My Faith Deconstruction | Why Im No Longer a Christian Ex-Fundie Diaries 2020-10-01 | This video is about why I'm no longer a Christian. I share some experiences growing up in an evangelical fundamentalist homeschool family, my faith deconstruction, and the religious trauma that I am still processing. Thanks so much for watching, and please subscribe for more![Terms Mentioned]Evangelicalism: en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/EvangelicalismChristian Fundamentalism: en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Christian_fundamentalismFaith Deconstruction: thegravityofguilt.com/christianity/what-do-the-terms-deconstruction-and-reconstruction-meanThe Sinner’s Prayer: en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sinner%27s_prayerReligious Trauma: google.com/amp/s/www.nytimes.com/2019/02/05/well/mind/religion-trauma-lgbt-gay-depression-anxiety.amp.htmlProgressive Christianity: progressivechristianity.org/the-8-pointsChristian Universalism: en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Christian_universalismFaith Crisis: theartofsimple.net/faithcrisis[Resources Mentioned]"Exvangelical" by Blake Chastain: exvangelicalpodcast.com"White Homework" by Tori Williams Douglass: toriglass.com/white-homework"You are Your Own" by Jamie Lee Finch: jamieleefinch.com/you-are-your-own[Timestamps]00:00 - Being born into christian fundamentalism01:40 - Growing up homeschooled and isolated03:07 - My cultish family and my abusive "prophet" dad04:10 - Religious trauma, therapy, and PTSD04:40 - How my faith deconstruction started05:03 - Progressive christian blogs and new values07:40 - My first faith crisis: is god even real?09:57 - Rejecting the doctrine of hell10:56 - Trying (and failing) to hold onto my faith12:47 - The pain of losing my belief in Jesus14:45 - Refusing to believe out of fear16:21 - Listening to stories and joining the conversation[Background Music]Title: By the Riversidehooksounds.com Image description: Elly is white with brown eyes and straight, shoulder-length brown hair. She is wearing a gray shirt with little white hearts on it. Sitting on the floor in a bedroom, she looks into the camera as she talks.#Exvangelical #FaithDeconstruction #ReligiousTrauma
This is the end. Ex-Fundie Diaries 2024-10-01 | Four years ago today, I started the Ex-Fundie Diaries channel. I am so grateful for this wild and wonderful journey. To my longtime subscribers, thank you so much for all of your support! ❤️To anyone new to my channel, please enjoy this archive of videos and my favorite faith deconstruction resources below.[Faith Deconstruction Starter Pack]"Faith Unraveled" by Rachel Held Evans: rachelheldevans.com/faith-unraveled"Give Me Sex Jesus" by Matthew Barber: vimeo.com/groups/832851/videos/137784146"Straight White American Jesus" by Bradley Onishi: straightwhiteamericanjesus.com"White Evangelical Racism" by Dr. Anthea Butler: uncpress.org/book/9781469661179/white-evangelical-racism"Jesus From Texas" by Semler: youtube.com/watch?v=aK22n2Vr7JoFundie Fridays: youtube.com/c/fundiefridaysGabs with Abigail: youtube.com/@UC2bHBm1vlLGdDZdNZxobyHg [Timestamps]00:00 - My story04:30 - Faith deconstruction resources 07:15 - The next chapterMy current channel: https://m.youtube.com/@Elly.TrevisanImage description: Elly, who is white with brown eyes, brown hair, and wearing green glasses, talks to the camera in front of a desk with twinkle lights and pictures on the wall.#LastVideo
Hot, bi, and on antidepressants ✨ Ex-Fundie Diaries 2024-06-01 | Original sound by @itsqueerchameleon on TikTok!
Christian Summer Camp | Vacation Bible School (V.B.S.) Ex-Fundie Diaries 2024-05-26 | Vacation Bible School (VBS) is a christian summer camp that many evangelical kids attend. In this video, I share a home movie of a VBS performance I was in in July of 1994.CW: religious trauma[Timestamps]00:00 - Introduction 04:32 - VBS performanceImage description: In the intro, Elly talks to the camera in front of a desk with flowers, candles, and pictures on the wall. Elly is white with brown eyes and brown hair and is wearing green glasses and a teal tank top. The rest of the video is a home movie of a group of kids dressed in different shades of purple performing on a church stage.#Exvangelical #ReligiousTrauma #ChildIndoctrination #HomeMovie
Worship Dance: Fundies Dancing for the Lord Ex-Fundie Diaries 2024-05-13 | This video is about my experience doing worship dance as a homeschooled fundamentalist christian teenager.CW: religious traumaMy new channel: youtube.com/@Elly.TrevisanOperation Olive Branch: gofund.me/baf2de02[Timestamps]00:00 - A worship dance I remember 01:02 - Modest culty tunics03:28 - Christian dance studio 05:25 - Veggie tales dance07:22 - Pro-dance for the Lord12:50 - My love of dance continuesImage description: Elly, who is white with brown eyes and brown hair in a ponytail, is wearing a black cropped tank top and green shorts and talking to the camera while standing in a bedroom with twinkle lights, a bookshelf, and a black dog on a bed.#Exvangelical #PurityCulture #ReligiousTrauma #FundieSnark
Reconnecting with my Mom Ex-Fundie Diaries 2024-05-07 | This video is about reconnecting with my mom. I have turned the comments off because it is a deeply personal and sensitive topic for me. I do want to share my experience, but respectfully- I am not open to negative feedback on this particular video. Thank you for understanding ❤️Content warning: brief mentions of religious trauma, child ab*se, and DVCheck out my new channel: youtube.com/@Elly.TrevisanImage description: Elly, who is white with brown eyes and brown hair, is wearing blue scrubs and green glasses and talking to the camera on a sunny neighborhood walk.
More Thoughts on Dav’s Deconstruction Ex-Fundie Diaries 2024-03-14 | Take a walk with me as I share more thoughts about Dav's faith deconstruction and his mixed-faith marriage with Bethany from Girl Defined.Content warning: religious trauma, including discussions of hellThe original video: youtube.com/watch?v=VSVyVKn2cTk[Timestamps]00:00 - Dav's deconstruction cinematic universe03:11 - The doctrine of hell & losing my best friend 11:33 - Bethy and Dav's mixed-faith marriageImage description: Elly, who is white with brown eyes and brown hair, is taking a walk on a sunny evening while wearing green glasses and maroon scrubs.#GirlDefined #Exvangelical #ReligiousTrauma #FaithDeconstruction
Reacting to Fundie Fridays Reacting to Davs Deconstruction Ex-Fundie Diaries 2024-03-10 | This is a reaction video to a reaction video! Dav, the husband of Bethany from Girl Defined, is deconstructing his faith. Fundie Fridays shares their thoughts about it, and I share mine![Timestamps]00:00 - Intro02:37 - ReactionImage description: Jen and James from Fundie Fridays are on the upper left side of the screen, Bethany and Dav from Girl Defined are on the upper right, and Elly from Ex-Fundie Diaries is in the bottom middle.#GirlDefined #Exvangelical #ReligiousTrauma #PurityCulture #Modesty #FaithDeconstruction #ReactionVideo
