Uploaded June 2013 | Updated September 2026, 2 hours ago
When you visit your parents do they have a list of computer problems ready for you to solve for them? If so, this song is for you. Recorded at a show at the UCBEast Theater in NYC, the studio version is on my new album Keep Your Jazz Hand Strong, available on Amazon, iTunes, Spotify and more.
Lyrics after the links:
Amazon: amazon.com/Keep-Your-Jazz-Hand-Strong/dp/B00D01HDRY
iTunes: itunes.apple.com/us/album/keep-your-jazz-hand-strong/id651414720
Spotify: open.spotify.com/album/1GZRna9PjzYC9jkoLybtKi
I'm doing tech support for Mom & Dad
'Cause I'm from the freaking future
Every time I visit them
I have to fix their darn computer
They should have a service plan
But they're too frugal
They think I know my stuff
But I just use google
Seriously, just google the problem and you'll find a solution out there somewhere. But don't go to Yahoo Answers, those people are idiots.
But I really should help Mom because
She helped me with college
And since I have a Lit degree
I have to prove I have some useful knowledge
And it gives me the chance to go in and erase all those
Old embarrassing family photos
You know the ones, where you're naked, taking a bath, in the sink. Try to find it now, I put it in a protected directory and you don't have the right permissions! Ha ha ha ha!
Tech support for Mom & Dad
Whenever I visit them they get glad
'Cause I'm the only geek they had
Tech support for Mom & Dad
Tech support for Mom & Dad
Tech support for Mom & Dad
When you visit your parents do they have a list of computer problems ready for you to solve for them? If so, this song is for you. Recorded at a show at the UCBEast Theater in NYC, the studio version is on my new album Keep Your Jazz Hand Strong, available on Amazon, iTunes, Spotify and more.
Lyrics after the links:
Amazon: amazon.com/Keep-Your-Jazz-Hand-Strong/dp/B00D01HDRY
iTunes: itunes.apple.com/us/album/keep-your-jazz-hand-strong/id651414720
Spotify: open.spotify.com/album/1GZRna9PjzYC9jkoLybtKi
I'm doing tech support for Mom & Dad
'Cause I'm from the freaking future
Every time I visit them
I have to fix their darn computer
They should have a service plan
But they're too frugal
They think I know my stuff
But I just use google
Seriously, just google the problem and you'll find a solution out there somewhere. But don't go to Yahoo Answers, those people are idiots.
But I really should help Mom because
She helped me with college
And since I have a Lit degree
I have to prove I have some useful knowledge
And it gives me the chance to go in and erase all those
Old embarrassing family photos
You know the ones, where you're naked, taking a bath, in the sink. Try to find it now, I put it in a protected directory and you don't have the right permissions! Ha ha ha ha!
Tech support for Mom & Dad
Whenever I visit them they get glad
'Cause I'm the only geek they had
Tech support for Mom & Dad
Tech support for Mom & Dad
Tech support for Mom & Dad
![Particle Board [Lyrics Video]](https://i.ytimg.com/vi/O4si8w8WMFc/mqdefault.jpg "Particle Board [Lyrics Video]
My ode to cheap furniture. This is the album version from 2001’s Living it Down, available in Spotify, iTunes, and others. I also played this song on Comedy Central’s Premium Blend in 2001.
Here are the lyrics:
I took a good look at my life
What I saw I didn’t like
‘cause there was nothing that was built to last
Underneath all the cheap veneers
There’s nothing that can stand the years
It all falls apart so fast
Particle Board,
All the furniture I own is made of particle board
It’s all I can afford, particle board
Particle Board
Is this what I’ve been working my whole life for?
For walls and a door and particle board
I have to live my life alone
‘Cause if I ever bring a woman home
She’ll take one look at my place and any chance is blown
I guess that I’d have to admit
A guy looks like he can’t commit
When a hex wrench can dismantle anything he owns
Particle board
If I ever move I’ll leave it here on the floor
To move would cost more than my particle board
Particle board
My life sucks and it can’t be ignored
All I can afford is particle board
I tried to live my life without things to tie me down
That’s why I only buy crap I won’t miss if I skip town
But now I see that I can’t live my life like this forever
I’d like to own some furniture I don’t have to put together
Solo
I took a good look at my life, what I saw I didn’t like
It made me want to run away and hide
Just one look around my home shows that everything I own
Is all leaning to one side
Particle Board,
All the furniture I own is made of particle board
It’s all I can afford, particle board
Particle board
My life sucks and it can’t be ignored
All I can afford is particle board
Particle Board
Is this what I’ve been working my whole life for?
