Uploaded April 2021 | Updated September 2026, 48 minutes ago
HOW DO YOU KNOW YOUR ABUSIVE OR ADDICTED PARTNER HAS TRULY CHANGED?
They might make all kinds of claims about having changed.
—They insist they've changed.
—They may be angry that you don't see them trying.
—They may be pressuring you to move back in.
—They say they'd die for you.
—Friends/family may pressure you, "Don't you see how much he/she has changed?"
But those are all signs they have NOT changed.
Today we talk with Bob Hamp, MFT, about the
—3 steps the abuser or addict must do to restore trust, and the
—3 steps the victim must do to see if the change is real.
This is the Video 2 of 3 Videos on Martial Abuse:
Video 1: The Dynamics of Abuse youtu.be/2RFjxNzHbuE
Video 2: How Do I Know If My Spouse Has Really Changed? youtu.be/Cz085lbGi-I
Video 3: My Spouse is Attending Church Now but Have They Really Changed? - youtu.be/dEx-LRT-kYs
Bob's key principle: Abuse and codependency are all about the mis-assignment of responsibility.
Bob Hamp recommends the poorly behaving spouse must do these three things:
1. They must take responsibility for their own choices. They must go into detail to identify all aspects of their destructive choices. They need to tell you what their choices cost you (and your children, if any).
2. They must show empathy to the pain, humiliation, financial peril, or other injury their choices caused.
3. They must repeat #1 and #2 publicly over time, because it's likely they have convinced onlookers that YOU are responsible and that THEY are the victim.
FOR A DISCUSSION ON THE TOPIC OF ABUSE and the ABUSE CYCLE, read Chapter 5 in "The Life-Saving Divorce" book. Paperback or eBook: amzn.to/3CCBsnr AUDIOBOOK: amzn.to/4f52Mh4
ABOUT
Gretchen Baskerville is a Christian divorce recovery leader and researcher. Since 1998, she has worked in churches in the Los Angeles area. She helps heartbroken people find strength, courage, and healing. For more than 25 years she has worked with Christian women and men going through difficult, life-saving divorces, listening with compassion to those who have suffered from domestic violence, betrayal, infidelity, addicted partners, and emotional abuse.
Herself the survivor of a toxic marriage, she walked through her own lifesaving divorce and was a single mother for many years. Today she is happily remarried. She is a graduate of Wheaton College with a degree in Bible and Christian Education.
For more information:
Website and Blog: LifeSavingDivorce.com
Bluesky: https://bsky.app/profile/lifesavingdivorce.bsky.social
Facebook facebook.com/lifesavingdivorce
Instagram instagram.com/gretchenbaskerville
You Tube youtube.com/@lifesavingdivorce
Twitter twitter.com/GGBaskerville
What's a Life-Saving Divorce? A Life-Saving Divorce is a divorce for serious reasons: a pattern of sexual immorality, physical abuse, chronic emotional abuse, domestic violence, felony behavior, life-destroying addictions, or abandonment/neglect.
Book, "The Life-Saving Divorce: Hope for People Leaving Destructive Relationships"
Paperback or eBook: amzn.to/3CCBsnr AUDIOBOOK: amzn.to/4f52Mh4
As an Amazon Associate I earn from qualifying purchases.
HOW DO YOU KNOW YOUR ABUSIVE OR ADDICTED PARTNER HAS TRULY CHANGED?
They might make all kinds of claims about having changed.
—They insist they've changed.
—They may be angry that you don't see them trying.
—They may be pressuring you to move back in.
—They say they'd die for you.
—Friends/family may pressure you, "Don't you see how much he/she has changed?"
But those are all signs they have NOT changed.
Today we talk with Bob Hamp, MFT, about the
—3 steps the abuser or addict must do to restore trust, and the
—3 steps the victim must do to see if the change is real.
This is the Video 2 of 3 Videos on Martial Abuse:
Video 1: The Dynamics of Abuse youtu.be/2RFjxNzHbuE
Video 2: How Do I Know If My Spouse Has Really Changed? youtu.be/Cz085lbGi-I
Video 3: My Spouse is Attending Church Now but Have They Really Changed? - youtu.be/dEx-LRT-kYs
Bob's key principle: Abuse and codependency are all about the mis-assignment of responsibility.
Bob Hamp recommends the poorly behaving spouse must do these three things:
1. They must take responsibility for their own choices. They must go into detail to identify all aspects of their destructive choices. They need to tell you what their choices cost you (and your children, if any).
2. They must show empathy to the pain, humiliation, financial peril, or other injury their choices caused.
3. They must repeat #1 and #2 publicly over time, because it's likely they have convinced onlookers that YOU are responsible and that THEY are the victim.
FOR A DISCUSSION ON THE TOPIC OF ABUSE and the ABUSE CYCLE, read Chapter 5 in "The Life-Saving Divorce" book. Paperback or eBook: amzn.to/3CCBsnr AUDIOBOOK: amzn.to/4f52Mh4
ABOUT
Gretchen Baskerville is a Christian divorce recovery leader and researcher. Since 1998, she has worked in churches in the Los Angeles area. She helps heartbroken people find strength, courage, and healing. For more than 25 years she has worked with Christian women and men going through difficult, life-saving divorces, listening with compassion to those who have suffered from domestic violence, betrayal, infidelity, addicted partners, and emotional abuse.
Herself the survivor of a toxic marriage, she walked through her own lifesaving divorce and was a single mother for many years. Today she is happily remarried. She is a graduate of Wheaton College with a degree in Bible and Christian Education.
For more information:
Website and Blog: LifeSavingDivorce.com
Bluesky: https://bsky.app/profile/lifesavingdivorce.bsky.social
Facebook facebook.com/lifesavingdivorce
Instagram instagram.com/gretchenbaskerville
You Tube youtube.com/@lifesavingdivorce
Twitter twitter.com/GGBaskerville
What's a Life-Saving Divorce? A Life-Saving Divorce is a divorce for serious reasons: a pattern of sexual immorality, physical abuse, chronic emotional abuse, domestic violence, felony behavior, life-destroying addictions, or abandonment/neglect.
Book, "The Life-Saving Divorce: Hope for People Leaving Destructive Relationships"
Paperback or eBook: amzn.to/3CCBsnr AUDIOBOOK: amzn.to/4f52Mh4
As an Amazon Associate I earn from qualifying purchases.
