Esther Perel and Dan Harris on Substack Live @estherperel

Uploaded November 2025 | Updated September 2026, 3 hours ago

Did you catch me live on Substack with my colleague and friend @danharris? It was a great exchange covering wide-ranging thoughts on guilt, shame, consciousness, how we connect to others, and more. Dan Harris is the author of the #1 New York Times best-selling memoir, 10% Happier, about a fidgety, skeptical news anchor who finds meditation. He’s also the host of the 10% Happier podcast where he interviews celebrities, entrepreneurs, authors, scientists, and meditation teachers about how to do life better.

Click HERE to watch the full conversation and if you’ve seen it already we’d love to hear your additional questions or feedback: open.substack.com/pub/estherperel/p/between-us-esther-perel-dan-harris

Esther Perel and Dan Harris on Substack Live

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The first step in repairing self-betrayal

Mating in Captivity is translated into 30 languages

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$You Slept With My Best Friend I Where Should We Begin? With Esther Perel On this weeks episode of Where Should We Begin? with Esther Perel: The two couples had been inseparable—neighbors, chosen family, godparents to each others children. She reaches out to Esther in despair after discovering that her husband had an affair 10 years ago with her best friend. For a decade, he kept the betrayal hidden while she believed they had built a loving marriage and family. Now shes left questioning whether any of it was real. They both want to stay together, but shes trapped in doubt and grief, while hes desperate to repair what hes broken. What does it take to rebuild a relationship after a betrayal of this magnitude? Chapters 00:00 What Happens After an Affair? 01:23 How Did the Affair Come to Light? 03:36 Is Guilt Keeping You Stuck? 06:38 What Did Childhood Teach Him About Love? 08:18 Does How You Find Out Change Everything? 12:26 Are You Arguing About Facts or Meaning? 15:54 What Was the Affair Really Giving Him? 22:23 Why Did Family History Make This So Much Harder? 24:35 Can Regret Actually Rebuild Trust? 25:57 Can You Stop Trying to Be Everything? 27:54 Is Supermom Mode Getting in the Way? 31:29 What Happens When the Affair Ends but the Energy Doesnt? 32:46 Can Tiny Moments Repair a Relationship? 35:47 What Happens When Anger Finally Has a Voice? 38:19 Why Did This Affair Happen Now? 43:44 What Does a Secret Leave Behind? 47:25 Can Remorse Restore Self Worth? 49:08 What Does Real Repair Actually Look Like? About Where Should We Begin?: Every Monday morning, step into the office of iconic psychotherapist Esther Perel and listen in as real people in search of insight bare the raw, intimate, and profound details of their stories. From breakups and open relationships to workplace conflicts and fractures in the family, it’s a place to hear our own stories reflected in the lives of others. About Esther Perel: Psychotherapist, relationship expert, and New York Times bestselling author Esther Perel is recognized as one of today’s most insightful and original voices on modern relationships. Fluent in nine languages, she helms a therapy practice in New York City and serves as an organizational consultant for Fortune 500 companies around the world. Her celebrated TED Talks have garnered more than 40 million views and her bestselling books, Mating in Captivity and The State of Affairs, are global phenomena translated into more than 30 languages. Esther is also the host of the hit podcast Where Should We Begin? which is available on Apple Podcasts. Learn more at EstherPerel.com or subscribe to her Substack Entre Nous for bonus content.$ $How To Start: Esther Perel in Conversation with Jodi Kantor and Priya Parker Where Should We Begin? As work becomes the place we look for identity, stability, and meaning, the stakes feel higher than ever. Esther invites you in for a live conversation between friends, New York Times journalist Jodi Kantor and facilitator and author Priya Parker. A question echoes through the room: how do you start when you don’t know where you’re going? This is a conversation about uncertainty, ambition, and finding the courage to begin anyway. For Jodi Kantors new book How to Start: Discovering Your Lifes Work visit https://www.hachettebookgroup.com/titles/jodi-kantor/how-to-start/9780316609555/ To pre-order Priya Parkers upcoming book The Art of Fighting: The Transformative Power of Conflict visit https://www.priyaparker.com/priya-parker-books Chapters 00:00 Why Does Starting Feel So Hard? 00:52 What Kind of Space Are We Stepping Into? 03:39 What Do We All Have in Common About Work? 07:30 When Does Risk Become Worth It? 09:33 What Made Jodi Write How to Start? 