Uploaded May 2026 | Updated September 2026, 2 weeks ago
I’ve always preferred the Ouija board
’Cause it feels like you’re sending a text
Text is my favorite way to talk in this world
It’ll be my preferred method in the next
Using a medium feels like a phone call
A phone call made by a stranger
If I’m not gonna pick up right now
What makes you think I will later
Ask me anything you want to know now
I don’t care if it’s the middle of the night
If you’re gonna interrupt me eventually
I’d rather it happen on earth than in the afterlife
I’ve got some friends who lost an uncle
They swore he was hoarding gold
He passed before he gave up the location
Sadly, he really wasn’t that old
They dialed him up through a medium
Hands held together in a parlor
The only message that came through was
“I never had any gold you seek
So please stop being a bother.”
Ask me anything you want to know now
I don’t care if it’s the middle of the night
If you’re gonna interrupt me eventually
I’d rather it happen on earth than in the afterlife
To try to discourage future conversations
I’ve written down everything about myself
In a couple spiral notebooks
To be released after my death
Anything you’d ever need to know
Is written down on those pages
Passwords, bank account numbers
Preferred funeral arrangements
I’m not a person with additional secrets
And I hope you can believe that
Ask me anything you want to know now
I don’t care if it’s the middle of the night
If you’re gonna interrupt me eventually
I’d rather it happen on earth than in the afterlife
If there’s anything I forgot to write down
Eventually you can say it right to my face
Oh, that is, of course… oh, that is, of course
If we end up in the same place
I’ve always preferred the Ouija board
’Cause it feels like you’re sending a text
Text is my favorite way to talk in this world
It’ll be my preferred method in the next
Using a medium feels like a phone call
A phone call made by a stranger
If I’m not gonna pick up right now
What makes you think I will later
Ask me anything you want to know now
I don’t care if it’s the middle of the night
If you’re gonna interrupt me eventually
I’d rather it happen on earth than in the afterlife
I’ve got some friends who lost an uncle
They swore he was hoarding gold
He passed before he gave up the location
Sadly, he really wasn’t that old
They dialed him up through a medium
Hands held together in a parlor
The only message that came through was
“I never had any gold you seek
So please stop being a bother.”
Ask me anything you want to know now
I don’t care if it’s the middle of the night
If you’re gonna interrupt me eventually
I’d rather it happen on earth than in the afterlife
To try to discourage future conversations
I’ve written down everything about myself
In a couple spiral notebooks
To be released after my death
Anything you’d ever need to know
Is written down on those pages
Passwords, bank account numbers
Preferred funeral arrangements
I’m not a person with additional secrets
And I hope you can believe that
Ask me anything you want to know now
I don’t care if it’s the middle of the night
If you’re gonna interrupt me eventually
I’d rather it happen on earth than in the afterlife
If there’s anything I forgot to write down
Eventually you can say it right to my face
Oh, that is, of course… oh, that is, of course
If we end up in the same place
