Uploaded February 2026 | Updated September 2026, 1 week ago
📝 Learn how to communicate during conflict: terricole.com/what-to-say-when-someone-crosses-the-line-guide
✨ Ready to Stop Over-Giving: terricole.com/reset
🔑 Ready to build healthier relationships? Join: terricole.com/tcm
🌸 Up-level your impact and achieve your goals: terricole.com/flourish
📚 Boundary Boss Book: boundarybossbook.com
📚 Too Much Book: hfcbook.com
Struggling to stay calm when things get heated? 😤 Stop the cycle of shut-downs and blow-ups with this therapist-approved guide to high-stakes communication.
In this video, psychotherapist Terry Cole breaks down why our nervous systems "hijack" our brains during conflict and provides the exact scripts you need to navigate tough conversations without ruining your relationships. Whether you tend to go into fight-or-flight mode or you’re a "high-functioning codependent" who avoids conflict altogether, these tools will help you feel understood and stay connected.
In this video, you’ll learn:
✨The "Listen to Understand" Shift: How to stop rehearsing your comeback and actually hear your partner.
✨Breaking the Silence: Why "stonewalling" happens and how to ask for space without being passive-aggressive.
✨The Power of the Script: Exact phrases to use when you’re feeling overwhelmed or defensive.
✨"Kitchen Sinking" & Blame: Why bringing up the past kills resolution (and what to do instead).
✨The Art of Repair: How to apologize and reconnect after a messy argument.
Stop choosing between being "right" and being "loving." Learn how to master the skill of conflict communication today.
📚 Get my books:
Boundary Boss Book: amzn.to/44DZID9
The Boundary Boss Workbook: amzn.to/3Ra7CRU
Too Much: A Guide to Breaking the Cycle of High-Functioning Codependency: hfcbook.com
🪔 Meditate with me:
Insight Timer: https://insig.ht/cpKnbJB4KDb (I have a bunch of free meditations on here and love this app!)
Connect With Me
📸 Instagram: terricole.com/ig
📩 Newsletter: terricole.com/newsletter
Time Stamps
0:00 - Introduction
1:42 - Understanding Conflict Communication Challenges
2:41 - Problem #1: Listening to Respond vs. Listening to Understand
5:44 - Problem #2: Silence and Stonewalling
7:53 - Problem #3: Difficulty Expressing Needs
10:17 - Problem #4: Defensiveness and Blame
12:50 - Choosing Love Over Being Right
14:20 - The Importance of Repair
15:43 - Practical Tools and Sentence Starters
16:42 - Conclusion
If You Enjoyed This, Watch These Videos
youtu.be/q4ilZ6e5Ebk?si=Xbf-jpXgSLeSlYgy - Effective Communication 101: Tips, Scripts and What To Avoid
youtu.be/xpkjFkhK6tg?si=9uu_ATlAfa0g9S3P - How to Effectively Communicate During Conflict (Without Making it Worse!)
youtu.be/6VzYVqHftew?si=lxcynmgHnxf3tByR - 7 Steps to Powerful and Effective Communication
youtu.be/Ge34zyIhBRI?si=5JbncJjz4w-wPeQE - Stop Being Defensive + Learn to Listen | Effective Communication Tips
About Terri Cole
Terri Cole is a licensed psychotherapist, global relationship and empowerment expert, and the author of Boundary Boss-The Essential Guide to Talk True, Be Seen and (Finally) Live Free, The Boundary Boss Workbook, and Too Much: A Guide to Breaking the Cycle of High-Functioning Codependency.
For over two decades, Terri has worked with a diverse group of clients that includes everyone from stay-at-home moms to celebrities and Fortune 500 CEOs.
She has a gift for making complex psychological concepts accessible and actionable so that clients and students achieve sustainable change. She inspires over a million people weekly through her blog, social media platform, signature courses, and her popular podcast, The Terri Cole Show. For more, see terricole.com
BetterHelp: betterhelp.com/terricole
I’m not currently taking any new one-on-one therapy or coaching clients, but highly recommend using BetterHelp to find a therapist that fits your needs. As a team, we have fully vetted BetterHelp's resources.
terricole.com/gethelp -- If you are in a crisis or any other person may be in danger, the resources on this page can provide you with immediate help.
Please note: If you choose to sign up for BetterHelp or Insight Timer or buy through my Amazon links, I will receive a commission. Please know that I only recommend services and products that I know & trust.