Modest is Hottest Ex-Fundie Diaries 2024-01-29 | This is a clip from my first patreon video about the evangelical christian phrase from the early 2000's- "Modest is Hottest."Image description: A christian music video called "Modesty is Hottesty" is playing. Elly, who is white with brown eyes and brown hair, wears an orange sweater and green glasses while lip syncing and doing silly dance moves to the song.#PurityCulture #ReligiousTrauma #Exvangelical #Modesty
Christian Erotica for Holy Masturbation: Marriage Heat Ex-Fundie Diaries 2024-01-01 | This video is about Marriage Heat, a christian erotica website that encourages "biblical hot monogamy." I share my thoughts on the website as well as my experiences with masturbation after growing up in purity culture.My new YouTube channel: youtube.com/@Elly.Trevisan[Timestamps]00:00 - Christian erotica excerpt01:48 - Purity culture and masturbation04:43 - Marriage Heat website11:28 - Loopholes: porn and technical virginity14:36 - "A culture of biblical hot monogamy" 16:53 - Announcement: Patreon and new channel[Background Music]Title: Smooth Sailinghttps://www.hooksounds.comImage description: Elly, who is white with brown eyes and brown hair, is wearing green glasses and a teal long-sleeve shirt. Behind Elly is a desk with a small plant and pictures and twinkle lights on the wall.#PurityCulture #Exvangelical #ReligiousTrauma
Sharing a message from Bisan Owda ❤️ Ex-Fundie Diaries 2023-12-10 | I’ve shared support for Palestine on TikTok and Instagram but have struggled to know what to share on my YouTube account. I’ve decided I just want to amplify Bisan Owda’s voice. She is a very brave Palestinian filmmaker, and I have thought often about her message in this video. It says everything I’d want to say.Also, thank you to @DamonGarcia for the reminder yesterday that “we don’t have to be educational in order to speak up.”#FreePalestine #CeaseFireNow
A Painful Breakup & Learning to Be Alone | Ex-Fundie Diaries Vlog Ex-Fundie Diaries 2023-11-20 | I’m going through a rough time right now. Here’s a little update; thanks for watching ❤️My TikTok: tiktok.com/@exfundiediaries00:00 - Stepping out of my comfort zone02:10 - Mental health meds + a new job05:21 - A painful breakup07:15 - Learning to be aloneImagine description: Elly, who is white with brown eyes and brown hair, is wearing green glasses and sitting in a car
I tried my first pole dance class | Ex-Fundie Diaries Vlog Ex-Fundie Diaries 2023-09-01 | This video is a vlog about trying my first pole dance class.[Timestamps]00:00 - Before the class06:02 - After the classImage description: Elly is white with brown eyes and brown hair. They are wearing green glasses and a pink tank top, talking to the camera in their car.#Exvangelical #ReligiousTrauma #Modesty #PurityCulture #PoleDance #Vlog
Ex-Fundie Dating | Shame, Anxious Attachment, & Self-Love Ex-Fundie Diaries 2023-08-24 | This video is about my experience with shame and anxious attachment in dating and how I'm working on self-love and self-acceptance.[Content mentioned]Attachment Styles: attachmentproject.com/blog/four-attachment-styles"Positive Affirmations for Self Love, Self Esteem, Confidence" by Lavendaire: youtube.com/watch?v=yo1pJ_D-H3M[Timestamps]00:00 - Living with my mom01:09 - Dating for the first time06:24 - Anxious attachment08:58 - Shame from childhood13:20 - Self-love and self-acceptance Image description: Elly, who is white with brown eyes and brown hair, is wearing a blue tank top and sitting in front of a desk as they talk to the camera. In the background there is a string of lights, art on the wall, and a green plant with small bisexual and genderqueer flags.#Exvangelical #ReligiousTrauma #AttachmentStyles #AnxiousAttachment #Dating #Shame #MentalHealth #Queer
Q&A | Favorite TV Shows, Job Update, Defining my Gender, and More Ex-Fundie Diaries 2023-06-15 | This video is a Q&A! I answer questions about my favorite TV shows and music, mental health, my vet receptionist job, growing up fundie, my gender exploration, and more.[Content Mentioned]"Fuck Purity Culture" playlist by Ex-Fundie Diaries: youtube.com/playlist?list=PLP6QdQRBTLO6D5EqycNPytzXkHi_4QHBr"Older Than I Am" by Lennon Stella: youtube.com/watch?v=-KBh3fm6gFo@Soladarling_ tiktok video: tiktok.com/@soladarling_/video/7216731160561454378[Timestamps]00:00 - Favorite movies & TV shows04:37 - Favorite songs & music artists06:14 - What brings me joy07:00 - How I'm doing mentally, emotionally & spiritually11:04 - Would I ever collaborate with Fundie Fridays12:18 - My vet receptionist job17:02 - Do I still journal18:35 - Would I ever write a book21:15 - Childhood chaos: fundie upbringing vs. parents' problems27:26 - Defining my genderImage description: Elly, who is white with brown eyes and brown hair, is wearing a blue t-shirt and sitting in front of a desk as they talk to the camera. In the background there is a string of lights, art on the wall, and a green plant with small bisexual and genderqueer flags.#Exvangelical #ReligiousTrauma #MentalHealth #Queer #NonBinary
Shiny Happy People: Duggar Documentary | Ex-Fundie Diaries Reaction Ex-Fundie Diaries 2023-06-05 | This video is a reaction to episode 1 of the documentary Shiny Happy People: Duggar Family Secrets. CW: child abuse, SA, christian patriarchy, religious trauma[People Mentioned]Heather Heath: heathergraceheath.comEve Ettinger: eveettinger.comKristin Kobes Du Mez: kristindumez.comJen from Fundie Fridays: youtube.com/c/fundiefridays[Timestamps]Introduction: 00:00 Doc Reaction: 01:04Final thoughts: 30:13Image description: Elly, who is white with brown eyes and brown hair, is wearing a brownish green tank top sitting on a couch as they talk to the camera. Behind them to the right are twinkle lights draped against the wall and a desk. On the desk is a green potted plant with two small pride flags sticking out of the pot: bisexual and genderqueer. There is also a small video of a tv playing the documentary in the upper right hand corner.#Exvangelical #ReligiousTrauma #DuggarFamily #ShinyHappyPeople #Documentary #ReactionVideo #IBLP #BillGothard #ChristianPatriarchy #GenderRoles #Homeschool #ExFundie #ExChristian #FundieSnark
I Was Groomed as a Teen by a Christian Man Ex-Fundie Diaries 2023-04-06 | This video is about how I was groomed as a teen by a Christian man in my homeschool community. I share how it started, how the process was interrupted, and the aftermath of the experience.CW: grooming, SA, DV, emotional & psychological abuse[Content mentioned]“7 red flags that you're being groomed — how to spot the difference between a well-meaning adult and a predator” by Ashley Laderer: insider.com/guides/health/what-is-grooming?amp“What is EMDR?” by the EMDR Institute: emdr.com/what-is-emdr[Timestamps]00:00 - Intro & grooming definition03:03 - I was naive and vulnerable05:37 - An in-person conversation08:04 - Long, intimate emails12:50 - Secret phone calls17:31 - His wife finds out [CW: emotional abuse]26:15 - Weird dynamics & feelings confused32:29 - Finding the emails as an adult34:30 - Therapy & realizing it's not my fault[Background Music]Title: Small Emotionshooksounds.comImage description: Elly, who is white with brown eyes, is sitting in front of a desk as they talk to the camera. Their short brown hair is in a pony tail, and they are wearing a pink sweatshirt. In the background there is a string of lights, a green plant with small bisexual and genderqueer flags, and a vase of flowers on the desk.
