Uploaded March 2026 | Updated September 2026, 1 hour ago
On this week's episode of Where Should We Begin? with Esther Perel: Through 40 years of marriage, they built a life together. They immigrated to the United States, raised children, grew a business, and established a community. Six months ago, her longtime suspicion was confirmed: her husband had engaged in a 25 year affair with her cousin. Reeling from the truth, she questions how he could have done this to her. Overtaken with guilt, he hopes that time will heal their wounds. They arrive at Esther's office wondering what they can do to repair their relationship after this profound betrayal.
Chapters
00:00 How Does a 25 Year Affair Hide Inside a ‘Good’ Marriage?
00:53 When Marriage Is Arranged, Is There Ever a Real Exit?
04:42 What Happens When Betrayal Finally Enters the Therapy Room?
06:33 Were the Red Flags There From the Very Beginning?
09:39 What Does It Cost to Live in Suspicion for Decades?
12:38 Is the Truth a Relief or Just a New Kind of Pain?
13:36 How Does Someone Compartmentalize a Double Life for 25 Years?
16:28 What Was the Affair Really Giving Him?
21:32 Who Gets to Know and Who Must Stay Silent?
24:41 Can They Stop Reliving the Affair and Turn Toward Each Other?
27:04 How Do You Reach for Someone Who No Longer Trusts You?
28:18 Is Time Enough to Heal or Does Love Require Proof?
32:31 What Does It Mean to Choose Your Partner After Betrayal?
35:42 In an Arranged Marriage, When Does Duty Become Desire?
38:41 Can Jealousy and Play Help Reignite a Marriage?
46:51 How Do You Date the Person You Betrayed?
48:59 Can He End the Double Life and Truly Choose One Future?
About Where Should We Begin?:
Every Monday morning, step into the office of iconic psychotherapist Esther Perel and listen in as real people in search of insight bare the raw, intimate, and profound details of their stories. From breakups and open relationships to workplace conflicts and fractures in the family, it’s a place to hear our own stories reflected in the lives of others.
About Esther Perel:
Psychotherapist, relationship expert, and New York Times bestselling author Esther Perel is recognized as one of today’s most insightful and original voices on modern relationships. Fluent in nine languages, she helms a therapy practice in New York City and serves as an organizational consultant for Fortune 500 companies around the world. Her celebrated TED Talks have garnered more than 40 million views and her bestselling books, Mating in Captivity and The State of Affairs, are global phenomena translated into more than 30 languages. Esther is also the host of the hit podcast Where Should We Begin? which is available on Apple Podcasts.
Learn more on my website (bit.ly/4r8GXmG) subscribe to my Substack Entre Nous for bonus content (bit.ly/3PcczKI) or follow @EstherPerelOfficial on Instagram.
On this week's episode of Where Should We Begin? with Esther Perel: Through 40 years of marriage, they built a life together. They immigrated to the United States, raised children, grew a business, and established a community. Six months ago, her longtime suspicion was confirmed: her husband had engaged in a 25 year affair with her cousin. Reeling from the truth, she questions how he could have done this to her. Overtaken with guilt, he hopes that time will heal their wounds. They arrive at Esther's office wondering what they can do to repair their relationship after this profound betrayal.
Chapters
00:00 How Does a 25 Year Affair Hide Inside a ‘Good’ Marriage?
00:53 When Marriage Is Arranged, Is There Ever a Real Exit?
04:42 What Happens When Betrayal Finally Enters the Therapy Room?
06:33 Were the Red Flags There From the Very Beginning?
09:39 What Does It Cost to Live in Suspicion for Decades?
12:38 Is the Truth a Relief or Just a New Kind of Pain?
13:36 How Does Someone Compartmentalize a Double Life for 25 Years?
16:28 What Was the Affair Really Giving Him?
21:32 Who Gets to Know and Who Must Stay Silent?
24:41 Can They Stop Reliving the Affair and Turn Toward Each Other?
27:04 How Do You Reach for Someone Who No Longer Trusts You?
28:18 Is Time Enough to Heal or Does Love Require Proof?
32:31 What Does It Mean to Choose Your Partner After Betrayal?
35:42 In an Arranged Marriage, When Does Duty Become Desire?
38:41 Can Jealousy and Play Help Reignite a Marriage?
46:51 How Do You Date the Person You Betrayed?
48:59 Can He End the Double Life and Truly Choose One Future?
About Where Should We Begin?:
Every Monday morning, step into the office of iconic psychotherapist Esther Perel and listen in as real people in search of insight bare the raw, intimate, and profound details of their stories. From breakups and open relationships to workplace conflicts and fractures in the family, it’s a place to hear our own stories reflected in the lives of others.
About Esther Perel:
Psychotherapist, relationship expert, and New York Times bestselling author Esther Perel is recognized as one of today’s most insightful and original voices on modern relationships. Fluent in nine languages, she helms a therapy practice in New York City and serves as an organizational consultant for Fortune 500 companies around the world. Her celebrated TED Talks have garnered more than 40 million views and her bestselling books, Mating in Captivity and The State of Affairs, are global phenomena translated into more than 30 languages. Esther is also the host of the hit podcast Where Should We Begin? which is available on Apple Podcasts.
Learn more on my website (bit.ly/4r8GXmG) subscribe to my Substack Entre Nous for bonus content (bit.ly/3PcczKI) or follow @EstherPerelOfficial on Instagram.
