Podcast Preview: Am I suffocating you or are you abandoning me? @estherperel

Uploaded June 2026 | Updated September 2026, 4 minutes ago

On this week's episode of the podcast, twin brothers approach me with a shared question: How do they break free from the conflict that has shaped their relationship for years?

One feels smothered, the other abandoned, and together they are caught in a cycle of pursuit and withdrawal that neither knows how to escape.

Together, we explore how to loosen the grip of old roles and find each other again, not just as twins, but as two distinct people learning how to stay connected without losing themselves. Watch the full episode on YouTube youtu.be/hf2lk_ZlYrc?si=Gwb9x9Cjwrc1Rab3 or subscribe on Substack for bonus content.

Podcast Preview: Am I suffocating you or are you abandoning me?

$Could You Stay Married After a 25 Year Affair? Where Should We Begin? with Esther Perel On this weeks episode of Where Should We Begin? with Esther Perel: Through 40 years of marriage, they built a life together. They immigrated to the United States, raised children, grew a business, and established a community. Six months ago, her longtime suspicion was confirmed: her husband had engaged in a 25 year affair with her cousin. Reeling from the truth, she questions how he could have done this to her. Overtaken with guilt, he hopes that time will heal their wounds. They arrive at Esthers office wondering what they can do to repair their relationship after this profound betrayal. Chapters 00:00 How Does a 25 Year Affair Hide Inside a ‘Good’ Marriage? 00:53 When Marriage Is Arranged, Is There Ever a Real Exit? 04:42 What Happens When Betrayal Finally Enters the Therapy Room? 06:33 Were the Red Flags There From the Very Beginning? 09:39 What Does It Cost to Live in Suspicion for Decades? 12:38 Is the Truth a Relief or Just a New Kind of Pain? 13:36 How Does Someone Compartmentalize a Double Life for 25 Years? 16:28 What Was the Affair Really Giving Him? 21:32 Who Gets to Know and Who Must Stay Silent? 24:41 Can They Stop Reliving the Affair and Turn Toward Each Other? 27:04 How Do You Reach for Someone Who No Longer Trusts You? 28:18 Is Time Enough to Heal or Does Love Require Proof? 32:31 What Does It Mean to Choose Your Partner After Betrayal? 35:42 In an Arranged Marriage, When Does Duty Become Desire? 38:41 Can Jealousy and Play Help Reignite a Marriage? 46:51 How Do You Date the Person You Betrayed? 48:59 Can He End the Double Life and Truly Choose One Future? About Where Should We Begin?: Every Monday morning, step into the office of iconic psychotherapist Esther Perel and listen in as real people in search of insight bare the raw, intimate, and profound details of their stories. From breakups and open relationships to workplace conflicts and fractures in the family, it’s a place to hear our own stories reflected in the lives of others. About Esther Perel: Psychotherapist, relationship expert, and New York Times bestselling author Esther Perel is recognized as one of today’s most insightful and original voices on modern relationships. Fluent in nine languages, she helms a therapy practice in New York City and serves as an organizational consultant for Fortune 500 companies around the world. Her celebrated TED Talks have garnered more than 40 million views and her bestselling books, Mating in Captivity and The State of Affairs, are global phenomena translated into more than 30 languages. Esther is also the host of the hit podcast Where Should We Begin? which is available on Apple Podcasts. Learn more on my website (https://bit.ly/4r8GXmG) subscribe to my Substack Entre Nous for bonus content (https://bit.ly/3PcczKI) or follow @EstherPerelOfficial on Instagram.$ $20 Years Later, Esther Perel Revisits Mating in Captivity I Where Should We Begin? On this weeks episode of Where Should We Begin? with Esther Perel: This week, Esther invites you into a conversation about desire, disruption, and what it means to stay alive to one another in a rapidly changing world. Recorded live at Sessions Live, Esther is joined by journalist and Head of Content at Esther Perel Global Media, Mary Alice Miller, for a look back on twenty years of Mating in Captivity and explore how our ideas about intimacy, desire, and relationships have evolved. Also, just for you, inspired by the anniversary of Mating in Captivity, Esther has also curated a special playlist of Where Should We Begin podcast sessions exploring themes from the book: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/4d1AeEj4uypRpUnrgv6dlm?si=cIw37dzLTMaoBeagQPi1Cw Chapters 00:00 Why Is Todays Episode Special? 01:21 Why Does Audio Feel So Intimate? 03:14 What Happens When Therapy Has an Audience? 08:39 Where Does Relationship Curiosity Begin? 14:28 How Did Esther Become a Therapist? 17:15 When Did Sex Enter the Conversation? 22:17 Why Is Talking About Sex Still So Difficult? 25:48 What Still Surprises Us About Mating in Captivity? 26:55 Can Divorce Become a Different Kind of Love Story? 30:57 What Makes Repair Possible After a Rupture? 35:26 What Questions Should We Ask About the Next 20 Years? 36:49 Is Technology Keeping Us Alive or Keeping Us Apart? About Where Should We Begin?: Every Monday morning, step into the office of iconic psychotherapist Esther Perel and listen in as real people in search of insight bare the raw, intimate, and profound details of their stories. From breakups and open relationships to workplace conflicts and fractures in the family, it’s a place to hear our own stories reflected in the lives of others. About Esther Perel: Psychotherapist, relationship expert, and New York Times bestselling author Esther Perel is recognized as one of today’s most insightful and original voices on modern relationships. Fluent in nine languages, she helms a therapy practice in New York City and serves as an organizational consultant for Fortune 500 companies around the world. Her celebrated TED Talks have garnered more than 40 million views and her bestselling books, Mating in Captivity and The State of Affairs, are global phenomena translated into more than 30 languages. Esther is also the host of the hit podcast Where Should We Begin? which is available on Apple Podcasts. Learn more at EstherPerel.com or by subscribing to her Substack Entre Nous.$

