Uploaded March 2026 | Updated September 2026, 2 weeks ago
Why is it so hard for us to do what we actually want to do? In this episode, I explain the hidden structure of self-abandonment: how shame drives the loop, how the loop produces more shame, and how the inner critic uses a “can’t win” situation to keep us stuck. Then Dr. Rick and I explore what actually breaks the cycle, including the role of anger, the difference between shame and grief, self-compassion, and what it really means to get on your own side.
Key Topics:
0:00 Intro and overview of self-abandonment
4:38 What are we abandoning?
8:30 The self-abandonment loop
21:55 How a parts model can help us understand shame
26:20 The double-bind of self-criticism
32:56 How to get out of the double-bind
33:00 [Sponsor] ZocDoc
41:34 Anger and resentment
49:47 Moving from shame to grief
56:15 Breaking out of the self-abandonment loop
1:10:22 Recap
I'm not a clinician, and what I say on this channel should not be taken as medical advice.
Sponsors:
Go to Zocdoc.com/BEINGWELL to find and instantly book a top-rated doctor today.
Level up your bedding with Quince.
Go to Quince.com/BEINGWELL for free shipping on your order and three hundred and sixty-five -day returns.
Subscribe to Being Well on:
Apple Podcasts: podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/being-well-with-dr-rick-hanson/id1120885936
Spotify: open.spotify.com/show/5d87ZU1XY0fpdYNSEwXLVQ
Who Am I: I'm Forrest, the co-author of Resilient (amzn.to/3iXLerD) and host of the Being Well Podcast (apple.co/38ufGG0). I'm making videos focused on simplifying psychology, mental health, and personal growth.
Subscribe to Rick on YouTube: youtube.com/@RickHanson?sub_confirmation=1
Get Rick's Free Newsletters: rickhanson.com/writings/newsletters-from-dr-rick-hanson
Follow Rick Here:
🌍 rickhanson.com
📸 instagram.com/rickhansonphd
You can follow me here:
🎤 apple.co/38ufGG0
🌍 forresthanson.com
📸 instagram.com/f.hanson
Why is it so hard for us to do what we actually want to do? In this episode, I explain the hidden structure of self-abandonment: how shame drives the loop, how the loop produces more shame, and how the inner critic uses a “can’t win” situation to keep us stuck. Then Dr. Rick and I explore what actually breaks the cycle, including the role of anger, the difference between shame and grief, self-compassion, and what it really means to get on your own side.
Key Topics:
0:00 Intro and overview of self-abandonment
4:38 What are we abandoning?
8:30 The self-abandonment loop
21:55 How a parts model can help us understand shame
26:20 The double-bind of self-criticism
32:56 How to get out of the double-bind
33:00 [Sponsor] ZocDoc
41:34 Anger and resentment
49:47 Moving from shame to grief
56:15 Breaking out of the self-abandonment loop
1:10:22 Recap
I'm not a clinician, and what I say on this channel should not be taken as medical advice.
Sponsors:
Go to Zocdoc.com/BEINGWELL to find and instantly book a top-rated doctor today.
Level up your bedding with Quince.
Go to Quince.com/BEINGWELL for free shipping on your order and three hundred and sixty-five -day returns.
Subscribe to Being Well on:
Apple Podcasts: podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/being-well-with-dr-rick-hanson/id1120885936
Spotify: open.spotify.com/show/5d87ZU1XY0fpdYNSEwXLVQ
Who Am I: I'm Forrest, the co-author of Resilient (amzn.to/3iXLerD) and host of the Being Well Podcast (apple.co/38ufGG0). I'm making videos focused on simplifying psychology, mental health, and personal growth.
Subscribe to Rick on YouTube: youtube.com/@RickHanson?sub_confirmation=1
Get Rick's Free Newsletters: rickhanson.com/writings/newsletters-from-dr-rick-hanson
Follow Rick Here:
🌍 rickhanson.com
📸 instagram.com/rickhansonphd
You can follow me here:
🎤 apple.co/38ufGG0
🌍 forresthanson.com
📸 instagram.com/f.hanson