Dear Future Husband: An Original Song about Gender Roles & Purity Culture Ex-Fundie Diaries 2023-02-14 | In this video, I share an original song I wrote from the perspective of my younger self while growing up in purity culture and the gender roles of christian fundamentalism. I explain the term "helpmeet" and how I practiced for that role as a young single person. I also read a portion from "Captivating" by John and Stasi Eldredge. Closed captions coming soon!CW: purity culture, christian patriarchy, religious trauma[Content Mentioned]"Casual Misogyny" by Janice Lagata on the BAD WORDS podcast: open.spotify.com/episode/3eAHKWHLIAdcLPZLlcqo1O[Timestamps]00:00 - Intro: gender roles & purity culture02:20 - Dear Future Husband original song05:25 - Writing letters to my future husband08:35 - Practicing to become a "helpmeet"12:17 - "Captivating" by John and Stasi Eldredge19:20 - Unlearning damaging messages[Background Music]Title: Hold Your Handhttps://www.hooksounds.comImage description: Elly is white with brown eyes and brown hair. In the discussion part of the video, they are wearing a pink t-shirt while sitting on the couch next to their dog, Nova- a black beagle/lab mix. During the song portion, they are wearing a maroon sweater while playing guitar and singing into a tabletop microphone.#OriginalSong #Exvangelical #ReligiousTrauma #PurityCulture #ChristianPatriarchy #Helpmeet #Captivating #ExFundieLibrary
Someone I Knew Went to a Duggar Wedding 💍🍰 Ex-Fundie Diaries 2022-12-25 | In this short, I share how a family I grew up with attended a Duggar wedding- a great example of fundie homeschool networking. #DuggarFamily #FundieSnark #Exvangelical #PurityCulture #Cult
Creepy Christian Kids Show: Quigley’s Village (Christmas Episode) Ex-Fundie Diaries 2022-12-23 | In this video, my sibling Annie and I react to the Christmas episode of a creepy christian kids show that we grew up watching called Quigley's Village. [CW: religious trauma]Happy Holidays![Social Media Links]Annie's YouTube channel: @jesusismygirlfriend Annie's instagram: instagram.com/jesusismygirlfriendElly's twitter: twitter.com/exfundiediariesElly's instagram: instagram.com/exfundiediaries[Timestamps]00:00 - Intro04:22 - Video reaction26:27 - Discussion[Background Music]Title: Lo-Fi Holidaywww.hooksounds.comImage description: Two siblings are on a zoom call, reacting to a video. They are both white with brown eyes and brown hair. Annie is wearing a green long-sleeve shirt, and Elly is wearing a purple sweatshirt. Behind each of them are lit up Christmas trees, and there is a fireplace video on the tv over Elly's shoulder.#Exvangelical #ExChristian #ReligiousTrauma #Reaction #ReactionVideo
Left Behind: The Kids (part 2) | Rapture Horror Story for Christian Teens Ex-Fundie Diaries 2022-10-31 | This video is part 2 of 2 about the Left Behind: The Kids series by Jerry B. Jenkins and Tim LaHaye. I read two chapters from book 1- "The Vanishings."CW: racism, child indoctrination, religious trauma, & detailed descriptions of the rapturePart 1: youtube.com/watch?v=y0i32v9WN4IClosed captions are coming soon!Resources to address the way Jerry B. Jenkins and Tim LaHaye handled race in the series, and the way they wrote the character Lionel + his family (and all the other characters):[White Authors Writing BIPOC Characters]"Dismantling the White Default" by Renee Harleston: writingdiversely.com/post/dismantling-the-white-default "7 CASUALLY RACIST THINGS THAT WHITE AUTHORS DO" by Mya Nunnally: bookriot.com/casually-racist-things-that-white-authors-do"Stop moaning about sensitivity readers – if there was diversity in publishing we wouldn’t need them" by Juno Dawson: theguardian.com/commentisfree/2022/mar/08/stop-moaning-sensitivity-readers-diversity-publishing"Should White Authors Write About BIPOC Experiences?" by Bookish Realm: youtube.com/watch?v=_gi9MxpOBvg&list=WL&index=4"Should white authors write non-white characters? *A closer look at the Whiteness of Addie LaRue*" by withcindy: youtube.com/watch?v=6BmdcNOBSNo[Timestamps]00:00 - Introduction01:12 - Chapter 7: "Vicki's Sad Awakening"24:22 - Chapter 10: "Finding Each Other"[Background Music]Title: Secrets of the Moonhttps://www.hooksounds.comImage description: Elly, who is white with brown eyes, is sitting on a blue couch as she talks to the camera. Their brown hair is down, and they are wearing a rust-colored tank top and a crown made of autumn leaves. The room is softly lit, and there are small pumpkins and flickering candles on a table next to the couch.#Exvangelical #ReligiousTrauma #RaptureAnxiety #Rapture #ChristianNationalism #Halloween #BookReview
14-year-olds do NOT look 18 Ex-Fundie Diaries 2022-10-31 | Responding to a comment from my “Left Behind: The Kids” video that says, “‘14 but looked 18’ 🚩🚩🚩🚩 Especially when written by a 1 million year old male pastor lol”
Left Behind: The Kids | Rapture Horror Story for Christian Teens Ex-Fundie Diaries 2022-10-24 | This video is about the Left Behind: The Kids series by Jerry B. Jenkins and Tim LaHaye. I share my experience with rapture anxiety while reading these books growing up fundie. I also briefly discuss the christian nationalism woven into the series, showing clips of one of the authors. Finally, I introduce the four main characters and read a chapter from book 1- "The Vanishings."CW: christian nationalism, racism, classism, child indoctrination, religious trauma, & detailed descriptions of the rapture[Video Mentioned]"Halloween is Evil, Demons are Real, and other 'Hocus Pocus' I was Taught to Believe" by Ex-Fundie Diaries: youtube.com/watch?v=oE9Ddpv7pJQ[Book Mentioned]"White Evangelical Racism: The Politics of Morality in America" by Anthea Butler: bookshop.org/p/books/white-evangelical-racism-the-politics-of-morality-in-america-anthea-butler/15267034?ean=9781469661179Resources to address the way Jerry B. Jenkins and Tim LaHaye handled race in the series, and the way they wrote the character Lionel + his family (and all the other characters):[White Authors Writing BIPOC Characters]"Dismantling the White Default" by Renee Harleston: writingdiversely.com/post/dismantling-the-white-default "7 CASUALLY RACIST THINGS THAT WHITE AUTHORS DO" by Mya Nunnally: bookriot.com/casually-racist-things-that-white-authors-do"Stop moaning about sensitivity readers – if there was diversity in publishing we wouldn’t need them" by Juno Dawson: theguardian.com/commentisfree/2022/mar/08/stop-moaning-sensitivity-readers-diversity-publishing"Should White Authors Write About BIPOC Experiences?" by Bookish Realm: youtube.com/watch?v=_gi9MxpOBvg&list=WL&index=4"Should white authors write non-white characters? *A closer look at the Whiteness of Addie LaRue*" by withcindy: youtube.com/watch?v=6BmdcNOBSNo[Timestamps]00:00 - Left Behind is about "the rapture"01:47 - Halloween & growing up fundie03:04 - My experience reading Left Behind06:26 - Racism & christian nationalism08:20 - Clips of author Tim LaHaye13:57 - Meet Judd, "The Runaway"15:03 - Meet Vicki, "The Rebel"17:08 - Meet Lionel, "The Liar"18:42 - Meet Ryan, "The Skeptic"20:15 - Reading Part 3: "The Morning After"[Background Music]Title: Secrets of the Moonhttps://www.hooksounds.comTitle: Deep Starehttps://www.hooksounds.comTitle: Something is Cominghttps://www.hooksounds.comTitle: Nightly Chimeshttps://www.hooksounds.comImage description: Elly, who is white with brown eyes, is sitting in front of a table as she talks to the camera. Their brown hair is down, and they are wearing an orange tank top sweater and an a crown made of autumn leaves. The room is softly lit, and there are small pumpkins and flickering candles on the table.#ChristianNationalism #ReligiousTrauma #RaptureAnxiety #Rapture #Exvangelical #Halloween #LeftBehind #BookReview
