Uploaded June 2025 | Updated September 2026, 2 weeks ago
We’ve all had moments where we watch ourselves make the exact wrong choice: procrastinating on an important task, picking a fight in a good relationship, or pulling back just when things are starting to go well. This is self-sabotage, and in this episode @RickHanson and I explore why we do it and how to stop.
Key Topics:
0:00 Introduction
2:05 What is self-sabotage, really?
6:10 Why self-sabotage is often a form of protection
10:20 Avoidance coping and the logic of “safe failure”
14:40 The identity cost of doing well
18:55 Internal conflict and the parts model
24:15 Challenge vs. threat: how the brain evaluates risk
30:05 Real-life examples of self-sabotage
35:30 How to begin working with self-sabotaging parts
41:45 Working with self-destructive parts
47:10 Creating safer conditions for growth
53:25 Building a feedback loop that reinforces trust
58:40 Final takeaways
Subscribe to Being Well on:
Apple Podcasts: podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/being-well-with-dr-rick-hanson/id1120885936
Spotify: open.spotify.com/show/5d87ZU1XY0fpdYNSEwXLVQ
Who Am I: I'm Forrest, the co-author of Resilient (amzn.to/3iXLerD) and host of the Being Well Podcast (apple.co/38ufGG0). I'm making videos focused on simplifying psychology, mental health, and personal growth.
Subscribe to Rick on YouTube: youtube.com/@RickHanson?sub_confirmation=1
Get Rick's Free Newsletters: rickhanson.com/writings/newsletters-from-dr-rick-hanson
Follow Rick Here:
🌍 rickhanson.com
📸 instagram.com/rickhansonphd
I'm not a clinician, and what I say on this channel should not be taken as medical advice.
You can follow me here:
🎤 apple.co/38ufGG0
🌍 forresthanson.com
📸 instagram.com/f.hanson
We’ve all had moments where we watch ourselves make the exact wrong choice: procrastinating on an important task, picking a fight in a good relationship, or pulling back just when things are starting to go well. This is self-sabotage, and in this episode @RickHanson and I explore why we do it and how to stop.
Key Topics:
0:00 Introduction
2:05 What is self-sabotage, really?
6:10 Why self-sabotage is often a form of protection
10:20 Avoidance coping and the logic of “safe failure”
14:40 The identity cost of doing well
18:55 Internal conflict and the parts model
24:15 Challenge vs. threat: how the brain evaluates risk
30:05 Real-life examples of self-sabotage
35:30 How to begin working with self-sabotaging parts
41:45 Working with self-destructive parts
47:10 Creating safer conditions for growth
53:25 Building a feedback loop that reinforces trust
58:40 Final takeaways
Subscribe to Being Well on:
Apple Podcasts: podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/being-well-with-dr-rick-hanson/id1120885936
Spotify: open.spotify.com/show/5d87ZU1XY0fpdYNSEwXLVQ
Who Am I: I'm Forrest, the co-author of Resilient (amzn.to/3iXLerD) and host of the Being Well Podcast (apple.co/38ufGG0). I'm making videos focused on simplifying psychology, mental health, and personal growth.
Subscribe to Rick on YouTube: youtube.com/@RickHanson?sub_confirmation=1
Get Rick's Free Newsletters: rickhanson.com/writings/newsletters-from-dr-rick-hanson
Follow Rick Here:
🌍 rickhanson.com
📸 instagram.com/rickhansonphd
I'm not a clinician, and what I say on this channel should not be taken as medical advice.
You can follow me here:
🎤 apple.co/38ufGG0
🌍 forresthanson.com
📸 instagram.com/f.hanson
