Uploaded July 2026 | Updated September 2026, 2 weeks ago
From machete bans to $187B in projected net debt, the ultimate “team player” Jacinta Allan’s brief tenure as Premier is over. Ben Carroll takes over as Victoria’s 50th leader—but can a fresh face distance himself from the wreckage, or are voters completely done with Labor?
Former Victorian Premier Daniel Andrews did a lot of controversial things during his tenure.
Most infamously, he kept Victorians locked down to save them from the killer flu, with Melbourne enduring six separate lockdowns—making it one of the most locked-down places on Earth.
“Staying Apart Keeps Us Together,” or so they said.
But when he stepped down, the ABC reported: “Love him or loathe him, Andrews walks away as a leader who could not be vanquished.”
The baton was passed to his deputy, Jacinta Allan. Back when she was first elected in 1999 at the age of 25, she was noted for being the youngest female parliamentarian in Victorian history. Surprisingly, Allan is a member of Labor’s Socialist Left faction. I know—just like you, I thought she was more right-leaning.
During her tenure, she introduced a state-wide machete ban, spending taxpayer money on highly effective “machete bins”.
The ban has worked a treat. Just this week, Nine News reported: “Call for action after two machete attacks in one night on Melbourne corner.” Because as every hardened criminal knows, you always drop your weapons in the government amnesty bin before heading out for a midnight crime spree.
Under her leadership, she also introduced a race-based treaty, with the ABC noting: “‘Over the moon’: Aboriginal activists, leaders celebrate historic treaty.” Yes, Victorians have been forced to sign a treaty with other Victorians—not to end a war or settle foreign borders, but because the state government decided to categorise its own citizens by ethnic background.
She also oversaw Victoria’s so-called “Big Build” infrastructure program, spending billions of taxpayer dollars on things like: “First Nations–owned company powering tunnel boring machines with renewable energy,” and “Aboriginal art adorns TBMs.”
Because machines that spend most of their life 40 metres underground obviously need taxpayer-funded Aboriginal art on their cutterhead.
Although Jacinta Allan was never elected Premier in her own right, the biggest thing she did for Victoria happened just this morning, as reported by SBS: “Victorian Premier Jacinta Allan has resigned.”
Yes, the leader who was once targeted by a roving “Ditch the Witch” billboard—complaining to the ABC that it “drives disrespect for women”—is now ditching her own position. At this rate, stepping down before the public gets a chance to vote you out is fast becoming a Victorian Labor tradition.
None of this is too surprising if you look at recent polls. Driven down by a massive surge in support for One Nation, Labor was on track to lose government under Jacinta Allan’s leadership.
Regardless of how you slice the numbers, two-party-preferred polling shows Victorian Labor is well and truly on the nose.
Even when resigning, she still had to play identity politics. In one video posted to X, she declared: “I’m a woman”—just in case anyone forgot. Though to be fair, in modern Victoria, defining what a woman actually is has been a bit of a challenge.
She also noted: “If I want to be remembered for one thing, it’s this: I led a government that listened to girls about their health.”
Which is certainly one way to frame leaving behind a multi-billion dollar debt and a looming electoral disaster.
She also posted part of her resignation speech declaring: “At the end of the day, I am – and always will be – a team player.” Oh, how noble.
In her speech, she said: “I was prepared to put my record and my plan to a ballot of members—as rules allow. I believe I would have won.”
Okay, if she really believed she would have won, why quit? If she’s the greatest premier Victoria has ever seen, why step aside?
Obviously, she wouldn’t have won. The writing was on the wall, and she jumped before she was pushed to save face. I call complete BS on her “quitting because I’m a team player” nonsense.
Interestingly, she also said: “I step down after 1,036 days in the job.”
Notice how she measured it in “days” rather than “years”? If she used years, she couldn’t even claim three—that’s less than a single full term as premier.
Although, saying “almost three years” doesn’t quite have the same heroic ring to it, does it? It sounds less like a proud legacy and more like a brief political footnote.
Anyway, her deputy, Ben Carroll—from the Labor Right faction—has now been sworn in as Victoria’s 50th premier, with Gabrielle Williams of the Socialist Left as his deputy.
Will this new team of recycled factional insiders be able to get the Victorian public back on side, or will voters be tossing this entire government directly into the amnesty bin come November?