DBT & Distress Tolerance | Coping with Emotions During Separation Ex-Fundie Diaries 2022-10-17 | This video is about starting DBT (Dialectical Behavior Therapy) and learning distress tolerance skills. Since I am going through a separation, my emotions are more intense and overwhelming than ever. I share how I am coping despite what I was taught about feelings growing up in christian fundamentalism.CW: religious trauma and mental health issuesLearn more about DBT here: youtube.com/watch?v=1HMQubkRzx4[Timestamps]00:00 - Distress tolerance for going through a separation02:20 - How I was taught about emotions growing up04:19 - DBT, CBT, EMDR, & group therapy06:36 - Workbook intro: big feelings and childhood trauma10:48 - Workbook exercise: write down 3 unhealthy behaviors14:56 - Workbook section: there is hope15:48 - A sunny fall hike with Nova[Background Music]Title: Rain Cloudshooksounds.comImage description: Elly, who is white with brown eyes, is sitting on a blue couch as she talks to the camera. Their brown hair is down, and they are wearing a dark green t-shirt. Next to her on the table are two little pumpkins and a lit candle. During the intro, there are a few clips of Elly crying. The last couple minutes are clips of Elly and their dog Nova (a beagle/lab mix with black fur) hiking on a fall day. #Exvangelical #ReligiousTrauma #DialecticalBehaviorTherapy #DBT #DistressTolerance #CopingSkills #MentalHealth #SelfLove #CPTSD #Separation #Divorce #BreakUp #Relationship
Songs I Wrote as a Fundie Kid | The Religious Trauma of Evangelizing Loved Ones Ex-Fundie Diaries 2022-10-09 | In this video, I sing and read songs I wrote while growing up in christian fundamentalism. I share what it was like to have a worship pastor dad and about the burden I felt to evangelize my loved ones so they wouldn't go to hell.CW: child indoctrination, religious trauma, pet sickness & death, child ab*se[Timestamps]00:00 - My 2nd grade to 8th grade songbook01:30 - Song #1: "Just You and Me" (worship)04:30 - Growing up with a worship pastor dad06:28 - Leading family members in the sinner's prayer09:14 - Song #2: "Please Consider This" (evangelism)12:18 - The burden of evangelizing loved ones14:16 - Song #3: "He's Knocking at Your Heart" (evangelism)16:40 - My guinea pig being put to sleep20:39 - Song #4: "The Lord Protect You and Keep You" (grief)22:18 - Song #5: "The Trial I'm Goin' Through" (lament)23:59 - Song #6: "Dear Mom and Dad" (anti-college)27:02 - Song #7: "Love You So?" (kissing/love song)28:48 - Song #8: "Make Me Forget" (sin/shame)29:30 - Fear of hell creates religious trauma[Background Music]Title: Hold Your Handhttps://www.hooksounds.comImage description: Elly, who is white with brown eyes, is sitting in front of a desk as she talks to the camera. Their brown hair is down, and they are wearing a yellow flannel. On the desk is a green plant, a small bisexual flag, a lit candle, and a garland of orange and red leaves. The room is softly lit, and there is a string of twinkle lights hanging against the wall.#Exvangelical #ReligiousTrauma #ChildhoodTrauma #ExHomeschooler #CultSurvivor
Fundie Motherhood | My Postpartum Body Image Experience + Paul and Morgan Having a Baby Ex-Fundie Diaries 2022-09-29 | This video is about my experience with fundie motherhood and my struggle with perfectionism, anxiety, shame, fear, loneliness, and postpartum body image issues. I also share some thoughts on Paul and Morgan having a baby, the ways I relate to Morgan, and my complicated relationship to fundie snark. CW: religious trauma, christian patriarchy, body image issues, diet culture, and mentions of body weight, shape, & size.[Video Mentioned]"Therapist Reacts: Paul & Morgan Saying Fatphobic Things" by Mickey Atkins: youtube.com/watch?v=IMV-OPvly-ADisclaimer: When talking about PCOS at 20:38, I am sharing my experience with this disorder. I totally understand and respect if your experience is different. For anyone wanting to learn more about PCOS, here are a couple links:[Polycystic Ovary Syndrome]"Polycystic Ovary Syndrome (PCOS): Symptoms, Causes, and Treatment" by Stephanie Watson: healthline.com/health/polycystic-ovary-disease"What it's like to have PCOS when you’re trans" by Jen Bell: helloclue.com/articles/cycle-a-z/what's-it-like-to-have-pcos-when-you're-trans [Timestamps]00:00 - "Fundie Motherhood" as a construct01:03 - Thoughts on Paul and Moran having a baby 07:27 - Postpartum body image issues & diet culture10:26 - Being overwhelmed with early parenthood13:20 - Daddy issues and charismatic faith16:33 - Perfectionism and mental gymnastics19:11 - PCOS, pressure to be thin & disordered eating25:24 - Loneliness, anxiety & shame29:58 - Final thoughts and future videos[Background Music]Title: Happy Journeyhooksounds.comImage description: Elly, who is white with brown eyes, is sitting on a blue couch as she talks to the camera. Their brown hair is in a ponytail, and they are wearing maroon shorts with a brown belt and a floral yellow tank top tucked in. Next to her on the couch is Nova- a beagle/lab mix with black fur. Throughout the video, there are a few screenshots and pictures to illustrate Elly's points, and they read from a red journal that has "faith" written on the front.#Exvangelical #ReligiousTrauma #ChristianPatriarchy #PurityCulture #Quiverfull #Cult #BodyImage #DietCulture #Queer #FundieSnark #PaulAndMorgan
Sibling Sleepover | Songs & Stories from the Fundie Days [full video: @jesusismygirlfriend] Ex-Fundie Diaries 2022-09-23 | This video is a trailer for a conversation with my sibling Annie from @jesusismygirlfriend about our relationships to music and our progression from fundie hymns to secular music. We also share a guitar cover. You can watch the full video here: youtube.com/watch?v=r1Dqlw1yk8gImage description: Two siblings are sitting on a blue couch together with a string of twinkle lights against the wall behind them. Annie is on the left. They are white with brown eyes and wavy brown hair and are wearing a blue floral button up shirt. Elly is on the right. She is white with brown eyes and brown hair in an updo, and they are wearing a flowy green top.#Exvangelical #ReligiousTrauma #PurityCulture
Religious Trauma Air Quote Poetry ✨🍃 #Shorts Ex-Fundie Diaries 2022-08-28 | Apparently, I use a lot of air quotes in my videos! I've been wondering how it would sound if I strung some of those moments together with no context. The result is this wacky, religious trauma-themed air quote poetry. Image description: The background of this video is purple, and there is white lettering at the top of the screen that says "Air Quote Poetry.” In the middle of the screen are clips of Elly in past videos, gesturing with air quotes. Elly is white with brown eyes and brown hair.#Exvangelical #ReligiousTrauma #PurityCulture
Q&A | How I Met and Married My Husband + Relationship Update Ex-Fundie Diaries 2022-08-24 | This video is a Q&A about my husband - how we met & got married, and an update about our relationship.CW: christian patriarchy & purity cultureClosed captions are coming soon![Content Mentioned]“Bad Words” podcast by Janice Lagata: open.spotify.com/show/1XXyIeJAcrYU7hGQGFJySA[Videos about my Marriage]"Religious Sexual Shame | My First Kiss at the Altar & Vaginismus After Saving Sex for Marriage" by Ex-Fundie Diaries: youtube.com/watch?v=qvPRPcEXy0M"My Quiverfull Cult Experience as a Daughter, Wife, and Mother" by Ex-Fundie Diaries: youtube.com/watch?v=p5kO3tUe-s0"Q&A | What I Believe Now & Life after Faith Deconstruction: Marriage, Parenting, Family, and Friends" by Ex-Fundie Diaries: youtube.com/watch?v=U70FKAob9bA"My Parents Crashed My Honeymoon" by Ex-Fundie Diaries: youtube.com/shorts/vQDhPWLMcZk[Timestamps]00:00 - My husband and I are separated02:09 - How we met & started dating06:14 - How we got married[Background Music]Title: The Key to Lovehooksounds.comImage description: Elly, who is white with brown eyes, is wearing a light purple t-shirt and blue shorts. Her brown hair is in a pony tail. They are sitting on the floor against a blank wall next to their dog Nova, who is laying on a cushion. Nova is a beagle/lab mix with black fur and a white diamond on his chest. As Elly talks to the camera, she pets Nova.
