Uploaded July 2026 | Updated September 2026, 2 weeks ago
Modern Australia: launch an unprovoked attack on a senator, beat up her friends, assault a pub bouncer while on bail, and get a $300 fine. No prison time. The ridiculous reality of our justice system, hidden from the public for 2 years. Full breakdown:
Lidia Thorpe—the once-Greens, now-independent, King Charles-heckling firebrand senator—is in the news again. This time, it’s for threatening to burn down Parliament House. Well, metaphorically burning it down, it was “clearly a figure of speech” she later clarified; she wasn’t actually reaching for the matches.
Except, wait… that was actually last year’s news.
But it didn’t completely disappear. Earlier this year, the Australian Federal Police formally wrapped up their investigation and officially cleared her of the whole thing.
But no, just last week, she actually was back in the headlines for something completely different. This time, she’s an actual, literal victim of a callous assault by a fellow Aboriginal woman. Thank you to the viewers who sent this in.
The ABC reported the story with the headline: “Woman who attacked Senator Lidia Thorpe outside the MCG avoids jail.” Because yes, apparently in this country, you can go around physically beating up federal senators and their associates outside football stadiums and entirely get away with it. Well, at least, avoid a prison cell.
According to the article, this is the offender—one Ebony Bell—who perpetrated the 2024 attack and has since been sentenced to a 12-month community corrections order. But as it turns out, this wasn’t her only rodeo. According to the article: “Bell was also sentenced for attacking a pub security guard in an unrelated incident in 2025 while she was on bail. In that case, the victim was knocked to the ground, punched and kicked in the head.”
The National Indigenous Times noted that “the bouncer attack was a reaction to her refusal to enter the pub, which she believed was motivated by racism.”
Ah, of course. So don’t worry, Ms Bell is safely back out in the community because expecting an Aboriginal woman to face actual jail time for a second brutal assault would just be deeply unprogressive. We wouldn’t want minor details like public safety or criminal accountability getting in the way of a good intergenerational trauma narrative.
This is the CCTV image of Ms Bell throwing a punch at the good senator. It was alleged in court that “Senator Thorpe made derogatory comments about the accused’s mother, a claim Senator Thorpe flatly denied.” And this image I showed you earlier is of Ms Bell pulling the hair of Lidia Thorpe’s friend. Because you know, when someone allegedly disrespects your mother, it is only logical and mature to square up to them, punch a federal senator twice in the face, whack her mate, and drag a bystander to the ground by her hair. It’s textbook self-defence.
Reports note that Senator Thorpe suffered multiple injuries during the attack, resulting in a prolonged absence from the Senate. Explaining her time away, she stated: “I sustained serious nerve and spinal injuries in my neck, which required spinal surgery and a plate to be inserted. There’s a scar on the front of my neck from this.”
Yet, despite being hospitalised and requiring spinal surgery over the assault, the good senator actively fought to keep her attacker out of a jail cell. She was quoted by the National Indigenous Times as saying: “I want to put on record that throughout this process, I have consistently advocated against a prison sentence for the person involved. I also want to reiterate that I had never met this person before the incident. I had no idea who they were.”
And how was that progressive grace and restorative justice received by the perpetrator? When asked by reporters outside the Melbourne Magistrates Court if she would apologise to Senator Thorpe, Ms Bell simply replied, “no,” adding, “it is what it is.”
The reason we’re only finding out about all of this two years after the fact is because of a sweeping suppression order. Senator Thorpe herself applied for the legal gag order, keeping the entire violent incident under a tight shroud of secrecy. And the secrecy goes deep—the ABC noted in their report that they are legally barred from even reporting on the actual reasons why the suppression order was granted in the first place.
But my favourite irony highlighted in the article is that the attack occurred on a day when Indigenous culture was being celebrated at the marquee AFL game.
Anyway, as it turns out, launching an unprovoked attack on a federal senator, punching her in the face, sending her to the hospital for spinal surgery, attacking her friends, beating up random bouncers on bail, and kicking people in the head is just not worthy of jail in modern progressive Australia. Actually, it’s almost a beautiful expression of cultural celebration.
Move over, Welcome to Country—there’s a new tradition in town.
