Uploaded January 2026 | Updated September 2026, 28 minutes ago
On this week's episode of Where Should We Begin? with Esther Perel: Was I used for a visa?
She comes to Esther reeling from the end of a five-year relationship marked by love, deceit, and manipulation. After discovering her partner’s infidelities and hearing a therapist describe him as a possible psychopath or narcissist, she struggles to understand what was real. Together, they work to untangle the conflicting truths, rebuild her trust in her own perceptions, and explore how she can approach love with greater clarity.
Chapters
00:00 What Makes Relationships So Complicated?
00:55 The Moment Everything Changed
03:10 Looking Back: What Was Real in the Relationship?
04:20 When Did the End Really Begin?
07:05 Love, Visas, and Impossible Choices
09:24 Was This the Breakup That Couldn’t Be Avoided?
15:59 What Happens When the Truth Finally Surfaces?
23:08 When Therapy Gives Conflicting Answers
25:28 How Many Lies Can a Relationship Hold?
27:00 Is Honesty Always the Right Choice?
29:42 How the Therapist’s Own Story Shapes the Work?
33:03 Who Has Power in This Relationship?
35:17 When Your Reality Starts to Feel Unstable
36:37 How Self-Perception Can Save or Sink Us?
40:45 What Does Closure Actually Look Like?
43:18 Why Are Emotions Never Simple?
45:26 Is It Possible to Trust Again?
48:00 What Remains After Everything Is Said?
About Where Should We Begin?:
Every Monday morning, step into the office of iconic psychotherapist Esther Perel and listen in as real people in search of insight bare the raw, intimate, and profound details of their stories. From breakups and open relationships to workplace conflicts and fractures in the family, it’s a place to hear our own stories reflected in the lives of others.
About Esther Perel:
Psychotherapist, relationship expert, and New York Times bestselling author Esther Perel is recognized as one of today’s most insightful and original voices on modern relationships. Fluent in nine languages, she helms a therapy practice in New York City and serves as an organizational consultant for Fortune 500 companies around the world. Her celebrated TED Talks have garnered more than 40 million views and her bestselling books, Mating in Captivity and The State of Affairs, are global phenomena translated into more than 30 languages. Esther is also the host of the hit podcast Where Should We Begin? which is available on Apple Podcasts. Learn more at EstherPerel.com, by following @EstherPerelOfficial on Instagram, or by joining my Substack community Entre Nous at estherperel.substack.com for bonus content.
On this week's episode of Where Should We Begin? with Esther Perel: Was I used for a visa?
She comes to Esther reeling from the end of a five-year relationship marked by love, deceit, and manipulation. After discovering her partner’s infidelities and hearing a therapist describe him as a possible psychopath or narcissist, she struggles to understand what was real. Together, they work to untangle the conflicting truths, rebuild her trust in her own perceptions, and explore how she can approach love with greater clarity.
Chapters
00:00 What Makes Relationships So Complicated?
00:55 The Moment Everything Changed
03:10 Looking Back: What Was Real in the Relationship?
04:20 When Did the End Really Begin?
07:05 Love, Visas, and Impossible Choices
09:24 Was This the Breakup That Couldn’t Be Avoided?
15:59 What Happens When the Truth Finally Surfaces?
23:08 When Therapy Gives Conflicting Answers
25:28 How Many Lies Can a Relationship Hold?
27:00 Is Honesty Always the Right Choice?
29:42 How the Therapist’s Own Story Shapes the Work?
33:03 Who Has Power in This Relationship?
35:17 When Your Reality Starts to Feel Unstable
36:37 How Self-Perception Can Save or Sink Us?
40:45 What Does Closure Actually Look Like?
43:18 Why Are Emotions Never Simple?
45:26 Is It Possible to Trust Again?
48:00 What Remains After Everything Is Said?
About Where Should We Begin?:
Every Monday morning, step into the office of iconic psychotherapist Esther Perel and listen in as real people in search of insight bare the raw, intimate, and profound details of their stories. From breakups and open relationships to workplace conflicts and fractures in the family, it’s a place to hear our own stories reflected in the lives of others.
About Esther Perel:
Psychotherapist, relationship expert, and New York Times bestselling author Esther Perel is recognized as one of today’s most insightful and original voices on modern relationships. Fluent in nine languages, she helms a therapy practice in New York City and serves as an organizational consultant for Fortune 500 companies around the world. Her celebrated TED Talks have garnered more than 40 million views and her bestselling books, Mating in Captivity and The State of Affairs, are global phenomena translated into more than 30 languages. Esther is also the host of the hit podcast Where Should We Begin? which is available on Apple Podcasts. Learn more at EstherPerel.com, by following @EstherPerelOfficial on Instagram, or by joining my Substack community Entre Nous at estherperel.substack.com for bonus content.
