Uploaded March 2026 | Updated September 2026, 4 hours ago
On this week's episode of Where Should We Begin? with Esther Perel: A divorced woman calls Esther to untangle a new love that brings both exhilaration and heartache.
She is in a relationship with a married man whose marriage is ethically non-monogamous and finds herself caught between desire, jealousy and the longing to feel chosen. As the conversation unfolds, buried childhood wounds, attachment patterns, and an inherited inner critic rise to the surface. They explore how old stories shape present love and what it might mean to rewrite the story she tells herself about love.
Chapters
00:00 Should She Stay or Should She Go?
01:17 What Does Her Poly Relationship Really Look Like?
05:42 When Jealousy Collides With Family First
07:42 How Did Divorce Shape the Way She Loves?
10:47 How Do Father Wounds Influence Attachment?
13:22 What Happens When Fear of Loss Turns Into Outbursts?
16:54 What Changes After Meeting the Wife?
19:57 Can You Externalize Jealousy Instead of Becoming It?
22:53 Whose Voice Is Undermining Her Self Worth?
25:59 What Do Primary and Secondary Really Mean?
27:36 Is Exclusive the Same as Special?
30:30 How Much Do Friends’ Opinions Matter?
32:24 Which Story About Jealousy Will She Believe?
34:21 Are Her Meltdowns Echoes of Childhood?
36:31 What Is Anger Trying to Protect?
37:38 Why Does Flirtation Trigger Such a Spiral?
40:37 Is She Competing With Other Women or With Herself?
44:50 What If She Could Design Love on Her Own Terms?
48:34 What Happens When You Stop Hiding Jealousy and Put It on the Mantle?
About Where Should We Begin?:
Every Monday morning, step into the office of iconic psychotherapist Esther Perel and listen in as real people in search of insight bare the raw, intimate, and profound details of their stories. From breakups and open relationships to workplace conflicts and fractures in the family, it’s a place to hear our own stories reflected in the lives of others.
About Esther Perel:
Psychotherapist, relationship expert, and New York Times bestselling author Esther Perel is recognized as one of today’s most insightful and original voices on modern relationships. Fluent in nine languages, she helms a therapy practice in New York City and serves as an organizational consultant for Fortune 500 companies around the world. Her celebrated TED Talks have garnered more than 40 million views and her bestselling books, Mating in Captivity and The State of Affairs, are global phenomena translated into more than 30 languages. Esther is also the host of the hit podcast Where Should We Begin? which is available on Apple Podcasts. Learn more on her website (here: bit.ly/4daEC7i) or by joining her Substack community Entre Nous (here: bit.ly/3P0eAK2) for bonus content.
On this week's episode of Where Should We Begin? with Esther Perel: A divorced woman calls Esther to untangle a new love that brings both exhilaration and heartache.
She is in a relationship with a married man whose marriage is ethically non-monogamous and finds herself caught between desire, jealousy and the longing to feel chosen. As the conversation unfolds, buried childhood wounds, attachment patterns, and an inherited inner critic rise to the surface. They explore how old stories shape present love and what it might mean to rewrite the story she tells herself about love.
Chapters
00:00 Should She Stay or Should She Go?
01:17 What Does Her Poly Relationship Really Look Like?
05:42 When Jealousy Collides With Family First
07:42 How Did Divorce Shape the Way She Loves?
10:47 How Do Father Wounds Influence Attachment?
13:22 What Happens When Fear of Loss Turns Into Outbursts?
16:54 What Changes After Meeting the Wife?
19:57 Can You Externalize Jealousy Instead of Becoming It?
22:53 Whose Voice Is Undermining Her Self Worth?
25:59 What Do Primary and Secondary Really Mean?
27:36 Is Exclusive the Same as Special?
30:30 How Much Do Friends’ Opinions Matter?
32:24 Which Story About Jealousy Will She Believe?
34:21 Are Her Meltdowns Echoes of Childhood?
36:31 What Is Anger Trying to Protect?
37:38 Why Does Flirtation Trigger Such a Spiral?
40:37 Is She Competing With Other Women or With Herself?
44:50 What If She Could Design Love on Her Own Terms?
48:34 What Happens When You Stop Hiding Jealousy and Put It on the Mantle?
About Where Should We Begin?:
Every Monday morning, step into the office of iconic psychotherapist Esther Perel and listen in as real people in search of insight bare the raw, intimate, and profound details of their stories. From breakups and open relationships to workplace conflicts and fractures in the family, it’s a place to hear our own stories reflected in the lives of others.
About Esther Perel:
Psychotherapist, relationship expert, and New York Times bestselling author Esther Perel is recognized as one of today’s most insightful and original voices on modern relationships. Fluent in nine languages, she helms a therapy practice in New York City and serves as an organizational consultant for Fortune 500 companies around the world. Her celebrated TED Talks have garnered more than 40 million views and her bestselling books, Mating in Captivity and The State of Affairs, are global phenomena translated into more than 30 languages. Esther is also the host of the hit podcast Where Should We Begin? which is available on Apple Podcasts. Learn more on her website (here: bit.ly/4daEC7i) or by joining her Substack community Entre Nous (here: bit.ly/3P0eAK2) for bonus content.
