When Will I Get Over My First Breakup: Where Should We Begin? with Esther Perel @estherperel

When Will I Get Over My First Breakup: Where Should We Begin? with Esther Perel @estherperel

Uploaded September 2025 | Updated September 2026, 4 hours ago

On this week's episode of Where Should We Begin? with Esther Perel: Nothing changes us quite like our first love—or our first heartbreak. After falling in love for the first time in his late twenties, he now finds himself navigating the pain of his first breakup. He comes to Esther in search of clarity, healing, and a way forward.

Chapters
00:00 Introduction: First Love and Heartbreak
00:45 Understanding the Context of the Relationship
02:28 Reflecting on Family Dynamics
04:30 Navigating Early Relationship Challenges
05:40 Intimacy and Personal Growth
08:42 Struggles with Performance Anxiety
11:26 The Emotional Rollercoaster
14:34 The Beginning of the End
22:38 Navigating Relationship Dynamics
24:04 Trust Issues and Intimacy Concerns
27:53 The End of the Relationship
29:16 Emotional and Sexual Contrasts
37:02 Moving Forward and Self-Acceptance
44:01 Final Reflections and Insights

About Where Should We Begin?:
Every Monday morning, step into the office of iconic psychotherapist Esther Perel and listen in as real people in search of insight bare the raw, intimate, and profound details of their stories. From breakups and open relationships to workplace conflicts and fractures in the family, it’s a place to hear our own stories reflected in the lives of others.

About Esther Perel:
Psychotherapist, relationship expert, and New York Times bestselling author Esther Perel is recognized as one of today’s most insightful and original voices on modern relationships. Fluent in nine languages, she helms a therapy practice in New York City and serves as an organizational consultant for Fortune 500 companies around the world. Her celebrated TED Talks have garnered more than 40 million views and her bestselling books, Mating in Captivity and The State of Affairs, are global phenomena translated into more than 30 languages. Esther is also the host of the hit podcast Where Should We Begin? which is available on Apple Podcasts. Learn more at EstherPerel.com or by following @EstherPerelOfficial on Instagram.

$When Will I Get Over My First Breakup: Where Should We Begin? with Esther Perel On this weeks episode of Where Should We Begin? with Esther Perel: Nothing changes us quite like our first love—or our first heartbreak. After falling in love for the first time in his late twenties, he now finds himself navigating the pain of his first breakup. He comes to Esther in search of clarity, healing, and a way forward. Chapters 00:00 Introduction: First Love and Heartbreak 00:45 Understanding the Context of the Relationship 02:28 Reflecting on Family Dynamics 04:30 Navigating Early Relationship Challenges 05:40 Intimacy and Personal Growth 08:42 Struggles with Performance Anxiety 11:26 The Emotional Rollercoaster 14:34 The Beginning of the End 22:38 Navigating Relationship Dynamics 24:04 Trust Issues and Intimacy Concerns 27:53 The End of the Relationship 29:16 Emotional and Sexual Contrasts 37:02 Moving Forward and Self-Acceptance 44:01 Final Reflections and Insights About Where Should We Begin?: Every Monday morning, step into the office of iconic psychotherapist Esther Perel and listen in as real people in search of insight bare the raw, intimate, and profound details of their stories. From breakups and open relationships to workplace conflicts and fractures in the family, it’s a place to hear our own stories reflected in the lives of others. About Esther Perel: Psychotherapist, relationship expert, and New York Times bestselling author Esther Perel is recognized as one of today’s most insightful and original voices on modern relationships. Fluent in nine languages, she helms a therapy practice in New York City and serves as an organizational consultant for Fortune 500 companies around the world. Her celebrated TED Talks have garnered more than 40 million views and her bestselling books, Mating in Captivity and The State of Affairs, are global phenomena translated into more than 30 languages. Esther is also the host of the hit podcast Where Should We Begin? which is available on Apple Podcasts. Learn more at EstherPerel.com or by following @EstherPerelOfficial on Instagram.$

