Uploaded December 2025 | Updated September 2026, 2 weeks ago
Santa, I Believe You Deliberately Misheard Me
Santa, I’m starting to believe
You deliberately misheard me
You gave me something for Christmas
But it all comes down to the wording
I’m not here trying to give you a hard time
But I can’t believe it’s just coincidence
Every single thing I ask you for
Turns harmless by the end
You tilt your head, you nod real slow
Like the problem’s in my tone
But you hear the floors when houses creak
You hear reindeer break a bone
I asked for cocaine, I got a train under the Christmas tree
I asked for a gun, got cinnamon buns
That I enjoyed eating
I asked for a knife, you got me a kite
That won’t fly until spring
I’m starting to think you’re trying to keep me safe
And it’s not really your hearing
Santa, you watch us when we’re sleeping
That’s not nothing, legally
If you can break a few laws like that
You can hear what’s said by me
No one drags you to the courthouse
No one checks your search history
So don’t act like you’re above reproach
When you’re judging me silently
You laugh it off with a “Ho Ho Ho”
Like that settles the debate
But I said what I said, out loud and clear
You just mistranslated it
I asked for LSD, you brought a tea set to me
I asked for razor wire
You brought logs for the fire, neatly stacked and free
I asked for psilocybin
You brought a stuffed lion plush
You keep rounding down my appetite
Till there’s nothing dangerous left to touch
Santa, you are not the police
You’re not the boss of me
You’re a freelancer in a red suit
Operating globally
If this is all a morality play
Then at least admit the bit
Stop correcting my intentions
And just deliver what I meant
Do I need to write it in uppercase?
Do I need to draw a diagram?
Do I need to spell it out in blood?
Or does it still become a jam?
I don’t want riddles wrapped in tinsel
I don’t want safety by decree
I wrote a list, I checked it twice
I know exactly what I mean
You can keep the trains and tea sets
And the kites that never rise
Just stop pretending you misheard me
Look me straight in the eyes
Santa, let’s get on with this
I’m tired, it’s Christmas Eve
You know what I asked you for
You just chose what I should need
Merry Christmas
Santa, I Believe You Deliberately Misheard Me
Santa, I’m starting to believe
You deliberately misheard me
You gave me something for Christmas
But it all comes down to the wording
I’m not here trying to give you a hard time
But I can’t believe it’s just coincidence
Every single thing I ask you for
Turns harmless by the end
You tilt your head, you nod real slow
Like the problem’s in my tone
But you hear the floors when houses creak
You hear reindeer break a bone
I asked for cocaine, I got a train under the Christmas tree
I asked for a gun, got cinnamon buns
That I enjoyed eating
I asked for a knife, you got me a kite
That won’t fly until spring
I’m starting to think you’re trying to keep me safe
And it’s not really your hearing
Santa, you watch us when we’re sleeping
That’s not nothing, legally
If you can break a few laws like that
You can hear what’s said by me
No one drags you to the courthouse
No one checks your search history
So don’t act like you’re above reproach
When you’re judging me silently
You laugh it off with a “Ho Ho Ho”
Like that settles the debate
But I said what I said, out loud and clear
You just mistranslated it
I asked for LSD, you brought a tea set to me
I asked for razor wire
You brought logs for the fire, neatly stacked and free
I asked for psilocybin
You brought a stuffed lion plush
You keep rounding down my appetite
Till there’s nothing dangerous left to touch
Santa, you are not the police
You’re not the boss of me
You’re a freelancer in a red suit
Operating globally
If this is all a morality play
Then at least admit the bit
Stop correcting my intentions
And just deliver what I meant
Do I need to write it in uppercase?
Do I need to draw a diagram?
Do I need to spell it out in blood?
Or does it still become a jam?
I don’t want riddles wrapped in tinsel
I don’t want safety by decree
I wrote a list, I checked it twice
I know exactly what I mean
You can keep the trains and tea sets
And the kites that never rise
Just stop pretending you misheard me
Look me straight in the eyes
Santa, let’s get on with this
I’m tired, it’s Christmas Eve
You know what I asked you for
You just chose what I should need
Merry Christmas