📝 Learn how to communicate during conflict: terricole.com/what-to-say-when-someone-crosses-the-line-guide
✨ Ready to Stop Over-Giving: terricole.com/reset
🔑 Ready to build healthier relationships? Join: terricole.com/tcm
🌸 Up-level your impact and achieve your goals: terricole.com/flourish
📚 Boundary Boss Book: boundarybossbook.com
📚 Too Much Book: hfcbook.com
Struggling to stay calm when things get heated? 😤 Stop the cycle of shut-downs and blow-ups with this therapist-approved guide to high-stakes communication.
In this video, psychotherapist Terry Cole breaks down why our nervous systems "hijack" our brains during conflict and provides the exact scripts you need to navigate tough conversations without ruining your relationships. Whether you tend to go into fight-or-flight mode or you’re a "high-functioning codependent" who avoids conflict altogether, these tools will help you feel understood and stay connected.
In this video, you’ll learn:
✨The "Listen to Understand" Shift: How to stop rehearsing your comeback and actually hear your partner.
✨Breaking the Silence: Why "stonewalling" happens and how to ask for space without being passive-aggressive.
✨The Power of the Script: Exact phrases to use when you’re feeling overwhelmed or defensive.
✨"Kitchen Sinking" & Blame: Why bringing up the past kills resolution (and what to do instead).
✨The Art of Repair: How to apologize and reconnect after a messy argument.
Stop choosing between being "right" and being "loving." Learn how to master the skill of conflict communication today.
📚 Get my books:
Boundary Boss Book: amzn.to/44DZID9
The Boundary Boss Workbook: amzn.to/3Ra7CRU
Too Much: A Guide to Breaking the Cycle of High-Functioning Codependency: hfcbook.com
🪔 Meditate with me:
Insight Timer: https://insig.ht/cpKnbJB4KDb (I have a bunch of free meditations on here and love this app!)
Connect With Me
📸 Instagram: terricole.com/ig
📩 Newsletter: terricole.com/newsletter
Time Stamps
0:00 - Introduction
1:42 - Understanding Conflict Communication Challenges
2:41 - Problem #1: Listening to Respond vs. Listening to Understand
5:44 - Problem #2: Silence and Stonewalling
7:53 - Problem #3: Difficulty Expressing Needs
10:17 - Problem #4: Defensiveness and Blame
12:50 - Choosing Love Over Being Right
14:20 - The Importance of Repair
15:43 - Practical Tools and Sentence Starters
16:42 - Conclusion
If You Enjoyed This, Watch These Videos
youtu.be/q4ilZ6e5Ebk?si=Xbf-jpXgSLeSlYgy - Effective Communication 101: Tips, Scripts and What To Avoid
youtu.be/xpkjFkhK6tg?si=9uu_ATlAfa0g9S3P - How to Effectively Communicate During Conflict (Without Making it Worse!)
youtu.be/6VzYVqHftew?si=lxcynmgHnxf3tByR - 7 Steps to Powerful and Effective Communication
youtu.be/Ge34zyIhBRI?si=5JbncJjz4w-wPeQE - Stop Being Defensive + Learn to Listen | Effective Communication Tips
About Terri Cole
Terri Cole is a licensed psychotherapist, global relationship and empowerment expert, and the author of Boundary Boss-The Essential Guide to Talk True, Be Seen and (Finally) Live Free, The Boundary Boss Workbook, and Too Much: A Guide to Breaking the Cycle of High-Functioning Codependency.
For over two decades, Terri has worked with a diverse group of clients that includes everyone from stay-at-home moms to celebrities and Fortune 500 CEOs.
She has a gift for making complex psychological concepts accessible and actionable so that clients and students achieve sustainable change. She inspires over a million people weekly through her blog, social media platform, signature courses, and her popular podcast, The Terri Cole Show. For more, see terricole.com
BetterHelp: betterhelp.com/terricole
I’m not currently taking any new one-on-one therapy or coaching clients, but highly recommend using BetterHelp to find a therapist that fits your needs. As a team, we have fully vetted BetterHelp's resources.
terricole.com/gethelp -- If you are in a crisis or any other person may be in danger, the resources on this page can provide you with immediate help.
Please note: If you choose to sign up for BetterHelp or Insight Timer or buy through my Amazon links, I will receive a commission. Please know that I only recommend services and products that I know & trust.
