Uploaded February 2023 | Updated September 2026, 2 hours ago

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A comedy song explaining the wonders of corporate personhood! Written, arranged, and performed by Rob Paravonian, illustrations and character design by Dan Pavelich! (Visit him on patreon! patreon.com/JustSayUncle)

From the album The American Songbook: Redacted! by Rob Paravonian, available everywhere digital music is underappreciated!

Spotify: open.spotify.com/track/02qlkt1VUiicECSFx8FSTz?si=8c7e9a1a910d4acc
Bandcamp: robprocks.bandcamp.com/track/corporations-are-people-too
Apple Music: music.apple.com/us/album/corporations-are-people-too/1646865974?i=1646866463

Lyrics:
Corporations are people too
They’re just like you and me
They have to keep showing quarterly growth
Thanks to shareholder primacy
They’re always trying to look good
To sell themselves to the investor class
And they claim that they’re really from Ireland
To avoid paying U.S. tax

Admit it, we’ve all done that! Haha. Top of the morning to ya!

Corporations are people too
They have needs and desires
They just want to have a few good years
So they can be acquired
They can enter into contracts
And yes, they can get sued
But then they go bankrupt and kill themselves
And everybody is screwed

Uh oh! Just try collecting that settlement now, it’s gonna be tricky!

And nothing’s more important to a corporate person
Then their right to political speech
With their millions in undisclosed SuperPAC funds
They do things beyond average citizen’s reach
They can muddy the waters of discourse
So they can dirty the water and air
They can buy all the minutes of corporate media
Surely that’s totally fair!!

Corporations are people too
They have 1st Amendment rights
Freeze Peach!
The 2nd Amendment should apply to them too
It would help in proxy fights
They can have a religion
And be extremely devout
And to any law that they think is a demon
They can say, “I cast thee out!”

Because when has nullification of a federal law ever caused a problem before?

Corporations are people too
They could be your best friend
Just like real people they’ll like you more
The more you spend on them
They can do some charity work
Aw
They can be patrons of the arts
Hooray!
And just like you they can get bought out
And then sold off for parts

Like that time you woke up in a Juàrez bathtub missing a kidney. What was that!?