Uploaded January 2025 | Updated September 2026, 2 weeks ago
Everyone deserves to feel like they matter. Dr. Rick Hanson reminds us that, too often, people settle for relationships that are shallow or one-sided, leaving them feeling unseen and unfulfilled.
The truth is, you deserve a relationship where you are valued deeply and genuinely, with people who are ready to show up and give their hearts.
Listen to this week's episode on Situationships to learn more: youtube.com/watch?v=jp1vHQFQI_g&t=2s
Everyone deserves to feel like they matter. Dr. Rick Hanson reminds us that, too often, people settle for relationships that are shallow or one-sided, leaving them feeling unseen and unfulfilled.
The truth is, you deserve a relationship where you are valued deeply and genuinely, with people who are ready to show up and give their hearts.
Listen to this week's episode on Situationships to learn more: youtube.com/watch?v=jp1vHQFQI_g&t=2s
![The Self-Abandonment Loop: Shame, Self-Criticism, and How to Break Free
Why is it so hard for us to do what we actually want to do? In this episode, I explain the hidden structure of self-abandonment: how shame drives the loop, how the loop produces more shame, and how the inner critic uses a “can’t win” situation to keep us stuck. Then Dr. Rick and I explore what actually breaks the cycle, including the role of anger, the difference between shame and grief, self-compassion, and what it really means to get on your own side.
Key Topics:
0:00 Intro and overview of self-abandonment
4:38 What are we abandoning?
8:30 The self-abandonment loop
21:55 How a parts model can help us understand shame
26:20 The double-bind of self-criticism
32:56 How to get out of the double-bind
33:00 [Sponsor] ZocDoc
41:34 Anger and resentment
49:47 Moving from shame to grief
56:15 Breaking out of the self-abandonment loop
1:10:22 Recap
Im not a clinician, and what I say on this channel should not be taken as medical advice.
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Who Am I: Im Forrest, the co-author of Resilient (https://amzn.to/3iXLerD) and host of the Being Well Podcast (https://apple.co/38ufGG0). Im making videos focused on simplifying psychology, mental health, and personal growth.
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📸 https://www.instagram.com/f.hanson The Self-Abandonment Loop: Shame, Self-Criticism, and How to Break Free](https://i.ytimg.com/vi/DSpovruE-Es/mqdefault.jpg)









