Uploaded August 2026 | Updated September 2026, 1 hour ago
On this week's episode of Where Should We Begin? with Esther Perel: A young woman writes to Esther asking why she is interested in someone emotionally unavailable. Despite efforts to break this pattern, she realizes that some of her behaviors are rooted in a deep sense of control and the need to feel worthy of her parents' sacrifices. Esther walks her through this need for control and how to reclaim a sense of independence.
Chapters
00:00 Can You Change Who You're Attracted To?
02:12 Why Is Vulnerability So Scary?
03:07 What Did Your Parents Teach You About Love?
04:59 What Happens When You Freeze?
07:12 What Is Your Body Trying to Tell You?
08:23 Why Does Your Childhood Feel Like a Blank?
10:43 Why Does Music Remember What You Can't?
13:58 Are You Carrying Your Parents' Relationship?
19:37 What Does Independence Really Mean?
23:37 Could You Be Loved?
24:59 Why Do You Feel You Have to Earn Love?
26:52 Who Are You Trying to Be Perfect For?
30:06 How Do You Make Your Life Your Own?
About Where Should We Begin?:
Every Monday morning, step into the office of iconic psychotherapist Esther Perel and listen in as real people in search of insight bare the raw, intimate, and profound details of their stories. From breakups and open relationships to workplace conflicts and fractures in the family, it’s a place to hear our own stories reflected in the lives of others.
About Esther Perel:
Psychotherapist, relationship expert, and New York Times bestselling author Esther Perel is recognized as one of today’s most insightful and original voices on modern relationships. Fluent in nine languages, she helms a therapy practice in New York City and serves as an organizational consultant for Fortune 500 companies around the world. Her celebrated TED Talks have garnered more than 40 million views and her bestselling books, Mating in Captivity and The State of Affairs, are global phenomena translated into more than 30 languages. Esther is also the host of the hit podcast Where Should We Begin? which is available on Apple Podcasts. Learn more at EstherPerel.com or subscribe to her Substack Entre Nous for bonus content.
On this week's episode of Where Should We Begin? with Esther Perel: A young woman writes to Esther asking why she is interested in someone emotionally unavailable. Despite efforts to break this pattern, she realizes that some of her behaviors are rooted in a deep sense of control and the need to feel worthy of her parents' sacrifices. Esther walks her through this need for control and how to reclaim a sense of independence.
Chapters
00:00 Can You Change Who You're Attracted To?
02:12 Why Is Vulnerability So Scary?
03:07 What Did Your Parents Teach You About Love?
04:59 What Happens When You Freeze?
07:12 What Is Your Body Trying to Tell You?
08:23 Why Does Your Childhood Feel Like a Blank?
10:43 Why Does Music Remember What You Can't?
13:58 Are You Carrying Your Parents' Relationship?
19:37 What Does Independence Really Mean?
23:37 Could You Be Loved?
24:59 Why Do You Feel You Have to Earn Love?
26:52 Who Are You Trying to Be Perfect For?
30:06 How Do You Make Your Life Your Own?
About Where Should We Begin?:
Every Monday morning, step into the office of iconic psychotherapist Esther Perel and listen in as real people in search of insight bare the raw, intimate, and profound details of their stories. From breakups and open relationships to workplace conflicts and fractures in the family, it’s a place to hear our own stories reflected in the lives of others.
About Esther Perel:
Psychotherapist, relationship expert, and New York Times bestselling author Esther Perel is recognized as one of today’s most insightful and original voices on modern relationships. Fluent in nine languages, she helms a therapy practice in New York City and serves as an organizational consultant for Fortune 500 companies around the world. Her celebrated TED Talks have garnered more than 40 million views and her bestselling books, Mating in Captivity and The State of Affairs, are global phenomena translated into more than 30 languages. Esther is also the host of the hit podcast Where Should We Begin? which is available on Apple Podcasts. Learn more at EstherPerel.com or subscribe to her Substack Entre Nous for bonus content.