For walls and a door and particle board
Particle Board,
All the furniture I own is made of particle board
It’s all I can afford, particle board")
![Boaty McBoatface Saturday Morning Cartoon Theme Song [52 Sellout Week 17]](https://i.ytimg.com/vi/O5Q6z7B-jSo/mqdefault.jpg "Boaty McBoatface Saturday Morning Cartoon Theme Song [52 Sellout Week 17]
“Boaty McBoatface” may not be a good name for a research vessel but it’s a GREAT name for a Saturday morning cartoon and I humbly offer this theme song.
As you may know the NERC in the U.K. conducted an online poll to name the new research ship it was building and the internet overwhelmingly voted for the name “Boaty McBoatface.” The powers that be played down the hoopla saying that the online poll was only meant to SUGGEST a name, so it seems the internet’s preferred monicker won’t stick.
But that doesn’t mean it won’t make for a good Saturday morning cartoon show! It can teach kids about science! And be less annoying than Dora the Explorer!
Having grown up on classic Saturday morning cartoon fare I thoroughly enjoyed working on the music for this piece and tried to pack as much fun and energy into 1 minute and 12 seconds as I could. Enjoy!")
![Vaguebooking! [52 Sellout Week 42]](https://i.ytimg.com/vi/OVpYj0GSVas/mqdefault.jpg "Vaguebooking! [52 Sellout Week 42]
Need attention but dont want to deal with any messy explanations? Try vaguebooking! The best way to force your friends to be on your side, without them knowing what side that is!
Lyrics:
Feeling lonely and you need some attention
Things are going on that you dont want to mention
Cause if you give details your friends may dismiss it
So its best not to be too explicit
Vaguebooking, you dont say a lot
Your friends dont know if youre dying or not
Vaguebooking when you hit post
You want to see who loves you the most
Today I really need good vibes
Bad news, or do you just feel fat?
Or maybe something good happened and you want credit
But youd look like a jerk if you came out and said it
Your need for likes is getting obsessive
And making you so passive aggressive
I just proved that Im great! lol!
Vaguebooking youre bragging again
You even went so far as to start tagging your friends
Vaguebooking when you hit post
You want to see who loves you the most
Vaguebooking
After today I just think its wrong to kidnap people.
What do you mean AFTER TODAY?!?!
Vaguebooking
Just signed on the dotted line for something amazing!
A house? A car? PAROLE?
Vaguebooking
Sometimes people die.
Oh my gosh, are you at a funeral? Suicidal? Or just stating the human condition?
Vaguebooking
The cop emoji?! What the hell does that mean?")
![Think Piece [52 Sellout Week 51]](https://i.ytimg.com/vi/Oqsw6JLvJzw/mqdefault.jpg "Think Piece [52 Sellout Week 51]
Need to spew thoughts too deep for a tweet or a facebook post? Then you need to write a think piece! The Society for a Whatever Life encourages you to write think pieces that we’ll totally get around to reading, you know, when things aren’t so crazy!
Lyrics to the song:
The world to you has proven bat-poop crazy
Every day youre amazed its like the universe is hazing you
And most of the ways to express your rage
Boil down to posting B.S. on your facebook page
But posts are too short, they fly by in your feed
You gotta slow the speed when you deliver a screed
You need a full-on essay, esé, whatcha say?
For you what you got to say theres only one way
You need piece to put on Medium(.com)
Theyre fun to write, not always fun reading em
Line up the dead horses, its time to start beating em
Cause you need a think piece to put on Medium(.com)
Thoughts on the election? Put it in a think piece!
Dont like One Direction? Put it in a think piece!
Ya like guns for home protection? Put it in a think piece!
Having a bout of introspection? Put it in a think piece!
Think piece!
Think piece!
You spend hours staring at your feet
With thoughts too deep to tweet, you need to be complete
So treat this piece like your magnum opus
the best way to cope with a world that feels hopeless
Its not really teaching, more like street preaching
You could text more people than this piece will be reaching
But its not about fame or trying to go viral
Its about breaking out of your depression spiral
So write a think piece! And put it online
This piece of your minds the only peace you can find
Its no solution, just a fun ax you can grind
When you write a think piece and put it online
Thoughts about Obama? Put it in a think piece!
Jokes about your momma? Put it in a think piece!
You like Futurama? Put it in a think piece!
Complain about some drama? Put it in a think piece!
Put it in a think piece!
Put it in a think piece!
Put it in a think piece!")
![Fix an Inkjet with a hammer! [52 Sellout Week 15]](https://i.ytimg.com/vi/OvZgHWjVN5U/mqdefault.jpg "Fix an Inkjet with a hammer! [52 Sellout Week 15]
The inkjet hammer will eliminate your need to buy those expensive ink cartridges for your printer. And like every classic “As Seen on TV” commercial, if you call in the next 10 minutes we’ll double your order!")