11:24 Why Is Work Anxiety So High Right Now? 13:56 What Keeps People From Giving Up Too Soon? 15:38 How Did Esther Actually Begin? 19:31 How Did Priya’s Identity Shape Her Path? 22:42 What Happens When Your First Plan Falls Apart? 24:31 Why Does Craft Matter More Than We Think? 28:07 Should You Follow Passion or Build Craft? 29:11 How Do You Actually Practice and Get Better? 30:41 Why Do All Beginnings Feel Awkward? 34:19 How Do You Pair Your Skills With What the World Needs? 36:50 How Do You Stop Waiting and Start Acting? 41:45 How Do You Balance Security and Freedom in Your Career? 45:57 What Should You Take With You as You Begin? About Where Should We Begin?: Every Monday morning, step into the office of iconic psychotherapist Esther Perel and listen in as real people in search of insight bare the raw, intimate, and profound details of their stories. From breakups and open relationships to workplace conflicts and fractures in the family, it’s a place to hear our own stories reflected in the lives of others. About Esther Perel: Psychotherapist, relationship expert, and New York Times bestselling author Esther Perel is recognized as one of today’s most insightful and original voices on modern relationships. Fluent in nine languages, she helms a therapy practice in New York City and serves as an organizational consultant for Fortune 500 companies around the world. Her celebrated TED Talks have garnered more than 40 million views and her bestselling books, Mating in Captivity and The State of Affairs, are global phenomena translated into more than 30 languages. Esther is also the host of the hit podcast Where Should We Begin? which is available on Apple Podcasts. Learn more on her website (here: https://bit.ly/4cPOyl4) or join her Substack (here: https://bit.ly/3P0eAK2) for exclusive bonus content.$ $I Told My Friend I Was in Love with Her. She Told Everyone. Where Should We Begin? with Esther Perel On this weeks episode of Where Should We Begin? with Esther Perel: Esther speaks with a young man whose confession of love for a close friend sets off a chain reaction he never expected. After exposing his love, his secret is out, his five-year relationship ends, and his friend group begins to fracture. He is now navigating heartbreak, betrayal, embarrassment, and what feels like the loss of his village. Esther helps him examine the deeper patterns beneath the chaos. Chapters 00:00 What Happens When Love Is Not Returned? 02:05 What Did the Confession Set in Motion? 03:42 How Did This Relationship Begin to Unravel? 06:01 Where Do Doubt and Self Blame Take Hold? 07:31 What Does Closure Look Like When Emotions Are Raw? 09:42 How Do Living Situations Complicate Heartbreak? 17:50 What Does It Mean to Be Exposed by Betrayal? 22:33 What Do We Do With Words We Never Send? 23:03 Can Trust Be Rebuilt After This? 24:46 How Easily Do We Misread Each Other? 25:22 What Happens When We Turn the Lens on Ourselves? 27:03 How Do We Survive Emotional Overwhelm? 30:25 How Do Family Dynamics Deepen the Pain? 31:58 Why Did Family Therapy Fail to Help? 35:25 How Do We Move From Shame Toward Acceptance? 40:32 Can Writing Become a Path to Healing? 43:35 What Comes Next After the Story Ends? About Where Should We Begin?: Every Monday morning, step into the office of iconic psychotherapist Esther Perel and listen in as real people in search of insight bare the raw, intimate, and profound details of their stories. From breakups and open relationships to workplace conflicts and fractures in the family, it’s a place to hear our own stories reflected in the lives of others. About Esther Perel: Psychotherapist, relationship expert, and New York Times bestselling author Esther Perel is recognized as one of today’s most insightful and original voices on modern relationships. Fluent in nine languages, she helms a therapy practice in New York City and serves as an organizational consultant for Fortune 500 companies around the world. Her celebrated TED Talks have garnered more than 40 million views and her bestselling books, Mating in Captivity and The State of Affairs, are global phenomena translated into more than 30 languages. Esther is also the host of the hit podcast Where Should We Begin? which is available on Apple Podcasts. Learn more at EstherPerel.com, by following @EstherPerelOfficial on Instagram, or by joining my Substack community Entre Nous at https://estherperel.substack.com for bonus content.$

Love, Loneliness, and AI Where Should We Begin Live with Esther Perel and Spike Jonze

Podcast Preview: Am I suffocating you or are you abandoning me?

