Uploaded January 2025 | Updated September 2026, 2 weeks ago
Situationships often persist because we avoid asking the tough questions that would bring clarity. Is it fear of rejection? Protecting ourselves from pain? Or something else entirely?
Watch the full episode, "Navigating Situationships:" How to Get What You Really Want, and you can watch it here: youtube.com/watch?v=jp1vHQFQI_g
Situationships often persist because we avoid asking the tough questions that would bring clarity. Is it fear of rejection? Protecting ourselves from pain? Or something else entirely?
Watch the full episode, "Navigating Situationships:" How to Get What You Really Want, and you can watch it here: youtube.com/watch?v=jp1vHQFQI_g

![The Self-Abandonment Loop: Shame, Self-Criticism, and How to Break Free
Why is it so hard for us to do what we actually want to do? In this episode, I explain the hidden structure of self-abandonment: how shame drives the loop, how the loop produces more shame, and how the inner critic uses a “can’t win” situation to keep us stuck. Then Dr. Rick and I explore what actually breaks the cycle, including the role of anger, the difference between shame and grief, self-compassion, and what it really means to get on your own side.
Key Topics:
0:00 Intro and overview of self-abandonment
4:38 What are we abandoning?
8:30 The self-abandonment loop
21:55 How a parts model can help us understand shame
26:20 The double-bind of self-criticism
32:56 How to get out of the double-bind
33:00 [Sponsor] ZocDoc
41:34 Anger and resentment
49:47 Moving from shame to grief
56:15 Breaking out of the self-abandonment loop
1:10:22 Recap
Im not a clinician, and what I say on this channel should not be taken as medical advice.
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Who Am I: Im Forrest, the co-author of Resilient (https://amzn.to/3iXLerD) and host of the Being Well Podcast (https://apple.co/38ufGG0). Im making videos focused on simplifying psychology, mental health, and personal growth.
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📸 https://www.instagram.com/f.hanson The Self-Abandonment Loop: Shame, Self-Criticism, and How to Break Free](https://i.ytimg.com/vi/DSpovruE-Es/mqdefault.jpg)