Sibling Dynamics in Our Fundie Homeschool Family | Rivalry, Rebellion & Parentification Ex-Fundie Diaries 2022-08-21 | In this video, I chat with my sibling Annie @jesusismygirlfriend about our dynamics growing up homeschooled in our christian fundamentalist family. We share stories about both our rivalry and our creativity together, how I was parentified, and how Annie rebelled. We also reflect on how our upbringing affected our relationship and how far we've come as individuals and siblings. CW: child abuse and neglect, parentification, domestic violence, religious traumaCheck out Annie's most recent video: youtube.com/watch?v=wedU0fe8B9cFollow me on Twitter at @exfundiediaries: twitter.com/exfundiediariesParentification: psychologytoday.com/us/blog/healing-together/202001/14-signs-you-were-parentified-child[Timestamps]00:00 - Annie's new YouTube channel02:28 - Being creative together08:18 - Conflict, tension, and rivalry30:26 - Annie's rebellion & Elly's parentification51:53 - Reflecting on how far we've come[Background Music]Title: Great Possibilitieshttps://www.hooksounds.comImage description: Two siblings are talking with each other on a zoom call. Annie, who is on the left, is white with brown eyes and long, wavy brown hair. They are wearing a grey short-sleeve sweater and sitting in front of a green wall with shelves, a world map, and posters. Elly, who is on the right, is white with brown eyes and straight shoulder-length brown hair. They are wearing a green t-shirt and sitting in front of a plant and some twinkle lights. The background of the zoom call is a picture of a bookcase full of books. There are clips and screenshots throughout the video.#Exvangelical #ReligiousTrauma #CultSurvivor #ChildIndoctrination #Homeschool #ExHomeschooler #ChristianPatriarchy #PurityCulture
Christian Nationalist Propaganda | My 9th Grade Homeschool Anti-Abortion Paper Ex-Fundie Diaries 2022-08-03 | This video is about the christian nationalist propaganda I was raised with and my anti-abortion childhood indoctrination. As an example, I read an anti-abortion paper I wrote in 9th grade homeschooling.CW: christian nationalism, christian patriarchy, racism, white supremacy, anti-Semitism, religious trauma, mental health issues, rape, incest, & forced birth[Dr. Anthea Butler's Work]"White Evangelical Racism: The Politics of Morality in America" by Anthea Butler: bookshop.org/books/white-evangelical-racism-the-politics-of-morality-in-america/9781469661179"The Surprising History of the Anti-Abortion Movement | The Mehdi Hasan Show" by MSNBC: youtube.com/watch?v=4NAM2IcX8Pw&list=WL&index=14"For evangelicals, the moral outrage over abortion is about race, gender – and ultimately, power" by MSNBC: msnbc.com/ali-velshi/watch/for-evangelicals-the-moral-outrage-over-abortion-is-about-race-gender-and-ultimately-power-139557445743[Anti-Abortion Racism]“Pro-Life Racism” by Tori Williams Douglass & Alice Hamilton: https://anchor.fm/toriglass/episodes/009-Pro-Life-Racism-ej1e1q“Overturning Roe v. Wade Is About Control | A Pro-Choice Christian Perspective” by Damon Garcia: youtube.com/watch?v=toY4L5xpi2o"How The Fight To Ban Abortion Is Rooted In The ‘Great Replacement’ Theory" by Alex Samuels & Monica Potts: fivethirtyeight.com/features/how-the-fight-to-ban-abortion-is-rooted-in-the-great-replacement-theory“Abortion Restrictions Hurt Women of Color” by Nikita Mhatre: nationalpartnership.org/our-impact/blog/general/abortion-restrictions-hurt-women-of-color.html“Recent abortion bans will impact poor people and people of color most” by Renee Bracey Sherman: vox.com/first-person/2019/5/18/18630514/missouri-alabama-abortion-ban-2019-racism“Reality Check: The Anti-Choice Agenda Has Always Been Fueled by White Supremacy” by Mini Timmaraju: cosmopolitan.com/politics/a38393953/scotus-abortion-case-white-supremacy-naral“Patriot Front's anti-abortion advocacy at March for Life sends a clear message” by Renee Bracey Sherman & Lizz Winstead: nbcnews.com/think/amp/ncna1287952“Policing and Surveillance: How Texas’s Abortion Law Could Add To Systemic Racism” by Candice Norwood: msmagazine.com/2021/09/14/texas-abortion-law-racism-black-people-of-color“Abortion Bans Pose A Danger To All Mothers. For Black Women, They’re Especially Damaging” by Stephanie Long: refinery29.com/amp/en-us/2020/10/10015405/abortion-ban-racism-black-women-effects“Overturning Roe v. Wade Isn't About Christian Morals or Protecting Life” by Dante Stewart: parents.com/kindred/overturning-roe-v-wade-isnt-about-christian-morals-or-protecting-life“What is Reproductive Justice” by Sister Song: sistersong.net/reproductive-justice“Ayanna Pressley Explores How Abortion Bans Are ‘Rooted In Patriarchy And White Supremacy’” by Forbes Breaking News: youtu.be/SWYHIo_sMPs“What Happens When You Restrict Abortion?” by AJ+: youtu.be/Sfo4iYQiGt8[Timestamps]00:00 - My anti-abortion childhood indoctrination04:25 - White evangelical racism08:48 - The "color-blind gospel"11:30 - Randy Alcorn's "Why Pro-Life" & other propaganda16:40 - My 9th grade anti-abortion homeschool paper30:13 - Christian nationalism & the religious right[Background Music]Title: Shiny Lifehttps://www.hooksounds.comImage description: Elly, who is white with brown eyes, is sitting in front of a desk as she talks to the camera. Their brown hair is down, and they are wearing a blue t-shirt. On the desk are two green plants and a small bisexual flag. There are video clips and screen shots throughout the video.#Exvangelical #ReligiousTrauma #CultSurvivor #Quiverfull #Cult #ChristianPatriarchy #ChristianNationalism #ExHomeschooler #Abortion #RoeVWade
Ex-Fundie Diaries Channel Trailer Ex-Fundie Diaries 2022-07-24 | Ex-Fundie Diaries Channel TrailerThanks so much for watching![Background Music]Title: Lucky Charmshooksounds.comImage description: Elly (she/they) is white with brown hair and brown eyes. This video is a compilation of her in the present plus home videos of them as a child and teenager. There are four purple titles over a clip of yellow flowers.Title #1: Sharing stories of... growing up homeschooled in christian fundamentalismTitle #2: Journal entries, home videos, childhood books, & picturesTitle #3: Discussing topics like... faith deconstruction, PTSD & anxiety, purity culture, christian nationalism, child indoctrination, patriarchy, bi visibility, religious traumaTitle #4: Please like & subscribe#Exvangelical #ReligiousTrauma #BiVisibility #PurityCulture #CultSurvivor
Christian Dating vs. Courtship | The Duggars & I Kissed Dating Goodbye Ex-Fundie Diaries 2022-07-23 | This video is about christian dating versus christian courtship from the perspective of an ex-fundie. I share four differences between the two approaches, my parents' reasons for not allowing me to date, and the courtship advocates who influenced them, including the Duggar family and "I Kissed Dating Goodbye" by Joshua Harris. I also talk about growing up in purity culture and christian patriarchy.[Content Mentioned]"Jinger & Jeremy Discuss Courting | Counting On" by TLC: youtube.com/watch?v=ik-ZbP0gkZE&list=WL&index=4"Talking About Courting | Counting On" by TLC: youtube.com/watch?v=bQqQyxPHo9s&list=WL&index=3"I Survived I Kissed Dating Goodbye" by DOCS ology: youtube.com/watch?v=ybYTkkQJw_M"THE BOTKINS" by Fundie Fridays: youtube.com/watch?v=WDcsT1Rc-qE"The Virgin Daughters (Celibacy Documentary)" by Free iTunes Codes 2018: youtube.com/watch?v=HGD0Jbbjug4[Timestamps]00:00 - Courtship versus Christian dating02:47 - Difference #1: Asking the dad permission04:28 - Difference #2: Chaperones & emotional purity06:50 - Difference #3: Physical boundaries08:48 - Difference #4: Courtship breakups are scandals10:07 - "I Kissed Dating Goodbye" by Joshua Harris11:36 - "Boy Meets Girl: Say Hello to Courtship" by Joshua Harris15:16 - Courtship advocates that influenced by parents16:47 - Dads are the authority in christian patriarchy[Background Music]Title: Romancehooksounds.comImage Description: Elly, who is white with brown eyes, is sitting in front of a desk as she talks to the camera. Their brown hair is down, and they are wearing a purple t-shirt. On the desk are two green plants, a small bisexual flag, and a lit candle. There are video clips and screen shots throughout the video.#PurityCulture #ReligiousTrauma #Exvangelical #ChristianDating #Courtship #ChristianPatriarchy #ChristianFundamentalism #Quiverfull #Cult #CultSurvivor #ExHomeschooler #Duggars #19KidsandCounting #CountingOn #FundieSnark #StayAtHomeDaughters #VirginDaughters
