Uploaded February 2026 | Updated September 2026, 2 weeks ago
Somatic therapist @elizabeth.ferreira joins me to explore a common source of relationship conflict: the mismatch between “fixing” (moving quickly into problem-solving) and “feeling” (wanting attunement and empathy before solutions). We talk about where these patterns come from, how each functions as a psychological defense, and the role of gender socialization, identity, and adaptation. The conversation also touches on trauma, nervous-system activation, and why building safety usually comes before change.
Key Topics:
0:00 Intro
3:40 “Fixing” vs. “feeling,” and why both can be protective strategies.
6:03 Socialization and learned coping styles.
9:12 Why conflict happens
14:28 Attunement, then problem-solving.
18:35 How discomfort with emotion shapes communication
30:48 What change looks like in practice.
33:49 Trauma and nervous-system activation
42:32 Helping logical-first people open up emotionally.
46:49 “Do you want empathy or solutions?”
49:03 Teaser about Complex PTSD in relationships.
52:30 Recap
I'm not a clinician, and what I say on this channel should not be taken as medical advice.
Subscribe to Being Well on:
Apple Podcasts: podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/being-well-with-dr-rick-hanson/id1120885936
Spotify: open.spotify.com/show/5d87ZU1XY0fpdYNSEwXLVQ
Who Am I: I'm Forrest, the co-author of Resilient (amzn.to/3iXLerD) and host of the Being Well Podcast (apple.co/38ufGG0). I'm making videos focused on simplifying psychology, mental health, and personal growth.
Subscribe to Rick on YouTube: youtube.com/@RickHanson?sub_confirmation=1
Get Rick's Free Newsletters: rickhanson.com/writings/newsletters-from-dr-rick-hanson
Follow Rick Here:
🌍 rickhanson.com
📸 instagram.com/rickhansonphd
You can follow me here:
🎤 apple.co/38ufGG0
🌍 forresthanson.com
📸 instagram.com/f.hanson
Somatic therapist @elizabeth.ferreira joins me to explore a common source of relationship conflict: the mismatch between “fixing” (moving quickly into problem-solving) and “feeling” (wanting attunement and empathy before solutions). We talk about where these patterns come from, how each functions as a psychological defense, and the role of gender socialization, identity, and adaptation. The conversation also touches on trauma, nervous-system activation, and why building safety usually comes before change.
Key Topics:
0:00 Intro
3:40 “Fixing” vs. “feeling,” and why both can be protective strategies.
6:03 Socialization and learned coping styles.
9:12 Why conflict happens
14:28 Attunement, then problem-solving.
18:35 How discomfort with emotion shapes communication
30:48 What change looks like in practice.
33:49 Trauma and nervous-system activation
42:32 Helping logical-first people open up emotionally.
46:49 “Do you want empathy or solutions?”
49:03 Teaser about Complex PTSD in relationships.
52:30 Recap
I'm not a clinician, and what I say on this channel should not be taken as medical advice.
Subscribe to Being Well on:
Apple Podcasts: podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/being-well-with-dr-rick-hanson/id1120885936
Spotify: open.spotify.com/show/5d87ZU1XY0fpdYNSEwXLVQ
Who Am I: I'm Forrest, the co-author of Resilient (amzn.to/3iXLerD) and host of the Being Well Podcast (apple.co/38ufGG0). I'm making videos focused on simplifying psychology, mental health, and personal growth.
Subscribe to Rick on YouTube: youtube.com/@RickHanson?sub_confirmation=1
Get Rick's Free Newsletters: rickhanson.com/writings/newsletters-from-dr-rick-hanson
Follow Rick Here:
🌍 rickhanson.com
📸 instagram.com/rickhansonphd
You can follow me here:
🎤 apple.co/38ufGG0
🌍 forresthanson.com
📸 instagram.com/f.hanson