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$Im Tired of Parenting My Mom: Where Should We Begin? With Esther Perel Mothering My Mother Into Mothering Me | Where Should We Begin? with Esther Perel On this weeks episode of Where Should We Begin? with Esther Perel: Since the age of 8, she’s been the one holding her mother together and shouldering adult responsibilities long before her time. Now, as an adult herself, she’s ready to step out of the caretaker role and invite her mother to finally be the parent. Esther helps her explore how to loosen these deeply entrenched dynamics and create space for a more balanced, reciprocal relationship. Chapters 00:00 What Happens When a Child Becomes the Caregiver? 00:35 Why Does This Mother-Daughter Bond Feel So Complicated? 01:39 How Does Carrying Adult Responsibilities Shape a Child? 03:40 What Happens When Love Turns Into Resentment and Guilt? 05:10 What Do Family Dynamics Reveal Beneath the Surface? 07:17 How Do You Care for Others Without Losing Yourself? 08:59 Why Does Setting Boundaries Feel So Hard? 22:25 How Does Grief and Isolation Shape a Family Story? 25:03 What Does Anger Can Teach Us About Control? 26:02 Why is Expressing Anger So Different Across Cultures? 26:47 How Do Cultural Expectations Shape Family Roles? 30:37 How Do Small Acts Become Statements of Identity? 32:38 What Happens When Generations Collide? 35:04 How Does Better Communication Shift the Relationship? 42:59 What Do Patterns Reveal About the Path Forward? About Where Should We Begin?: Every Monday morning, step into the office of iconic psychotherapist Esther Perel and listen in as real people in search of insight bare the raw, intimate, and profound details of their stories. From breakups and open relationships to workplace conflicts and fractures in the family, it’s a place to hear our own stories reflected in the lives of others. About Esther Perel: Psychotherapist, relationship expert, and New York Times bestselling author Esther Perel is recognized as one of today’s most insightful and original voices on modern relationships. Fluent in nine languages, she helms a therapy practice in New York City and serves as an organizational consultant for Fortune 500 companies around the world. Her celebrated TED Talks have garnered more than 40 million views and her bestselling books, Mating in Captivity and The State of Affairs, are global phenomena translated into more than 30 languages. Esther is also the host of the hit podcast Where Should We Begin? which is available on Apple Podcasts. Learn more at EstherPerel.com(https://bit.ly/45I3yPd), join my Substack community Entre Nous for bonus content (https://bit.ly/4kdcWQZ), or follow @EstherPerelOfficial on Instagram.$

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$Conversations From Sessions Live: Julia Samuel on Grief | Where Should We Begin? with Esther Perel On this weeks episode of Where Should We Begin? with Esther Perel: Esther presents another talk you have to hear from her recent clinical conference, Sessions Live. Listen in as Julia Samuel speaks on Eros and Thanatos: Love, Grief, and the Forces that Shape Us. Julia Samuel MBE is a leading UK psychotherapist who worked for decades in the NHS. She is Founder Patron of Child Bereavement UK an organization she played a significant part for 25 years. Julia was given an Honorary Doctorate by Middlesex University in 2017. Appointed Commissioner of the UK Commission on Bereavement 2021. Julia has written three books, all Sunday Times bestsellers: Grief Works, This Too Shall Pass, and Every Family Has a Story; and has a podcast Therapy Works. Her presentation of grief is a must-listen. These talks were recorded at Esther Perel’s Annual Sessions Live event, entitled Mating in the Metacrisis: Connection, Polarization, and Eroticism in a World on Edge. For more information on the event and how you can watch it now, please go to www.estherperel.com About Where Should We Begin?: Every Monday morning, step into the office of iconic psychotherapist Esther Perel and listen in as real people in search of insight bare the raw, intimate, and profound details of their stories. From breakups and open relationships to workplace conflicts and fractures in the family, it’s a place to hear our own stories reflected in the lives of others. About Esther Perel: Psychotherapist, relationship expert, and New York Times bestselling author Esther Perel is recognized as one of today’s most insightful and original voices on modern relationships. Fluent in nine languages, she helms a therapy practice in New York City and serves as an organizational consultant for Fortune 500 companies around the world. Her celebrated TED Talks have garnered more than 40 million views and her bestselling books, Mating in Captivity and The State of Affairs, are global phenomena translated into more than 30 languages. Esther is also the host of the hit podcast Where Should We Begin? which is available on Apple Podcasts. Learn more at EstherPerel.com or by following @EstherPerelOfficial on Instagram.$