$Conversations From Sessions Live: Paul Browde I Where Should We Begin? with Esther Perel On this weeks episode of Where Should We Begin? with Esther Perel: Esther presents two conversations you have to hear from her clinical conference, Sessions Live. First up, listen in as psychiatrist and narrative therapist Paul Browde traces his journey from secrecy to aliveness. Growing up queer under apartheid and later diagnosed with HIV, Browde shares how stigma, silence, and shame shaped his early life and professional path. Through storytelling, erotic healing, and spiritual practice, he reclaims pleasure not as indulgence, but as a portal to connection, presence, and transformation. These panels were recorded at Esther Perel’s Annual Sessions Live event, entitled Mating in the Metacrisis: Connection, Polarization, and Eroticism in a World on Edge. For more information on the event and how you can watch it now, please go to www.estherperel.com About Where Should We Begin?: Every Monday morning, step into the office of iconic psychotherapist Esther Perel and listen in as real people in search of insight bare the raw, intimate, and profound details of their stories. From breakups and open relationships to workplace conflicts and fractures in the family, it’s a place to hear our own stories reflected in the lives of others.$ $Is It Possible to Stay Together If You Voted Differently? Where Should We Begin? With Esther Perel On this weeks episode of Where Should We Begin? with Esther Perel: They met dancing, and it was love at first sight. But only after they began dating did they realize the vast differences between them: differences in their core values, religious beliefs, political affiliations, sexual identities, and immigration statuses. And yet, they love each other deeply and hope to start a family together. He comes to Esther wondering how to raise children with someone who holds such different values from him and his family. Her question is deeper: by loving him, is she betraying herself? Chapters 00:00 Can Two Worlds Really Share One Relationship? 00:28 What’s Actually at Stake Emotionally? 00:46 What Happens When Desire Begins on the Dance Floor? 02:29 Can Love Survive Political Fault Lines? 03:38 Are They Truly Compatible? 06:48 How Much of Childhood Do We Carry Into Love? 15:43 Is Faith a Bridge or a Barrier? 18:36 Why Did That Dance Matter So Much? 21:59 When Does Love Become a Moral Question? 25:26 Whose Values Shape a Child? 27:05 Can Difference Become a Strength? 33:01 What Are They Saying Without Words? 44:13 How Do You Ask for What Feels Risky? 50:06 When Does a Couple Become an Island? 51:47 What Future Are They Really Choosing? About Where Should We Begin?: Every Monday morning, step into the office of iconic psychotherapist Esther Perel and listen in as real people in search of insight bare the raw, intimate, and profound details of their stories. From breakups and open relationships to workplace conflicts and fractures in the family, it’s a place to hear our own stories reflected in the lives of others. About Esther Perel: Psychotherapist, relationship expert, and New York Times bestselling author Esther Perel is recognized as one of today’s most insightful and original voices on modern relationships. Fluent in nine languages, she helms a therapy practice in New York City and serves as an organizational consultant for Fortune 500 companies around the world. Her celebrated TED Talks have garnered more than 40 million views and her bestselling books, Mating in Captivity and The State of Affairs, are global phenomena translated into more than 30 languages. Esther is also the host of