Uploaded July 2023 | Updated September 2026, 1 hour ago
Is the Focus on the Family video "HOPE FOR YOUR HURTING MARRIAGE" a good series for people in destructive, desperate marriages?
Unfortunately, NO. Here are 9 KEY PROBLEMS
Print version: lifesavingdivorce.com/fotfvideo
*9 PROBLEMS*
(Note: in every anecdote in this series, Focus on the Family identifies the cheater, abuser, or addict as the husband, and the wife as the one who asks for help. We all know that men can be victims of abuse, but for this critique, I'll follow their pattern.)
😕 Problem 1: This video teaches that wives are to blame for men’s marriage-destroying behavior
😕 Problem 2: Only once in this 6-part series are men told their marriage-endangering behavior is sinful and must stop immediately
😕 Problem 3: The video suggests that abused and betrayed wives are responsible for their own major depression.
😕 Problem 4: Wives are taught it’s simple to curb their husbands’ physical violence.
😕 Problem 5: In this video series (produced for people in hurting and desperate marriages), Jim Daly and Gary Chapman defend and excuse husbands repeatedly
😕 Problem 6: The hosts give the message that expecting men to exert themselves to become mature individuals is simply asking too much of them
😕 Problem 7: In the video on control, there are no examples of typical emotional abuse (put-downs, name-calling, threats, indifference, false accusations, or contempt). Instead, the only example of emotional abuse is petty and ridiculous — and suggests that verbal and emotional abuse don't really exist — that it's all just a misunderstanding.
😕 Problem 8: In this series, Jim and Gary model to other Christian leaders how to PRETEND to care for wives in these desperate marriages, then just turn and blame them.
😕 Problem 9: Jim Daly discards Jesus’ teaching on divorce. Although he admits that Jesus allowed divorce for infidelity, he says that he, Jim Daly, knows better.
As people who take our faith seriously, we believe in the sanctity of marriage, and we are steadfastly against frivolous divorces. But at the same time, we are realists and know that some divorces are for very serious things, such as a pattern of infidelity, physical violence, verbal or emotional abuse, family-crushing addictions, and abandonment of duty.
They never mention that the Bible does permit divorce for abuse, but it does: lifesavingdivorce.com/abuse-in-bible
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Link to part where Jim Daly suggests that Gary Chapman is a counselor: After the auto-play advertisement pops up, jump to minute 00:30 youtu.be/5vRoAE8G8iI?t=30
Do Gary Chapman or Jim Daly, president of Focus on the Family, have a verbal abuse problem? They suggest they do and admit it was wrong. Listen to Gary's quote. He is smart. He knows to admit to something minor in the distant past. See Minute 3:08 youtu.be/5vRoAE8G8iI?t=187
Daly admits his guilt, too, saying he still acts that way: Minute 3:45. youtu.be/5vRoAE8G8iI?t=225.
----
Recommendations for Better Books on Marriage and Sex:
1. The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work by John M Gottman - https://is.gd/xFlJzI
2. The Gift of Sex by Clifford and Joyce Penner - https://is.gd/VTewGN
3. Boundaries in Marriage by Henry Cloud and John Townsend - https://is.gd/Eaom6B
4. Intimate Issues by Linda Dillow and Lorraine Pintus - https://is.gd/mvQszB
5. The Great Sex Rescue by Sheila Gregoire, Rebecca Lindenbach, and Joanna Sawatski - https://is.gd/jCY7A4
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ABOUT
Gretchen Baskerville is a Christian divorce recovery leader and researcher. Since 1998, she has worked in churches in the Los Angeles area. She helps heartbroken people find strength, courage, and healing. For more than 25 years she has worked with Christian women and men going through difficult, life-saving divorces, listening with compassion to those who have suffered from domestic violence, betrayal, infidelity, addicted partners, and emotional abuse.
Herself the survivor of a toxic marriage, she walked through her own lifesaving divorce and was a single mother for many years. Today she is happily remarried. She is a graduate of Wheaton College with a degree in Bible and Christian Education.
For more information:
Website and Blog: LifeSavingDivorce.com
Bluesky: https://bsky.app/profile/lifesavingdivorce.bsky.social
Facebook facebook.com/lifesavingdivorce
Instagram instagram.com/gretchenbaskerville
You Tube youtube.com/@lifesavingdivorce
Twitter twitter.com/GGBaskerville
What's a Life-Saving Divorce? A Life-Saving Divorce is a divorce for serious reasons: a pattern of sexual immorality, physical abuse, chronic emotional abuse, domestic violence, felony behavior, life-destroying addictions, or abandonment/neglect.
Book, "The Life-Saving Divorce: Hope for People Leaving Destructive Relationships"
Paperback or eBook: amzn.to/3CCBsnr AUDIOBOOK: amzn.to/4f52Mh4
As an Amazon Associate I earn from qualifying purchases.