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$Is This the Person Im Meant to Be With I Where Should We Begin? with Esther Perel They arrive in Esther’s office at a crossroads. A year ago, they decided to de-escalate their relationship: to transition from romantic partners to live-in roommates. In their decade-long relationship, they had become stuck in dysfunctional patterns and toxic behaviors. But they didn’t want to force a complete separation: they still loved each other, and they couldn’t afford to move out on their own. A year into this platonic experiment, things feel better between them. Does this mean they should they get back together? Or does it mean that by continuing to live together, they are prohibiting each other from moving on? Are they meant to be each other’s lifelong partners or best friends? Chapters 00:26 Are We at a Crossroads or Just Afraid to Let Go? 01:06 Can Living Together Apart Actually Deescalate Us? 02:11 Should We Try Again or Protect What’s Working? 02:55 Did Our Love Story Start on Shaky Ground? 03:44 Was It Ever About Fun or Something Deeper? 07:13 How Did Our Roles Get So Rigid So Fast? 09:34 Why Does Home Get the Leftovers? 12:59 When Did Jokes Turn Into Contempt? 16:17 Did the Pandemic Break Us or Expose Us? 18:45 Is This About Autonomy or Old Family Patterns? 21:43 Is Control Just Fear in Disguise? 24:05 Did We Come Out of Lockdown Wanting Opposite Lives? 25:06 Did We Lose Each Other During BLM and Isolation? 26:41 How Did We End Up Switching Roles Completely? 28:15 Am I Chasing Validation or Avoiding Myself? 30:15 Did We Turn Each Other Into a “Fun Machine”? 33:17 What Happens If We Truly Deescalate? 35:22 Can Live-In Separation Actually Work? 36:20 What If Differentiation Matters More Than Labels? 39:25 Can Music Teach Us How to Stay Ourselves Together? 42:15 Are We Rushing to Define Something That’s Working? 46:48 What Does Sex Mean When We’re Not “Together”? 48:43 What If We Let This Evolve Without Forcing It? 50:05 Could Uncertainty Actually Be the Medicine? About Where Should We Begin?: Every Monday morning, step into the office of iconic psychotherapist Esther Perel and listen in as real people in search of insight bare the raw, intimate, and profound details of their stories. From breakups and open relationships to workplace conflicts and fractures in the family, it’s a place to hear our own stories reflected in the lives of others. About Esther Perel: Psychotherapist, relationship expert, and New York Times bestselling author Esther Perel is recognized as one of today’s most insightful and original voices on modern relationships. Fluent in nine languages, she helms a therapy practice in New York City and serves as an organizational consultant for Fortune 500 companies around the world. Her celebrated TED Talks have garnered more than 40 million views and her bestselling books, Mating in Captivity and The State of Affairs, are global phenomena translated into more than 30 languages. Esther is also the host of the hit podcast Where Should We Begin? which is available on Apple Podcasts. Learn more on her website (https://bit.ly/4tYBrVC) or subscribe to her Substack Entre Nous for bonus content (https://bit.ly/3PcczKI).$ $Conversations From Sessions Live: Nedra Glover Tawwab | Where Should We Begin? with Esther Perel Licensed therapist and New York Times bestselling author Nedra Glover Tawwab offers a clear, compassionate roadmap for navigating boundaries in relationships. Boundaries do not have to mean endings. In fact, boundaries can be a way for us to connect. She explores how boundary-setting is not about pushing people away but about creating the conditions for healthy connection. In a time when many feel overstretched, overwhelmed, or emotionally enmeshed, she reminds us that boundaries are a vital act of self-respect—and a necessary foundation for mutual care. These panels were recorded at Esther Perel’s Annual Sessions Live event, entitled Mating in the Metacrisis: Connection, Polarization, and Eroticism in a World on Edge. For more information on the event and how you can watch it now, please go to www.estherperel.com About Where Should We Begin?: Every Monday morning, step into the office of iconic psychotherapist Esther Perel and listen in as real people in search of insight bare the raw, intimate, and profound details of their stories. From breakups and open relationships to workplace conflicts and fractures in the family, it’s a place to hear our own stories reflected in the lives of others. About Esther Perel: Psychotherapist, relationship expert, and New York Times bestselling author Esther Perel is recognized as one of today’s most insightful and original voices on modern relationships. Fluent in nine languages, she helms a therapy practice in New York City and serves as an organizational consultant for Fortune 500 companies around the world. Her celebrated TED Talks have garnered more than 40 million views and her bestselling books, Mating in Captivity and The State of Affairs, are global phenomena translated into more than 30 languages. Esther is also the host of the hit podcast Where Should We Begin? which is available on Apple Podcasts. Learn more at EstherPerel.com or by following @EstherPerelOfficial on Instagram.$

When Will I Get Over My First Breakup: Where Should We Begin? with Esther Perel