My AWANA Experience Part 2: Sexism, Purity Culture, & Being Shamed by Leaders Ex-Fundie Diaries 2022-07-16 | This video is part 2 about my experience as a teenage homeschooled AWANA member. I share stories of being shamed by leaders, purity culture, sexist bullying, and friendship loss.CW: religious trauma, public shaming, sexism & sexist bullyingAWANA program overview: youtube.com/watch?v=N7KqeVXtvtcMy AWANA experience part 1: youtube.com/watch?v=TNQ4rcSdSZAMy new pronouns: youtube.com/shorts/Z3bCU9iIIKs[Content Mentioned]Veggie Rocks Album: youtube.com/watch?v=UgbM16x4OzQ&list=PLD315AiRJktPzXYvlGhCuLUWZJORaAHS0"VEGGIE TALES" by Fundie Fridays: youtube.com/watch?v=sq4dVkFD4D0[Timestamps]00:00 - Introduction & context01:00 - Being shamed at a parent appreciation dinner07:10 - Purity culture, courtship, & friendships with boys12:01 - Being shamed for "the appearance of evil"16:33 - Sexist bullying & losing a friend23:35 - Am I still in contact with the AWANA kids?[Background Music]Title: Carefree Childhoodhooksounds.comImage Description: Elly, who is white with brown eyes, is sitting in front of a desk as she talks to the camera. Their brown hair is half up half down, and they are wearing a black tank top. On the desk are two green plants, a small bisexual flag, and a lit candle. There are AWANA home movie clips in the intro and outro of the video.#AWANA #Exvangelical #ReligiousTrauma #PurityCulture #Sexism #ChristianPatriarchy #Cult #ExHomeschooler
My AWANA Experience Part 1: Bible Quizzing, Games, & Family Camping Ex-Fundie Diaries 2022-07-10 | This video is part 1 about my experience as a teenage homeschooled AWANA member. I share what AWANA meant to me at the time and my perspective on it now. I also share video clips and journal entries about Bible quizzing, game competitions, and family camping trips.AWANA program overview: youtube.com/watch?v=N7KqeVXtvtcMy new pronouns: youtube.com/shorts/Z3bCU9iIIKs[Timestamps]00:00 - Introduction & context00:55 - AWANA was an escape for me06:23 - Toxic environment & bullying08:55 - Clips of my AWANA book + handouts09:41 - Bible Quizzing & Game Competitions11:01 - Clips of AWANA olympics17:12 - Family camping trips[Background Music]Title: Lo-fi Beathooksounds.comImage Description: Elly, who is white with brown eyes, is sitting in front of a desk as she talks to the camera. Their brown hair is down, and they are wearing a purple floral button-up shirt. On the desk are two green plants, a small bisexual flag, and a lit candle. There are AWANA home movie clips throughout the video.#AWANA #Exvangelical #ReligiousTrauma #Cult #ExHomeschooler
Childhood Signs of My Bisexuality | Bi Erasure in Christian Fundamentalism Ex-Fundie Diaries 2022-06-22 | This video is about the bi erasure I experienced growing up in Christian fundamentalism. I share the queerphobic teachings of my homeschool community and three childhood signs of my bisexuality that I wasn't able to recognize until adulthood.CW: bi erasure, queerphobia, misogyny, & religious trauma. Also, grooming + sexual assault in a book series from 12:35 - 17:09. My new pronouns: youtube.com/shorts/Z3bCU9iIIKs?feature=share [Bisexuality Resources]"Bi+ Info: What it Means to Be a B(ee)" by the Bisexual Resource Center: biresource.org/bi-info"Bisexual Erasure" by GLAAD: glaad.org/accordionview/bisexual-erasure"Bisexuality+ and Christianity" by J.R. Yussuf and Rachel Siden: biresource.org/bi-info/bisexuality-and-christianity[Timestamps]00:00 - Bi erasure in christian fundamentalism03:17 - Childhood sign #1: Age 407:43 - Childhood sign #2: Age 1312:34 - Childhood sign #3: Age 16/17 [CW: grooming + SA]17:09 - Bi & Queer people are valid![Background Music]Title: Stillhooksounds.comImage Description: Elly, who is white with brown eyes, is sitting in front of a desk as she talks to the camera. Their brown hair is down, and they are wearing a black tank top and a flower crown in the bisexual flag colors. On the desk are two lit candles, two green plants, and a small bisexual flag. Throughout the video, there are screenshots and video clips to illustrate her points. There is also a short clip at the end of their dog Nova (a black Beagador) on a walk.#Exvangelical #ReligiousTrauma #BiVisibility #Queer
Happy Pride Month 🏳️🌈 My Pronouns are She/They 💕 #Shorts Ex-Fundie Diaries 2022-06-14 | Happy Pride Month! I wanted to let you know that my new pronouns are she/they. Here is a wonderful video that helped give me the courage to take this personal step:"Kristin and Jen Have New Pronouns" by The Kitchen & Jorn Show: youtube.com/watch?v=0NsMdzU6qPc Thanks so much for watching, and I'll see you in the next video! :)Image description: Elly is white with brown eyes and brown hair. Her face fills up the screen as they talk to the camera.#LGBTQ #Queer #Pronouns #Exvangelical #ReligiousTrauma
Christian Nationalist Child Indoctrination Cult | AWANA: Approved Workmen Are Not Ashamed Ex-Fundie Diaries 2022-05-21 | This video is about AWANA, a fundamentalist Christian program for children that I was apart of growing up. Using videos to explain, I share my perspective looking back on it now: that AWANA is actually a christian nationalist child indoctrination cult. CW: white supremacy, racism, queerphobia, transphobia, religious trauma, & the U.S. capitol insurrection My AWANA experience, part 1: youtube.com/watch?v=TNQ4rcSdSZA[Content Mentioned]“'We the People' - the three most misunderstood words in US history | Mark Charles | TEDxTysons” by TEDx Talks: youtube.com/watch?v=HOktqY5wY4A&t=1s“Stand-up Comedy | AWANA, Christianity, and Cults | Chelsea Burns” by Chelsea Burns: youtube.com/watch?v=OzsZ_7TRTms [Christian Nationalism Resources]“Jesus and John Wayne: How White Evangelicals Corrupted a Faith and Fractured a Nation” by Kristin Kobes Du Mez: bookshop.org/books/jesus-and-john-wayne-how-white-evangelicals-corrupted-a-faith-and-fractured-a-nation-9781631499050/9781631495731"White Evangelical Racism: The Politics of Morality in America" by Anthea Butler: bookshop.org/books/white-evangelical-racism-the-politics-of-morality-in-america/9781469661179"White Evangelical Racism with Dr. Anthea Butler" by Blake Chastain on the Exvangelical podcast: exvangelicalpodcast.com/white-evangelical-racism-with-dr-anthea-butler“Orange Wave, Episode 1” by Bradley Onishi on the Straight White American Jesus podcast: https://anchor.fm/straightwhiteamericanjesu/episodes/Orange-Wave--Episode-1-e1iiqfk“Keeping Up With The D-List Fundies: The Rodrigues Family and the Capitol Riots” by Gabs with Abigail: youtube.com/watch?v=yVkBsCRMXaA“Jessa Duggar In-Laws Racist !???” by Gabs with Abigail: youtube.com/watch?v=_FezLn3M3qs“Christofascists Stormed the Capitol on Epiphany” by Damon Garcia: youtube.com/watch?v=oATeNWHHdew“Christian Nationalism is Anti Christ - God's Not Dead 4 Trailer Reaction” by Damon Garcia: youtube.com/watch?v=Y4ZP6yGvUNk“Religious Extremists Mix Trump Worship With Christian Nationalism” by MSNBC: youtube.com/watch?v=zx8tsompfiM[Christian Nationalism Videos]"Christian Nationalist Propaganda | Inside my Homeschool "Science" Binder" by Ex-Fundie Diaries: youtube.com/watch?v=ewalmJTZ7wU"The War on Christmas | Christian Nationalism During the Holidays 🎄" by Ex-Fundie Diaries: youtube.com/watch?v=CGNK_GVKcw0[Timestamps]00:00 - My AWANA experience01:25 - Approved workmen are not ashamed03:49 - AWANA flag, pledge, and theme song 05:36 - Christian nationalist child indoctrination cult07:00 - Original curriculum [CW: racism & white supremacy]09:39 - Evangelism, scripture memorization, & awards11:06 - Biblical worldview [CW: queerphobia & transphobia]11:55 - Training soldiers in the Lord's army13:18 - The Christian flag [CW: U.S. capitol insurrection]14:38 - Presentation by an AWANA leader 23:23 - Fundies trying to define "fun"24:57 - AWANA stand-up[Background Music]Title: Presents to Everyonehooksounds.comImage Description: Elly, who is white with brown eyes, is sitting in front of a desk as she talks to the camera. Her brown hair is down, and she is wearing a white button-up shirt. On the desk are a lit candle, two green plants, and a small bisexual flag. Throughout the video, there are screenshots and video clips to illustrate her points.#AWANA #Exvangelical #ReligiousTrauma #Cult #ExHomeschooler