MUSIC
Allégro by Emmit Fenn
From machete bans to $187B in projected net debt, the ultimate “team player” Jacinta Allan’s brief tenure as Premier is over. Ben Carroll takes over as Victoria’s 50th leader—but can a fresh face distance himself from the wreckage, or are voters completely done with Labor?
Former Victorian Premier Daniel Andrews did a lot of controversial things during his tenure.
Most infamously, he kept Victorians locked down to save them from the killer flu, with Melbourne enduring six separate lockdowns—making it one of the most locked-down places on Earth.
“Staying Apart Keeps Us Together,” or so they said.
But when he stepped down, the ABC reported: “Love him or loathe him, Andrews walks away as a leader who could not be vanquished.”
The baton was passed to his deputy, Jacinta Allan. Back when she was first elected in 1999 at the age of 25, she was noted for being the youngest female parliamentarian in Victorian history. Surprisingly, Allan is a member of Labor’s Socialist Left faction. I know—just like you, I thought she was more right-leaning.
During her tenure, she introduced a state-wide machete ban, spending taxpayer money on highly effective “machete bins”.
The ban has worked a treat. Just this week, Nine News reported: “Call for action after two machete attacks in one night on Melbourne corner.” Because as every hardened criminal knows, you always drop your weapons in the government amnesty bin before heading out for a midnight crime spree.
Under her leadership, she also introduced a race-based treaty, with the ABC noting: “‘Over the moon’: Aboriginal activists, leaders celebrate historic treaty.” Yes, Victorians have been forced to sign a treaty with other Victorians—not to end a war or settle foreign borders, but because the state government decided to categorise its own citizens by ethnic background.
She also oversaw Victoria’s so-called “Big Build” infrastructure program, spending billions of taxpayer dollars on things like: “First Nations–owned company powering tunnel boring machines with renewable energy,” and “Aboriginal art adorns TBMs.”
Because machines that spend most of their life 40 metres underground obviously need taxpayer-funded Aboriginal art on their cutterhead.
Although Jacinta Allan was never elected Premier in her own right, the biggest thing she did for Victoria happened just this morning, as reported by SBS: “Victorian Premier Jacinta Allan has resigned.”
Yes, the leader who was once targeted by a roving “Ditch the Witch” billboard—complaining to the ABC that it “drives disrespect for women”—is now ditching her own position. At this rate, stepping down before the public gets a chance to vote you out is fast becoming a Victorian Labor tradition.
None of this is too surprising if you look at recent polls. Driven down by a massive surge in support for One Nation, Labor was on track to lose government under Jacinta Allan’s leadership.
Regardless of how you slice the numbers, two-party-preferred polling shows Victorian Labor is well and truly on the nose.
Even when resigning, she still had to play identity politics. In one video posted to X, she declared: “I’m a woman”—just in case anyone forgot. Though to be fair, in modern Victoria, defining what a woman actually is has been a bit of a challenge.
She also noted: “If I want to be remembered for one thing, it’s this: I led a government that listened to girls about their health.”
Which is certainly one way to frame leaving behind a multi-billion dollar debt and a looming electoral disaster.
She also posted part of her resignation speech declaring: “At the end of the day, I am – and always will be – a team player.” Oh, how noble.
In her speech, she said: “I was prepared to put my record and my plan to a ballot of members—as rules allow. I believe I would have won.”
Okay, if she really believed she would have won, why quit? If she’s the greatest premier Victoria has ever seen, why step aside?
Obviously, she wouldn’t have won. The writing was on the wall, and she jumped before she was pushed to save face. I call complete BS on her “quitting because I’m a team player” nonsense.
Interestingly, she also said: “I step down after 1,036 days in the job.”
Notice how she measured it in “days” rather than “years”? If she used years, she couldn’t even claim three—that’s less than a single full term as premier.
Although, saying “almost three years” doesn’t quite have the same heroic ring to it, does it? It sounds less like a proud legacy and more like a brief political footnote.
Anyway, her deputy, Ben Carroll—from the Labor Right faction—has now been sworn in as Victoria’s 50th premier, with Gabrielle Williams of the Socialist Left as his deputy.
Will this new team of recycled factional insiders be able to get the Victorian public back on side, or will voters be tossing this entire government directly into the amnesty bin come November?
MUSIC
Allégro by Emmit Fenn
