Uploaded March 2021 | Updated September 2026, 13 minutes ago
In today's interview Debra Doak, CDC CDFA, a Christian divorce coach and pastoral counselor talks about your options if you're not really sure you want to leave your spouse. How do you protect yourself and still give God time to see if your spouse is willing or capable of leaving their infidelity, abuse or porn use behind?
You're not ready to say: YES or NO. The good news is you can say "WAIT."
In this video, Debra talks about walking the Parallel Path. You haven't said "yes" to divorce, or "no." You are waiting with intention. You are holding to a thread of hope, but at the same time preparing a safety plan in case he doesn't respect your boundaries and change.
02:17 Holding out a thread of hope, working on boundaries and assertiveness. Boundaries are to keep you safe. If it doesn't keep you safe, it's not a boundary
04:07 PARALLEL PATH
06:17 4-STEP PLAN
07:22 PREPARE - What if you're afraid to ask your spouse about your bank accounts and income?
14:05 - What to do if you spouse demands you sign a tax return you haven't seen or examined. What if they forge your name? How to document it and protect yourself.
21:56 - How to set up your own bank account, credit cards, and forward your mail in order to avoid the tactic of financial "spousal starvation."
31:43 - When to see an attorney. What should you collect first.
36:19 PLAN - Education, student loans, how to pick an attorney
42:38 PRIORITIZE - figure out what you need: cash now? retirement now? a house now?
46:32 POSITION - how to decide if it's time to go. How to determine whether your spouse has really changed or is just checking off the boxes. Looking for fruit of change. Knowledge is the antidote to fear.
We talk about how to gather information about your household income and expenses, and Debra gives insights on what to do if your spouse demands you sign the joint income tax return without seeing any of the numbers or documents used to prepare it. She explains how to document it and protect yourself legally.
----
ABOUT
Gretchen Baskerville is a Christian divorce recovery leader and researcher. For more than 20 years, she has worked with Christian women and men going through difficult, life-saving divorces, listening with compassion to those who have suffered from domestic violence, betrayal, infidelity, and emotional abuse. She helps heartbroken people find strength and courage and healing.
Her book, "The Life-Saving Divorce" is about the one-half of U.S. divorces that are for very serious reasons. She will give you optimism about your children's future (nearly 8 in 10 children turn out fine after divorce, according to top researchers); and will help you understand emotional abuse, "gaslighting," the abuse cycle, and tips for surviving high-conflict divorces.
FOR A DISCUSSION ON THE TOPIC OF CREATING AN ESCAPE PLAN, read p. 198-208, in The Life-Saving Divorce book.
What's a Life-Saving Divorce? A Life-Saving Divorce is a divorce for the serious reasons: a pattern of chronic emotional abuse, infidelity, domestic violence, sexual immorality, felony behavior, neglect, substance abuse, etc.
How to Get the Book, "The Life-Saving Divorce: Hope for People Leaving Destructive Relationships"
Paperback Book/Kindle via Amazon: amzn.to/3CCBsnr As an Amazon Associate I earn from qualifying purchases.
Follow Gretchen Baskerville:
Subscribe to Gretchen's You Tube channel: youtube.com/channel/UCRgtUNfTlYIRDt8iOK6XPKQ
Facebook: facebook.com/gretchen.baskerville
Twitter: twitter.com/GGBaskerville
Other helpful links
Website and Blog: LifeSavingDivorce.com
Top 50 Blog Posts by Topic: lifesavingdivorce.com/popular
Life-Saving Divorce Email Signup: LifeSavingDivorce.com/courage
In today's interview Debra Doak, CDC CDFA, a Christian divorce coach and pastoral counselor talks about your options if you're not really sure you want to leave your spouse. How do you protect yourself and still give God time to see if your spouse is willing or capable of leaving their infidelity, abuse or porn use behind?
You're not ready to say: YES or NO. The good news is you can say "WAIT."
In this video, Debra talks about walking the Parallel Path. You haven't said "yes" to divorce, or "no." You are waiting with intention. You are holding to a thread of hope, but at the same time preparing a safety plan in case he doesn't respect your boundaries and change.
02:17 Holding out a thread of hope, working on boundaries and assertiveness. Boundaries are to keep you safe. If it doesn't keep you safe, it's not a boundary
04:07 PARALLEL PATH
06:17 4-STEP PLAN
07:22 PREPARE - What if you're afraid to ask your spouse about your bank accounts and income?
14:05 - What to do if you spouse demands you sign a tax return you haven't seen or examined. What if they forge your name? How to document it and protect yourself.
21:56 - How to set up your own bank account, credit cards, and forward your mail in order to avoid the tactic of financial "spousal starvation."
31:43 - When to see an attorney. What should you collect first.
36:19 PLAN - Education, student loans, how to pick an attorney
42:38 PRIORITIZE - figure out what you need: cash now? retirement now? a house now?
46:32 POSITION - how to decide if it's time to go. How to determine whether your spouse has really changed or is just checking off the boxes. Looking for fruit of change. Knowledge is the antidote to fear.
We talk about how to gather information about your household income and expenses, and Debra gives insights on what to do if your spouse demands you sign the joint income tax return without seeing any of the numbers or documents used to prepare it. She explains how to document it and protect yourself legally.
----
ABOUT
Gretchen Baskerville is a Christian divorce recovery leader and researcher. For more than 20 years, she has worked with Christian women and men going through difficult, life-saving divorces, listening with compassion to those who have suffered from domestic violence, betrayal, infidelity, and emotional abuse. She helps heartbroken people find strength and courage and healing.
Her book, "The Life-Saving Divorce" is about the one-half of U.S. divorces that are for very serious reasons. She will give you optimism about your children's future (nearly 8 in 10 children turn out fine after divorce, according to top researchers); and will help you understand emotional abuse, "gaslighting," the abuse cycle, and tips for surviving high-conflict divorces.
FOR A DISCUSSION ON THE TOPIC OF CREATING AN ESCAPE PLAN, read p. 198-208, in The Life-Saving Divorce book.
What's a Life-Saving Divorce? A Life-Saving Divorce is a divorce for the serious reasons: a pattern of chronic emotional abuse, infidelity, domestic violence, sexual immorality, felony behavior, neglect, substance abuse, etc.
How to Get the Book, "The Life-Saving Divorce: Hope for People Leaving Destructive Relationships"
Paperback Book/Kindle via Amazon: amzn.to/3CCBsnr As an Amazon Associate I earn from qualifying purchases.
Follow Gretchen Baskerville:
Subscribe to Gretchen's You Tube channel: youtube.com/channel/UCRgtUNfTlYIRDt8iOK6XPKQ
Facebook: facebook.com/gretchen.baskerville
Twitter: twitter.com/GGBaskerville
Other helpful links
Website and Blog: LifeSavingDivorce.com
Top 50 Blog Posts by Topic: lifesavingdivorce.com/popular
Life-Saving Divorce Email Signup: LifeSavingDivorce.com/courage
