Uploaded January 2026 | Updated September 2026, 10 hours ago

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Bring your best warding potions, safety sigils, and blessings: this talk is a light dip of some cursed queries to show how to simulate Slay the Spire's encounter AI with nothing more than SQL (and a lot of free time). Along the way, we'll go over some basic data structures for simulation, declarative vs imperative programming and how (with a little probability) even simple systems can lead to memorable, complex AI.