MUSIC
Allégro by Emmit Fenn
Modern Australia: launch an unprovoked attack on a senator, beat up her friends, assault a pub bouncer while on bail, and get a $300 fine. No prison time. The ridiculous reality of our justice system, hidden from the public for 2 years. Full breakdown:
Lidia Thorpe—the once-Greens, now-independent, King Charles-heckling firebrand senator—is in the news again. This time, it’s for threatening to burn down Parliament House. Well, metaphorically burning it down, it was “clearly a figure of speech” she later clarified; she wasn’t actually reaching for the matches.
Except, wait… that was actually last year’s news.
But it didn’t completely disappear. Earlier this year, the Australian Federal Police formally wrapped up their investigation and officially cleared her of the whole thing.
But no, just last week, she actually was back in the headlines for something completely different. This time, she’s an actual, literal victim of a callous assault by a fellow Aboriginal woman. Thank you to the viewers who sent this in.
The ABC reported the story with the headline: “Woman who attacked Senator Lidia Thorpe outside the MCG avoids jail.” Because yes, apparently in this country, you can go around physically beating up federal senators and their associates outside football stadiums and entirely get away with it. Well, at least, avoid a prison cell.
According to the article, this is the offender—one Ebony Bell—who perpetrated the 2024 attack and has since been sentenced to a 12-month community corrections order. But as it turns out, this wasn’t her only rodeo. According to the article: “Bell was also sentenced for attacking a pub security guard in an unrelated incident in 2025 while she was on bail. In that case, the victim was knocked to the ground, punched and kicked in the head.”
The National Indigenous Times noted that “the bouncer attack was a reaction to her refusal to enter the pub, which she believed was motivated by racism.”
Ah, of course. So don’t worry, Ms Bell is safely back out in the community because expecting an Aboriginal woman to face actual jail time for a second brutal assault would just be deeply unprogressive. We wouldn’t want minor details like public safety or criminal accountability getting in the way of a good intergenerational trauma narrative.
This is the CCTV image of Ms Bell throwing a punch at the good senator. It was alleged in court that “Senator Thorpe made derogatory comments about the accused’s mother, a claim Senator Thorpe flatly denied.” And this image I showed you earlier is of Ms Bell pulling the hair of Lidia Thorpe’s friend. Because you know, when someone allegedly disrespects your mother, it is only logical and mature to square up to them, punch a federal senator twice in the face, whack her mate, and drag a bystander to the ground by her hair. It’s textbook self-defence.
Reports note that Senator Thorpe suffered multiple injuries during the attack, resulting in a prolonged absence from the Senate. Explaining her time away, she stated: “I sustained serious nerve and spinal injuries in my neck, which required spinal surgery and a plate to be inserted. There’s a scar on the front of my neck from this.”
Yet, despite being hospitalised and requiring spinal surgery over the assault, the good senator actively fought to keep her attacker out of a jail cell. She was quoted by the National Indigenous Times as saying: “I want to put on record that throughout this process, I have consistently advocated against a prison sentence for the person involved. I also want to reiterate that I had never met this person before the incident. I had no idea who they were.”
And how was that progressive grace and restorative justice received by the perpetrator? When asked by reporters outside the Melbourne Magistrates Court if she would apologise to Senator Thorpe, Ms Bell simply replied, “no,” adding, “it is what it is.”
The reason we’re only finding out about all of this two years after the fact is because of a sweeping suppression order. Senator Thorpe herself applied for the legal gag order, keeping the entire violent incident under a tight shroud of secrecy. And the secrecy goes deep—the ABC noted in their report that they are legally barred from even reporting on the actual reasons why the suppression order was granted in the first place.
But my favourite irony highlighted in the article is that the attack occurred on a day when Indigenous culture was being celebrated at the marquee AFL game.
Anyway, as it turns out, launching an unprovoked attack on a federal senator, punching her in the face, sending her to the hospital for spinal surgery, attacking her friends, beating up random bouncers on bail, and kicking people in the head is just not worthy of jail in modern progressive Australia. Actually, it’s almost a beautiful expression of cultural celebration.
Move over, Welcome to Country—there’s a new tradition in town.
MUSIC
Allégro by Emmit Fenn