Emotionally Manipulative Christian Kids Show: The Donut Man (Easter Episode) Ex-Fundie Diaries 2022-04-17 | This video is about a christian fundamentalist kids show that I grew up watching called The Donut Man. I explain the basic premise and core messages of the show before going through the entire “Resurrection Celebration” episode.CW: grief, emotional manipulation, & religious trauma, including discussions of the crucifixion & sin nature.Subtitles are coming soon![Timestamps]00:00 - Growing up watching Donut Man03:01 - The Resurrection Celebration07:19 - Bonnets, puppets, & gender roles10:14 - The easter story is about Jesus17:18 - Grief & emotional manipulation23:13 - Life without god’s love is like a donutImage Description: Elly, who is white with brown eyes, is sitting in front of a desk as she talks to the camera. Her shoulder-length brown hair is down, and she is wearing green t-shirt. On the desk are two lit candles, two green plants, and a small bisexual flag. Throughout the video, there are clips of The Donut Man TV show.#ReligiousTrauma #Exvangelical
Kissing Dreams & How I Learned about Sex | Growing Up in Purity Culture Ex-Fundie Diaries 2022-04-01 | This video is about my experiences growing up in purity culture- the shame I felt at being interested in kissing, sex, and romantic relationships, and the way my repressed feelings and curiosities surfaced in my dreams. I share how I first learned about PIV sex on accident as well as my parents' rules about courtship and their love for "I Kissed Dating Goodbye." I also briefly discuss why I am passionate about comprehensive sex education beginning in childhood (and why this is a fundie parent's nightmare.)Editor's note: At 17:44, I said that I was taught the mechanics of PIV sex. I'd like to clarify that I was given a very minimal description. As a virgin on my wedding day, I still had unanswered questions. CW: religious trauma, including discussions of the rapture[Sex Education Resources]"Beyond the Birds & the Bees - What Comprehensive Sex Education Looks Like" by Education Week: youtube.com/watch?v=aOphfTmwkOE&list=WL&index=18"Why Early Sex Ed Is Awesome!" by Nadine Thornhill: youtube.com/watch?v=ZulPg8fYu7k"How To Talk To Preschoolers About Anatomy & Body Safety | Planned Parenthood Video" by Planned Parenthood: youtube.com/watch?v=EinNeciMgpQ"Where do BABIES come from?!? - Bodies: QUEER KID STUFF #34" by Queer Kid Stuff: youtube.com/watch?v=G3oHkGHz74M"Updated 'It’s Perfectly Normal' Sex Ed Book: More LGBTQ Inclusive, But Gaps Remain" by Mombian: mombian.com/2021/05/18/updated-its-perfectly-normal-sex-ed-book-more-lgbtq-inclusive-but-gaps-remain"New LGBTQ-Inclusive Sex Ed Book Will Inform and Support All Tweens" by Mombian: mombian.com/2020/08/18/new-lgbtq-inclusive-sex-ed-book-will-inform-and-support-all-tweens"Sex Ed For LGBTQ Youth - Five Ways To Make Sex Ed More Queer Inclusive!" by Nadine Thornhill: youtube.com/watch?v=sd-z_SOhPqc"Trauma Informed Approaches When Teaching Sex Education" by AFY - Virtual Professional Development: youtube.com/watch?v=Mw-cdL4siEQ"The Scary Reality Of Sex Education In Alabama | State Of Grace | Refinery29" by Refinery 29: youtube.com/watch?v=j3ej5JBa95E[Timestamps]00:00 - Growing up in purity culture 01:59 - Comprehensive sex education03:19 - How I learned about PIV sex10:45 - My "rebellious year" & my "testimony"14:11 - Asking questions & feeling shamed16:43 - Dream #1: Sex dream with a girl 18:11 - Dream #2: Rapture kissing dream21:51 - Courtship & I Kissed Dating Goodbye26:57 - Dream #3: Getting married at 1331:51 - A quick "paws" for dog content[Background Music]Title: Stillhooksounds.comImage Description: Elly, who is white with brown eyes, is sitting in front of a blank wall as she talks to the camera. Her shoulder-length brown hair is down, and she is wearing a dark blue sweater. To her left is the corner of a desk that holds green plants and a small bisexual flag. Throughout the video, there are screen shots and clips that correspond with the content mentioned.#ReligiousTrauma #Exvangelical #IKissedDatingGoodbye #ChristianCourtship #ChristianPatriarchy #BiVisibility #PurityCulture
Q&A | Religious Trauma, LGBTQ+ Issues, Self-Help Resources, & My Dog Ex-Fundie Diaries 2022-03-22 | This video is a Q&A. I answer questions about growing up homeschooled, religious trauma, agnostic atheism, LGBTQ+ issues, and various other topics. I also share lots of content and self-help resources.CW: homophobia, transphobia, biphobia, racism, white supremacy, anti-Semitism, religious trauma, & mental health issues.[Content Mentioned]“Lil Nas X - MONTERO (Call Me By Your Name) (Official Video)” by Lil Nas X: youtube.com/watch?v=6swmTBVI83kQuote by bell hooks: goodreads.com/quotes/295256-the-first-act-of-violence-that-patriarchy-demands-of-males“Mild at Heart: Sex, Love, and Masculinity After Purity Culture” by Bradley Onishi with the Straight White American Jesus podcast: https://www.irreverent.fm/show/straight-white-american-jesus-1/mild-at-heart-love-sex-and-masculinity-after-purity-culture-intro-and-ep-1/“Mild at Heart: Series Intro” by Straight White American Jesus Podcast: youtube.com/watch?v=IydqTN6x1us“Kimberlé Crenshaw: What is Intersectionality?” by National Association of Independent Schools (NAIS): youtube.com/watch?v=ViDtnfQ9FHc“The Difference Between Atheists and Agnostics” by Learn Religions: learnreligions.com/atheist-vs-agnostic-whats-the-difference-248040“The story behind the viral photo of Muslim and Jewish children protesting at O’Hare” by Vikki Ortiz: chicagotribune.com/news/breaking/ct-jewish-muslim-fathers-viral-photo-met-20170131-story.htmlTweet by Jo Luehmann: twitter.com/JoLuehmann/status/1154962218082947072Q Christian Fellowship: qchristian.org“Lindsay Ellis on Bisexual Erasure & "Straight-Passing Privilege” by SAVY Writes Books: youtube.com/watch?v=RPqvE-kQzV8“Bisexual Women Discuss: Is Straight Passing Privilege Real?” By SAVY Writes Books: youtube.com/watch?v=pbyDgHH_gEk“Do Bi People Have "Straight Passing Privilege"? | True Tea Podcast” by Kat Blaque: youtube.com/watch?v=d-6o3u_nxbEJane the Virgin clip: youtube.com/watch?v=dfKEeN3lipY“Meditation for Panic Attacks/Emergency Anxiety Relief” by clean.simple.free: youtube.com/watch?v=sz-cNBAK7QsThe Sleepy Bookshelf podcast: sleepybookshelf.comACEs Quiz: americanspcc.org/take-the-aces-quiz“How childhood trauma affects health across a lifetime | Nadine Burke Harris” by TED: youtube.com/watch?v=95ovIJ3dsNk"Dr. Burke Harris and Oprah Winfrey discuss Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs) for NumberStory.org" by mynumberstory: youtube.com/watch?v=6In6cnxX28YBy the Book podcast: bythebookpod.com“Emily Joy - Thank God I'm A Virgin - Official Music Video” by Emily Joy: youtube.com/watch?v=ChgCOyWp8uMFirst Q&A: youtu.be/U70FKAob9bA[Timestamps]00:00 - Content warnings & introduction00:52 - How did my parent restrict the books I read when I was homeschooled? Did I read voraciously?08:13 - Did I ever go to church camp as a kid? If so, did I ever have one of those intense "final night of church camp" experiences involving rededicating my life?13:36 - What was the one thing that felt the best to reclaim power over and let myself do when I began my deconstruction process?15:28 - Have I had trouble letting go of the fear of hell?17:17 - Do I find myself judging people based on my old beliefs?18:30 - Do I have any thoughts on how fundamentalist Christianity hurts cisgender men?23:06 - Why do I say I’m an agnostic atheist?24:56 - What are my thoughts on other religions? 29:26 - Did I find it a struggle to change my mindset about queer/trans issues after leaving religion?33:34 - How has my journey with discovering/exploring my sexuality changed, if at all? Do I still find that my old views come in the way of acceptance?37:20 - Addressing an old video: bisexuality & "straight-passing relationships."43:33 - What are my favorite self-help resources?47:22 - How did I get started doing this channel and pick these topics to talk about?50:25 - Who’s your cute pup back there / what kind of dog is he?[Background Music]Title: Lucky Charmshooksounds.comImage Description: Elly, who is white with brown eyes, is sitting in front of a blank wall as she talks to the camera. Her shoulder-length brown hair is down, and she is wearing a light purple shirt. To her left is the corner of a desk that holds green plants and a small bisexual flag. Throughout the video, there are screen shots and clips that correspond with the content mentioned. During Elly’s answer to the last question, there are videos and pictures of her dog, Nova. He looks like a mini lab and is black with a white diamond on his chest, wearing a blue collar.