Is the Focus on the Family video "HOPE FOR YOUR HURTING MARRIAGE" a good series for people in destructive, desperate marriages?
Unfortunately, NO. Here are 9 KEY PROBLEMS
Print version: lifesavingdivorce.com/fotfvideo
*9 PROBLEMS*
(Note: in every anecdote in this series, Focus on the Family identifies the cheater, abuser, or addict as the husband, and the wife as the one who asks for help. We all know that men can be victims of abuse, but for this critique, I'll follow their pattern.)
😕 Problem 1: This video teaches that wives are to blame for men’s marriage-destroying behavior
😕 Problem 2: Only once in this 6-part series are men told their marriage-endangering behavior is sinful and must stop immediately
😕 Problem 3: The video suggests that abused and betrayed wives are responsible for their own major depression.
😕 Problem 4: Wives are taught it’s simple to curb their husbands’ physical violence.
😕 Problem 5: In this video series (produced for people in hurting and desperate marriages), Jim Daly and Gary Chapman defend and excuse husbands repeatedly
😕 Problem 6: The hosts give the message that expecting men to exert themselves to become mature individuals is simply asking too much of them
😕 Problem 7: In the video on control, there are no examples of typical emotional abuse (put-downs, name-calling, threats, indifference, false accusations, or contempt). Instead, the only example of emotional abuse is petty and ridiculous — and suggests that verbal and emotional abuse don't really exist — that it's all just a misunderstanding.
😕 Problem 8: In this series, Jim and Gary model to other Christian leaders how to PRETEND to care for wives in these desperate marriages, then just turn and blame them.
😕 Problem 9: Jim Daly discards Jesus’ teaching on divorce. Although he admits that Jesus allowed divorce for infidelity, he says that he, Jim Daly, knows better.
As people who take our faith seriously, we believe in the sanctity of marriage, and we are steadfastly against frivolous divorces. But at the same time, we are realists and know that some divorces are for very serious things, such as a pattern of infidelity, physical violence, verbal or emotional abuse, family-crushing addictions, and abandonment of duty.
They never mention that the Bible does permit divorce for abuse, but it does: lifesavingdivorce.com/abuse-in-bible
----
Link to part where Jim Daly suggests that Gary Chapman is a counselor: After the auto-play advertisement pops up, jump to minute 00:30 youtu.be/5vRoAE8G8iI?t=30
Do Gary Chapman or Jim Daly, president of Focus on the Family, have a verbal abuse problem? They suggest they do and admit it was wrong. Listen to Gary's quote. He is smart. He knows to admit to something minor in the distant past. See Minute 3:08 youtu.be/5vRoAE8G8iI?t=187
Daly admits his guilt, too, saying he still acts that way: Minute 3:45. youtu.be/5vRoAE8G8iI?t=225.
----
Recommendations for Better Books on Marriage and Sex:
1. The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work by John M Gottman - https://is.gd/xFlJzI
2. The Gift of Sex by Clifford and Joyce Penner - https://is.gd/VTewGN
3. Boundaries in Marriage by Henry Cloud and John Townsend - https://is.gd/Eaom6B
4. Intimate Issues by Linda Dillow and Lorraine Pintus - https://is.gd/mvQszB
5. The Great Sex Rescue by Sheila Gregoire, Rebecca Lindenbach, and Joanna Sawatski - https://is.gd/jCY7A4
-----
ABOUT
Gretchen Baskerville is a Christian divorce recovery leader and researcher. Since 1998, she has worked in churches in the Los Angeles area. She helps heartbroken people find strength, courage, and healing. For more than 25 years she has worked with Christian women and men going through difficult, life-saving divorces, listening with compassion to those who have suffered from domestic violence, betrayal, infidelity, addicted partners, and emotional abuse.
Herself the survivor of a toxic marriage, she walked through her own lifesaving divorce and was a single mother for many years. Today she is happily remarried. She is a graduate of Wheaton College with a degree in Bible and Christian Education.
For more information:
Website and Blog: LifeSavingDivorce.com
Bluesky: https://bsky.app/profile/lifesavingdivorce.bsky.social
Facebook facebook.com/lifesavingdivorce
Instagram instagram.com/gretchenbaskerville
You Tube youtube.com/@lifesavingdivorce
Twitter twitter.com/GGBaskerville
What's a Life-Saving Divorce? A Life-Saving Divorce is a divorce for serious reasons: a pattern of sexual immorality, physical abuse, chronic emotional abuse, domestic violence, felony behavior, life-destroying addictions, or abandonment/neglect.
Book, "The Life-Saving Divorce: Hope for People Leaving Destructive Relationships"
Paperback or eBook: amzn.to/3CCBsnr AUDIOBOOK: amzn.to/4f52Mh4
As an Amazon Associate I earn from qualifying purchases.