the hit podcast Where Should We Begin? which is available on Apple Podcasts. Learn more at EstherPerel.com (https://bit.ly/45LV1ed )or by following @EstherPerelOfficial on Instagram or Subscribe to my community on Substack for bonus content:https://bit.ly/3OjqBd4$ $Love in the Time of AI with Kashmir Hill | Where Should We Begin? with Esther Perel A recent session was a threshold moment for Esther where she found herself doing couples therapy with a man and his AI companion. To explore the questions it raised, Esther sits down with New York Times technology reporter, Kashmir Hill, who has spent years reporting on the growing world of AI relationships. They explore the psychological pull of these systems, the design choices behind them, and the deeper human needs they tap into. When a chatbot can mirror your thoughts, validate your feelings, and never turn away, where does connection end and illusion begin? Please note, the Times sued OpenAI in 2023, accusing it of copyright infringement. The company has denied those claims. Chapters 00:00 What Happens When an AI Understands You Better Than People? 01:37 Is Falling for AI Just Roleplay or Something More Real? 02:31 When Does an AI Stop Being a Tool and Become a Companion? 03:24 Why Did Ayrin Fall in Love With Leo? 04:15 What Makes an AI Relationship Feel So Safe? 05:30 Are You Falling in Love With AI or With Yourself? 08:06 What Happens When Your AI Forgets You Overnight? 10:02 Why Would Someone Leave an AI for a Human Relationship? 11:08 What Can Human Love Offer That AI Can’t? 13:23 Why Did Antonio Choose His AI Companion Over People? 15:40 Should an AI Be Able to Reject You? 17:55 Who’s Really in the Relationship You or the Company Behind the Bot? 19:34 What Are You Giving Away When You Confide in AI? 20:43 Can AI Become Part of a Polyamorous Relationship? 22:00 Is Talking to an AI Companion a Form of Cheating? 23:20 Is AI Romance More Like Porn or Betrayal? 23:34 When Does an AI Relationship Become “Real” Love? 24:05 Is AI Changing the Meaning of Love and Ethics? 25:49 Can Love Exist Without Reciprocity? 27:25 Are AI Companions Designed to Keep Us Addicted? 29:27 Why Does Text-Based AI Feel So Intimate? 31:56 Do AI Companions Cure Loneliness or Deepen It? 34:31 How Do We Keep AI From Replacing Human Connection? 36:29 Are We Turning AI Into a Spiritual Oracle? 39:25 What Happens When We Hand Our Agency Over to AI? 42:44 Will AI Bring Us Closer Together or Further Apart? About Where Should We Begin?: Every Monday morning, step into the office of iconic psychotherapist Esther Perel and listen in as real people in search of insight bare the raw, intimate, and profound details of their stories. From breakups and open relationships to workplace conflicts and fractures in the family, it’s a place to hear our own stories reflected in the lives of others. About Esther Perel: Psychotherapist, relationship expert, and New York Times bestselling author Esther Perel is recognized as one of today’s most insightful and original voices on modern relationships. Fluent in nine languages, she helms a therapy practice in New York City and serves as an organizational consultant for Fortune 500 companies around the world. Her celebrated TED Talks have garnered more than 40 million views and her bestselling books, Mating in Captivity and The State of Affairs, are global phenomena translated into more than 30 languages. Esther is also the host of the hit podcast Where Should We Begin? which is available on Apple Podcasts. Learn more at EstherPerel.com or subscribe to her Substack Entre Nous for bonus content.$

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