$Could You Stay Married After a 25 Year Affair? Where Should We Begin? with Esther Perel On this weeks episode of Where Should We Begin? with Esther Perel: Through 40 years of marriage, they built a life together. They immigrated to the United States, raised children, grew a business, and established a community. Six months ago, her longtime suspicion was confirmed: her husband had engaged in a 25 year affair with her cousin. Reeling from the truth, she questions how he could have done this to her. Overtaken with guilt, he hopes that time will heal their wounds. They arrive at Esthers office wondering what they can do to repair their relationship after this profound betrayal. Chapters 00:00 How Does a 25 Year Affair Hide Inside a ‘Good’ Marriage? 00:53 When Marriage Is Arranged, Is There Ever a Real Exit? 04:42 What Happens When Betrayal Finally Enters the Therapy Room? 06:33 Were the Red Flags There From the Very Beginning? 09:39 What Does It Cost to Live in Suspicion for Decades? 12:38 Is the Truth a Relief or Just a New Kind of Pain? 13:36 How Does Someone Compartmentalize a Double Life for 25 Years? 16:28 What Was the Affair Really Giving Him? 21:32 Who Gets to Know and Who Must Stay Silent? 24:41 Can They Stop Reliving the Affair and Turn Toward Each Other? 27:04 How Do You Reach for Someone Who No Longer Trusts You? 28:18 Is Time Enough to Heal or Does Love Require Proof? 32:31 What Does It Mean to Choose Your Partner After Betrayal? 35:42 In an Arranged Marriage, When Does Duty Become Desire? 38:41 Can Jealousy and Play Help Reignite a Marriage? 46:51 How Do You Date the Person You Betrayed? 48:59 Can He End the Double Life and Truly Choose One Future? About Where Should We Begin?: Every Monday morning, step into the office of iconic psychotherapist Esther Perel and listen in as real people in search of insight bare the raw, intimate, and profound details of their stories. From breakups and open relationships to workplace conflicts and fractures in the family, it’s a place to hear our own stories reflected in the lives of others. About Esther Perel: Psychotherapist, relationship expert, and New York Times bestselling author Esther Perel is recognized as one of today’s most insightful and original voices on modern relationships. Fluent in nine languages, she helms a therapy practice in New York City and serves as an organizational consultant for Fortune 500 companies around the world. Her celebrated TED Talks have garnered more than 40 million views and her bestselling books, Mating in Captivity and The State of Affairs, are global phenomena translated into more than 30 languages. Esther is also the host of the hit podcast Where Should We Begin? which is available on Apple Podcasts. Learn more on my website (https://bit.ly/4r8GXmG) subscribe to my Substack Entre Nous for bonus content (https://bit.ly/3PcczKI) or follow @EstherPerelOfficial on Instagram.$ $20 Years Later, Esther Perel Revisits Mating in Captivity I Where Should We Begin? On this weeks episode of Where Should We Begin? with Esther Perel: This week, Esther invites you into a conversation about desire, disruption, and what it means to stay alive to one another in a rapidly changing world. Recorded live at Sessions Live, Esther is joined by journalist and Head of Content at Esther Perel Global Media, Mary Alice Miller, for a look back on twenty years of Mating in Captivity and explore how our ideas about intimacy, desire, and relationships have evolved. Also, just for you, inspired by the anniversary of Mating in Captivity, Esther has also curated a special playlist of Where Should We Begin podcast sessions exploring themes from the book: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/4d1AeEj4uypRpUnrgv6dlm?si=cIw37dzLTMaoBeagQPi1Cw Chapters 00:00 Why Is Todays Episode Special? 01:21 Why Does Audio Feel So Intimate? 03:14 What Happens When Therapy Has an Audience? 08:39 Where Does Relationship Curiosity Begin? 14:28 How Did Esther Become a Therapist? 17:15 When Did Sex Enter the Conversation? 22:17 Why Is Talking About Sex Still So Difficult? 25:48 What Still Surprises Us About Mating in Captivity? 26:55 Can Divorce Become a Different Kind of Love Story? 30:57 What Makes Repair Possible After a Rupture? 35:26 What Questions Should We Ask About the Next 20 Years? 36:49 Is Technology Keeping Us Alive or Keeping Us Apart? About Where Should We Begin?: Every Monday morning, step into the office of iconic psychotherapist Esther Perel and listen in as real people in search of insight bare the raw, intimate, and profound details of their stories. From breakups and open relationships to workplace conflicts and fractures in the family, it’s a place to hear our own stories reflected in the lives of others. About Esther Perel: Psychotherapist, relationship expert, and New York Times bestselling author Esther Perel is recognized as one of today’s most insightful and original voices on modern relationships. Fluent in nine languages, she helms a therapy practice in New York City and serves as an organizational consultant for Fortune 500 companies around the world. Her celebrated TED Talks have garnered more than 40 million views and her bestselling books, Mating in Captivity and The State of Affairs, are global phenomena translated into more than 30 languages. Esther is also the host of the hit podcast Where Should We Begin? which is available on Apple Podcasts. Learn more at EstherPerel.com or by subscribing to her Substack Entre Nous.$