized as one of today’s most insightful and original voices on modern relationships. Fluent in nine languages, she helms a therapy practice in New York City and serves as an organizational consultant for Fortune 500 companies around the world. Her celebrated TED Talks have garnered more than 40 million views and her bestselling books, Mating in Captivity and The State of Affairs, are global phenomena translated into more than 30 languages. Esther is also the host of the hit podcast Where Should We Begin? which is available on Apple Podcasts. Learn more at EstherPerel.com or subscribe to her Substack Entre Nous for bonus content.$ $I Love My Partner, So Why Can’t I Let Go of My Ex? | Where Should We Begin? with Esther Perel On this weeks episode of Where Should We Begin? with Esther Perel: What is the distinction between a love story and a life story? And what happens when they no longer move in the same direction? After returning to the Philippines to reconnect with a former partner she never fully let go of, she finds herself overwhelmed by grief, longing, and the fear of saying goodbye. Esther helps her untangle the relationship from the life it once represented and explore why some goodbyes are harder than others. What does it mean to hold onto someone with love without remaining tethered to them forever? Chapters 00:00 Is This a Love Story or a Life Story? 00:54 Why Cant I Let Go of My Ex? 03:37 What Made This Love So Defining? 06:08 Why Did He Come Back Only to Disappear Again? 08:03 What Is the Real Question Here? 09:27 Can You Love Someone New While Holding On to the Past? 11:13 What Keeps You Tied to Someone Who Left? 15:07 Did Losing Your Family Make Him Harder to Leave? 18:27 Why Did You Keep Going Back? 21:07 What Chapter of Your Life Does He Belong To? 23:25 Why Couldnt This Relationship Move Forward? 24:01 What Was He Really Saying No To? 24:45 Where Do You Put a Love That Never Ends? 25:44 Is This Story Already Finished? 27:03 Why Is Goodbye Still So Hard? 28:26 What Changed When You Saw Your Family Again? 31:41 How Do You Walk Back Across the Bridge? 32:59 What Would You Say in Your Goodbye Letter? 36:25 Can You Set Boundaries Without Feeling Guilty? 40:23 Where Should You Keep the Memories? 42:39 What Happens When You Share the Box? 44:04 Did You Come to Hold On or to Say Goodbye? About Where Should We Begin?: Every Monday morning, step into the office of iconic psychotherapist Esther Perel and listen in as real people in search of insight bare the raw, intimate, and profound details of their stories. From breakups and open relationships to workplace conflicts and fractures in the family, it’s a place to hear our own stories reflected in the lives of others. About Esther Perel: Psychotherapist, relationship expert, and New York Times bestselling author Esther Perel is recognized as one of today’s most insightful and original voices on modern relationships. Fluent in nine languages, she helms a therapy practice in New York City and serves as an organizational consultant for Fortune 500 companies around the world. Her celebrated TED Talks have garnered more than 40 million views and her bestselling books, Mating in Captivity and The State of Affairs, are global phenomena translated into more than 30 languages. Esther is also the host of the hit podcast Where Should We Begin? which is available on Apple Podcasts. Learn more at EstherPerel.com or subscribe to her Substack, Entre Nous.$

