Uploaded March 2026 | Updated September 2026, 2 weeks ago
This is the British pound sterling, the world’s oldest currency in continuous use since its inception. These are the banknotes. As you can see, they feature the faces of famous British figures. For example, the £5 note has a portrait of former military officer and wartime Prime Minister Winston Churchill; the £10 features celebrated English novelist Jane Austen; while the £50 showcases WWII codebreaker and the father of modern computing, Alan Turing.
Influential British people on British banknotes? Nothing to see here, right? Well, it turns out that in the name of diversity—or some other such nonsense—having pictures of people on money might upset some individuals. And as you know, in modern society, we’re not allowed to upset anyone. For example, Winston Churchill: although he saved Britain from Nazi Germany, he was a staunch defender of British imperialism. Not to mention he was a member of the Conservative Party—very upsetting.
So, the Bank of England, in its infinite wisdom, has decided to replace these “divisive” humans with British wildlife instead. Thank you to the viewer who sent this in. As the BBC reported recently: “Wildlife to replace historical figures on banknotes—and you get a say.” Well, not you, unless you’re British, but even then, you probably won’t get much of a say.
Just to be clear: they’re not erasing history, they’re just updating it—by deleting historical figures.
According to the BBC article, this “spells the end for the, sometimes controversial, choice of historical characters.” But never fear, “a panel of experts will draw up a wildlife shortlist to put before the public.” Ah, democracy at work. Don’t worry about the disappearance of these national icons; just shut up and choose an animal!
The official reason for the change has nothing to do with divisive historical figures, but rather, as the BBC put it: “Images of wildlife would be difficult to counterfeit, while also allowing for a celebration of nature across the country, the Bank said.”
Of course! See, counterfeiting Winston Churchill is too easy—apparently any toddler can scribble a recognisable cigar and a scowl—but try to draw a robin! They’re surprisingly impossible to draw. And the common frog? Once the Bank has an amphibian on the fiver, financial crime in the British Isles is basically solved.
According to more recent BBC reports, to everyone’s surprise, there’s been a bit of a backlash to the Bank’s sudden pivot to biology. Leader of the Opposition Kemi Badenoch said it was “a silly thing to do,” while Reform’s Nigel Farage called it “absolutely crackers.” And again, the Bank reiterates that this was primarily an anti-counterfeiting move, claiming Churchill and other historical characters “would eventually have to be replaced” anyway.
The anti-counterfeiting properties of the Eurasian beaver cannot be understated. Even the RSPCA has stepped into the debate, making the case for “pigeons, rats and gulls” to be represented on the currency. Oh yes, I can’t wait for the tenner to have a rat on it. Nothing says ‘Global Britain’ quite like a plague-carrying rodent.
For those lovers of the royal family, never fear; the BBC notes that “the monarch has appeared on Bank of England notes since 1960, and will continue to do so in the future.” So, King Charles will still be there, personally overseeing every overpriced pint and electricity bill.
Chief Cashier at the Bank of England, Victoria Cleland, loves her new idea. She said: “Nature is a great choice from a banknote authentication perspective and means we can showcase the UK’s rich and varied wildlife on the next series of banknotes.” See? It’s purely technical! Apparently, a badger has better “authentication perspective” than the man who won the Second World War.
I guess now it’s just a matter of time until Australia copies the UK—as we love to do—and starts erasing the likes of one of Australia’s greatest military commanders, John Monash, and replacing him with a bin chicken. ‘Waltzing Matilda’-creator Banjo Paterson will become a grumpy wombat, while Queen Elizabeth will be appropriately superseded by a screeching cockatoo.
I just can’t wait till they replace our heritage with a zoo, because as we’ve learnt today: they’re not erasing history, they’re just updating it—by deleting the very people who made it.
MUSIC
Allégro by Emmit Fenn
This is the British pound sterling, the world’s oldest currency in continuous use since its inception. These are the banknotes. As you can see, they feature the faces of famous British figures. For example, the £5 note has a portrait of former military officer and wartime Prime Minister Winston Churchill; the £10 features celebrated English novelist Jane Austen; while the £50 showcases WWII codebreaker and the father of modern computing, Alan Turing.
Influential British people on British banknotes? Nothing to see here, right? Well, it turns out that in the name of diversity—or some other such nonsense—having pictures of people on money might upset some individuals. And as you know, in modern society, we’re not allowed to upset anyone. For example, Winston Churchill: although he saved Britain from Nazi Germany, he was a staunch defender of British imperialism. Not to mention he was a member of the Conservative Party—very upsetting.
So, the Bank of England, in its infinite wisdom, has decided to replace these “divisive” humans with British wildlife instead. Thank you to the viewer who sent this in. As the BBC reported recently: “Wildlife to replace historical figures on banknotes—and you get a say.” Well, not you, unless you’re British, but even then, you probably won’t get much of a say.
Just to be clear: they’re not erasing history, they’re just updating it—by deleting historical figures.
According to the BBC article, this “spells the end for the, sometimes controversial, choice of historical characters.” But never fear, “a panel of experts will draw up a wildlife shortlist to put before the public.” Ah, democracy at work. Don’t worry about the disappearance of these national icons; just shut up and choose an animal!
The official reason for the change has nothing to do with divisive historical figures, but rather, as the BBC put it: “Images of wildlife would be difficult to counterfeit, while also allowing for a celebration of nature across the country, the Bank said.”
Of course! See, counterfeiting Winston Churchill is too easy—apparently any toddler can scribble a recognisable cigar and a scowl—but try to draw a robin! They’re surprisingly impossible to draw. And the common frog? Once the Bank has an amphibian on the fiver, financial crime in the British Isles is basically solved.
According to more recent BBC reports, to everyone’s surprise, there’s been a bit of a backlash to the Bank’s sudden pivot to biology. Leader of the Opposition Kemi Badenoch said it was “a silly thing to do,” while Reform’s Nigel Farage called it “absolutely crackers.” And again, the Bank reiterates that this was primarily an anti-counterfeiting move, claiming Churchill and other historical characters “would eventually have to be replaced” anyway.
The anti-counterfeiting properties of the Eurasian beaver cannot be understated. Even the RSPCA has stepped into the debate, making the case for “pigeons, rats and gulls” to be represented on the currency. Oh yes, I can’t wait for the tenner to have a rat on it. Nothing says ‘Global Britain’ quite like a plague-carrying rodent.
For those lovers of the royal family, never fear; the BBC notes that “the monarch has appeared on Bank of England notes since 1960, and will continue to do so in the future.” So, King Charles will still be there, personally overseeing every overpriced pint and electricity bill.
Chief Cashier at the Bank of England, Victoria Cleland, loves her new idea. She said: “Nature is a great choice from a banknote authentication perspective and means we can showcase the UK’s rich and varied wildlife on the next series of banknotes.” See? It’s purely technical! Apparently, a badger has better “authentication perspective” than the man who won the Second World War.
I guess now it’s just a matter of time until Australia copies the UK—as we love to do—and starts erasing the likes of one of Australia’s greatest military commanders, John Monash, and replacing him with a bin chicken. ‘Waltzing Matilda’-creator Banjo Paterson will become a grumpy wombat, while Queen Elizabeth will be appropriately superseded by a screeching cockatoo.
I just can’t wait till they replace our heritage with a zoo, because as we’ve learnt today: they’re not erasing history, they’re just updating it—by deleting the very people who made it.
MUSIC
Allégro by Emmit Fenn