Redeeming Love (part 3): Misogynistic Messages & Controlling Christian Creeps | Ex-Fundie Library Ex-Fundie Diaries 2022-02-23 | This video is part 3 of 3 about the Christian romance novel “Redeeming Love” by Francine Rivers. When I read this book as a teen, I saw it as a beautiful “love story” that ultimately showed god’s love for his people. I now understand that this story was not about love at all. Rather, it is a misogynistic, violent story about abuse and control that can give impressionable teens and young adults a skewed view of themselves, romantic relationships, and their faith- just like it did for me.Redeeming Love part 1: youtube.com/watch?v=JNPKhvajrIURedeeming Love part 2: youtube.com/watch?v=RnqpeFJPsBQCW: Sexism, misogyny, domestic violence, verbal & emotional abuse, spiritual & psychological abuse, kidnapping, Stockholm syndrome, sexual assault, pedophilia, etc.[Content Mentioned]“Redeeming Love (with Janielle Kastner)” by the Good Christian Fun podcast with Kevin Porter and Caroline Ely: headgum.com/good-christian-fun/redeeming-love-with-janielle-kastner“Redeeming Love: Assumptions” by Samatha Field: http://samanthapfield.com/2017/10/02/redeeming-love-assumptions“Redeeming Love: A Book Review Series” by Samatha Field: http://samanthapfield.com/reviews/redeeming-love“The Cuties conversation is infuriating.” by For Harriet: youtube.com/watch?v=Odm_Eta1VcQ“Boaz gets ahead” by the Go Home Bible, You’re Drunk podcast with Tori Williams Douglass and Justin Gentry: https://www.irreverent.fm/show/go-home-bible-youre-drunk/episode-36-boaz-gets-ahead/[Timestamps]00:00 - Intro: Content warnings & Recap02:18 - (Part Nine) Michael kidnaps Angel (AGAIN!) [CW: SA]13:37 - (Part Ten) Creepy Paul sexualizes 16-year-old Miriam23:26 - The Unnecessary Love Square (w/ a diagram)31:12 - A birth, a goodbye, & an escape43:14 - (Part Eleven) Miriam’s Biblical Plan52:41 - (Part Twelve) Angel (Sarah) gets saved01:05:41 - (Part Thirteen) A very godly stripshow 01:14:24 - (Part Fourteen) Affluently ever after 01:16:33 - Discussion guide & the book’s harmful messages[Background Music]Title: Warmhooksounds.comImage Description: Elly is white with brown eyes and brown hair. She is sitting in front of a blank wall as she talks to the camera. To her left is the corner of a desk that holds green plants, lit candles, and a small bisexual flag. Her hair is down, and she is wearing a blue top with small white flowers and a white cardigan. There are screen shots throughout the video that correspond to the content mentioned.#PurityCulture #ChristianPatriarchy #ReligiousTrauma #Exvangelical #ExChristian #RedeemingLove #FrancineRivers #BookReview
Hey There, Angel - Redeeming Love Plain White Ts Parody (If Michael Hosea Wrote a Song) Ex-Fundie Diaries 2022-02-02 | This video is a “Redeeming Love” parody I wrote of “Hey There Delilah” by the Plain White T’s. It is sung from the perspective of Michael Hosea. I hope that the absurdity of these lyrics (inspired by the plot of the book “Redeeming Love” by Francine Rivers) will underscore the fact that this is NOT a “love story!” Michael Hosea is a creep, and Angel deserves better. Part 3 of the book review is coming soon! Thanks so much for watching! :)CW: misogyny & sexism, kidnapping & Stockholm syndrome, abuse & domestic violenceImage description: Elly (she/her) is white with brown eyes and straight brown hair. She is wearing a plain white t-shirt tucked into dark jeans with a tan belt. Standing in front of a plain white wall, she is singing and playing her guitar, held up by a brown guitar strap. Sometimes she does goofy dance moves. Throughout the video, there are partly-transparent overlays of clips from the Redeeming Love movie trailers. #RedeemingLove #SongParody #Exvangelical #ExChristian #ReligiousTrauma #ChristianPatriarchy
Redeeming Love (part 2): This Christian Soap Opera Horror Story Wont End | Ex-Fundie Library Ex-Fundie Diaries 2022-01-26 | This video is part 2 of 3 about the Christian romance novel “Redeeming Love” by Francine Rivers. When I read this book as a teen, I saw it as a beautiful “love story” that ultimately showed god’s love for his people. I now understand that this story was not about love at all. Rather, it is a misogynistic, violent story about abuse and control that can give impressionable teens and young adults a skewed view of themselves, romantic relationships, and their faith- just like it did for me.You can watch part 1 here: youtube.com/watch?v=JNPKhvajrIUCW: Sexism, misogyny, domestic violence, verbal & emotional abuse, spiritual & psychological abuse, kidnapping, Stockholm syndrome, rape & sexual assault, racism & white supremacy, chattel slavery, pedophilia, incest, forced abortion & sterilization, etc.[Teen Vogue Article]"Child Marriage in the United States, Explained" by Ashley Belanger: teenvogue.com/story/child-marriage-in-the-united-states-explained[Timestamps]00:00 - Intro: Comments and content warnings04:54 - Part Four: Meet Paul, another incel11:21 - CW: rape and sexual assault16:11 - Part Five: Michael kidnaps Angel (again)29:28 - Part Six: Domestic hell & an awful road trip47:10 - CW: racism, white supremacy, and slavery 51:31 - More evangelical erotica52:20 - Part Seven: Getting cozy with the Altmans 59:15 - CW: forced abortion and sterilization01:01:32 - These characters have horrible boundaries01:13:02 - Miriam is only 16!! Too young to get married!!!01:17:40 - Part Eight: Angel runs away (again)01:19:55 - CW: incest01:22:06 - Weird makeup sex[Background Music]Title: Warmhooksounds.comImage Description: Elly is white with brown eyes and brown hair. She is sitting in front of a blank wall as she talks to the camera. To her left is the corner of a desk that holds green plants, lit candles, and a small bisexual flag. In the first part of the video, she is wearing an olive green blouse and a light gray cardigan, and in the second part, she is wearing a forest green sweater. Both times, her hair is in a ponytail. There are screen shots throughout the video that correspond to the content mentioned.#PurityCulture #ChristianPatriarchy #ReligiousTrauma #Exvangelical #ExChristian #RedeemingLove #FrancineRivers #BookReview
Sexist, Violent Christian Romance Novel + New Movie: Redeeming Love | Ex-Fundie Library Ex-Fundie Diaries 2022-01-18 | This video is about the Christian romance novel “Redeeming Love” by Francine Rivers, which is now a mainstream movie coming out this Friday, 1/21/22. When I read this book as a teen, I saw it as a beautiful “love story” that ultimately showed god’s love for his people. I now understand that this story was not about love at all. Rather, it is a misogynistic, violent story about abuse and control that can give impressionable teens and young adults a skewed view of themselves, romantic relationships, and their faith- just like it did for me. Thanks so much for watching!CW: Sexism, misogyny, domestic violence, verbal & emotional abuse, spiritual & psychological abuse, kidnapping, Stockholm syndrome, etc.Redeeming Love Movie Trailer: youtube.com/watch?v=_8RIlIOd_us[Resources Mentioned]“Madame Ah Toy - San Francisco's First Chinese Madame” by Malia Miglino: youtube.com/watch?v=Qnwpl-9nkIA Decriminalize Sex Work: https://decriminalizesex.work/why-decriminalization/“Toxic Purity Culture” by the Sluts Sinners and Saints podcast: open.spotify.com/episode/38C3tVqZXIaKL1kiCQ31P2“Girl Defined and the Impact of Denying Your Sense of Self” by the Sluts Sinners and Saints podcast: open.spotify.com/episode/4VS6hn3tX3XTiPzpthE7Dy[Timestamps]00:00 - Redeeming Love book + movie 02:41 - My teenage experience reading it05:13 - Content warning: misogyny & abuse06:02 - The white perspective of the book10:04 - The story of Hosea and Gomer11:27 - Part One: Michael pursues Angel20:12 - Angel sets boundaries & Michael ignores them29:30 - Michael's Christian incel rant33:51 - Part Two: Michael kidnaps Angel38:17 - Isolation and manipulation43:26 - Part Three: Evangelical Erotica47:39 - Michael scares and abuses Angel51:56 - A super weird sex scene01:05:06 - Angel runs away & Michael follows her[Background Music]Title: Warmhooksounds.comImage Description: Elly is white with brown eyes and straight brown hair. She is wearing a dark blue sweater and sitting in front of a blank wall as she talks to the camera. To her left is the corner of a desk that holds green plants, lit candles, and a small bisexual flag. There are screen shots and videos throughout the video that correspond to the content mentioned, including clips of the "Redeeming Love" movie trailer.#PurityCulture #ChristianPatriarchy #ReligiousTrauma #Exvangelical #ExChristian #RedeemingLove #FrancineRivers #BookReview #RedeemingLoveMovie