Why Is Everyone So Turned On By Heated Rivalry? Part 1

$Is Using ChatGPT Hurting My Relationship? | Where Should We Begin? with Esther Perel On this weeks episode of Where Should We Begin? with Esther Perel: She comes to Esther with a question that feels distinctly of this moment: when does a tool become a transgression? After leaving a long, stable marriage, she finds herself in a new relationship marked by intense highs and low lows. She turns to AI, using it as a real-time coach to navigate arguments and break painful communication loops. She shows up differently, and the relationship begins to shift. But as the dust settles, a new question emerges. What does it mean to rely on something your partner doesn’t know about, and wouldn’t agree with? Is her use of ChatGPT a tool or a transgression? Chapters 00:15 Can AI Help Your Relationship? 00:58 Why Keep AI Coaching a Secret? 02:51 Is AI Advice a Betrayal of Trust? 04:42 How Did AI Become Part of the Relationship? 07:45 What Happens When AI Joins an Argument? 09:00 Is AI Making Jealousy Better or Worse? 12:32 Can AI Help You Break a Relationship Pattern? 16:14 What Happens When the Advice Feels Too Cold? 18:04 Are the Highs Worth the Lows? 21:56 Is AI a Tool or a Boundary Crossing? 23:58 What Does Differentiation Really Mean? 26:45 Can You Love Someone Without Agreeing? 28:30 How Do You Love Across Real Differences? 31:17 Why Are Conspiracy Beliefs About Power? 33:41 Is Chemistry Enough Without Respect? 40:43 Should You Trust AIs Answers? 43:24 Wheres the Line Between Privacy and Secrecy? 46:42 What Will You Take From This Conversation? About Where Should We Begin?: Every Monday morning, step into the office of iconic psychotherapist Esther Perel and listen in as real people in search of insight bare the raw, intimate, and profound details of their stories. From breakups and open relationships to workplace conflicts and fractures in the family, it’s a place to hear our own stories reflected in the lives of others. About Esther Perel: Psychotherapist, relationship expert, and New York Times bestselling author Esther Perel is recognized as one of today’s most insightful and original voices on modern relationships. Fluent in nine languages, she helms a therapy practice in New York City and serves as an organizational consultant for Fortune 500 companies around the world. Her celebrated TED Talks have garnered more than 40 million views and her bestselling books, Mating in Captivity and The State of Affairs, are global phenomena translated into more than 30 languages. Esther is also the host of the hit podcast Where Should We Begin? which is available on Apple Podcasts. Learn more at EstherPerel.com or by following @EstherPerelOfficial on Instagram.$ $Will I Always Be Alone? | Where Should We Begin? with Esther Perel On this weeks episode of Where Should We Begin? with Esther Perel: He comes to Esther not with a singular question but with an overflow of words and unspoken truths. Betrayed by a once-supportive church and struggling to reconcile his desires with his emotions, he carries a loneliness that has followed him across continents. This session is all about naming. Naming the parts of his life, the feelings left unspoken, and the longings that ache in his heart. Chapters 00:00 What Does Loneliness Really Feel Like? 01:05 What Question Brings Him Here? 03:16 Why Did Dating Get Harder After Moving? 06:15 Are Apps Making Him Feel More Alone? 08:47 What Did He Lose When He Left Home? 11:21 What Is He Really Looking For? 18:26 Is Anonymous Sex Filling the Wrong Need? 19:07 What Role Did His Family Teach Him to Play? 25:18 How Do You Learn to Ask for Care? 33:58 Why Did He Leave Cape Town? 35:36 What Happens When Your Church Rejects You? 42:10 Where Does Healing Begin? About Where Should We Begin?: Every Monday morning, step into the office of iconic psychotherapist Esther Perel and listen in as real people in search of insight bare the raw, intimate, and profound details of their stories. From breakups and open relationships to workplace conflicts and fractures in the family, it’s a place to hear our own stories reflected in the lives of others. About Esther Perel: Psychotherapist, relationship expert, and New York Times bestselling author Esther Perel is recognized as one of today’s most insightful and original voices on modern relationships. Fluent in nine languages, she helms a therapy practice in New York City and serves as an organizational consultant for Fortune 500 companies around the world. Her celebrated TED Talks have garnered more than 40 million views and her bestselling books, Mating in Captivity and The State of Affairs, are global phenomena translated into more than 30 languages. Esther is also the host of the hit podcast Where Should We Begin? which is available on Apple Podcasts. Learn more at EstherPerel.com or subscribe to her Substack Entre Nous.$

Esther Perel Tells Cosmopolitans Willa Bennett Why People Cheat and Why We Obsess Over It

Esther Perel on The New York Times Mankeeping Article

$Is Your Partner Using You? I Where Should We Begin? With Esther Perel On this weeks episode of Where Should We Begin? with Esther Perel: Was I used for a visa? She comes to Esther reeling from the end of a five-year relationship marked by love, deceit, and manipulation. After discovering her partner’s infidelities and hearing a therapist describe him as a possible psychopath or narcissist, she struggles to understand what was real. Together, they work to untangle the conflicting truths, rebuild her trust in her own perceptions, and explore how she can approach love with greater clarity. Chapters 00:00 What Makes Relationships So Complicated? 00:55 The Moment Everything Changed 03:10 Looking Back: What Was Real in the Relationship? 04:20 When Did the End Really Begin? 07:05 Love, Visas, and Impossible Choices 09:24 Was This the Breakup That Couldn’t Be Avoided? 15:59 What Happens When the Truth Finally Surfaces? 23:08 When Therapy Gives Conflicting Answers 25:28 How Many Lies Can a Relationship Hold? 27:00 Is Honesty Always the Right Choice? 29:42 How the Therapist’s Own Story Shapes the Work? 33:03 Who Has Power in This Relationship? 35:17 When Your Reality Starts to Feel Unstable 36:37 How Self-Perception Can Save or Sink Us? 40:45 What Does Closure Actually Look Like? 43:18 Why Are Emotions Never Simple? 45:26 Is It Possible to Trust Again? 48:00 What Remains After Everything Is Said? About Where Should We Begin?: Every Monday morning, step into the office of iconic psychotherapist Esther Perel and listen in as real people in search of insight bare the raw, intimate, and profound details of their stories. From breakups and open relationships to workplace conflicts and fractures in the family, it’s a place to hear our own stories reflected in the lives of others. About Esther Perel: Psychotherapist, relationship expert, and New York Times bestselling author Esther Perel is recognized as one of today’s most insightful and original voices on modern relationships. Fluent in nine languages, she helms a therapy practice in New York City and serves as an organizational consultant for Fortune 500 companies around the world. Her celebrated TED Talks have garnered more than 40 million views and her bestselling books, Mating in Captivity and The State of Affairs, are global phenomena translated into more than 30 languages. Esther is also the host of the hit podcast Where Should We Begin? which is available on Apple Podcasts. Learn more at EstherPerel.com, by following @EstherPerelOfficial on Instagram, or by joining my Substack community Entre Nous at https://estherperel.substack.com for bonus content.$