Uploaded March 2026 | Updated September 2026, 3 hours ago

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The guy at the bar, sitting alone, keeps nervously checking his phone. He’s waiting for his Tinder date. This song is about him. And me. And all of us!

I’m really happy with the way this song came together, musically and lyrically, and it’s a lot of fun to perform. This performance is from The Lincoln Lodge in Chicago, a great independent, non-profit club that puts on a ton of comedy with a great variety of styles and performers.

Here are the lyrics:

He’s at the bar, he sits alone, he’s on his phone
As he nervously nurses a drink
A guy walks by, says “do you mind if I take this chair?”
He says “there’s someone coming, I think”
It’s 6:30 on a Tuesdaywhy can’t I look away?
I’m obsessed with this guy at the barwaiting for his Tinder date

She walks in and it beginsI lean in
To see if there’s any romance
He says ‘hi’ she says ‘hi,'I roll my eyes
Oh gosh, now they’re shaking hands
It looks like a job interview
He’ll never get hired at this rate
Oh, Why can’t we stop watchingthis couple on their Tinder date?

And by ‘we’ I mean me and the woman next to me
Cuz we’re on a Tinder date too
We didn’t wanna sit around and just talk
So this came up as something we could do
We started role playing as the other couple
It was double reversed so we could be at our worst
We said awkward things and had too many drinks
We laughed a lot and it got really hot
We went home as them and made love ironically
But we didn’t know if these were real sparks
I mean, it was great but was it really us
Was this passion or “passion” in quotation marks?

Nothing said as we lay in bed, we were in our heads
Did we have to keep being them?
We could try to start over as ourselves
But I fear it might be too late
Oh, why did we start watchingthat couple on a Tinder date?
We should have never started watching that couple on a tinder date
Maybe they were watching uson their Tinder date