Uploaded December 2025 | Updated September 2026, 17 hours ago

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I share ideas, tools and things I’m building to help you act with more confidence, clarity and self-trust for free here:
newelofknowledge.com

your support (a coffee a month) helps keep what I do alive 🥹, ily either way:
youtube.com/channel/UC5fy9izAhlANCISUdU8quDg/join

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Spotify: open.spotify.com/show/1FRO4KMCcP09uojMjo4Xi2?si=e1d9ac403b214520

Articles & papers mentioned:
Lapka & Kung's work:
- psyche.co/ideas/wish-you-had-more-self-control-you-should-hear-the-downsides

Expressive suppression paper:
pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/12899316

0:00 A ticket to friendship (story)…
6:01 Distillation
7:18 The key takeaway from this whole video
11:14 What we’ll cover (go deeper)
12:27 (1) The research that backs up these claims
14:17 (2) The psychology (why people see the self-controlled as low warmth)
22:18 The summary so far
23:42 (3) The real social costs of high competence, low warmth
30:54 (4) The root cause (why “cold” people are really just armoured)
36:10 (5) What to do next (if it’s you)
45:35 (6) What to do next (if it’s them)
53:55 Summary & outro rizz