Uploaded July 2020 | Updated September 2026, 6 minutes ago
Part 1—Pam, a mother of four, talks about her marriage to a man who was arrested and incarcerated for sharing child porn online just 5 months after their wedding. Due to his computer skills, she had no idea of his criminal behavior, even though they shared the same computer. In fact, she never caught him, not even once during their long marriage. Find out how law enforcement arrested and convicted him. She also talks about how her children interact with a father who has been on the sex offender registry or incarcerated for many years.
Part 2—Pam talks about a wide variety of topics: finding self-respect, talking with her kids, facing anger, fear, single parenting, forgiveness, friendships, helpful (and non-helpful) pastors, and the power of denial in these situations.
She discusses the social and religious influences that made her stay after that arrest, and why she finally left. It’s important to understand the dynamic because many Christians, including women from good homes like Pam was, accidentally marry pedophiles. Pam’s husband was charming and a convincing liar.
As you watch this, ask yourself what messages kept her in the relationship so long:
1) Her beliefs about marriage. That ALL marriages are forever. (Prior to her own divorce, she viewed divorcees as people who simply didn’t have the commitment to go the distance like everyone else.)
2) Mind-games: Her husband lied and assured Pam the police had made a mistake. But his actions did not match his words. He continued to share child porn, solicit adult women online, and had an affair.
3) Spiritual abuse: He demanded Pam's forgiveness and reconciliation, saying she wasn’t a Christian if she didn’t.
4) Manipulation/Guilt: Pam’s husband said, “I forgive you, so you must forgive me.”
5) Fear-bombing messages: Pam's fears that her life would be miserable if she divorced and she couldn’t be a single parent.
6) Pastoral myths: Pam's pastor visited her husband in prison told her that her husband was a changed man and urged her to reconcile.
7) Social myths: Child porn is a victimless crime, and that pedophilia can be cured, and that this is merely a "sexual problem." (Pam knows better now).
8) Silence from her pastor on the topic of divorce: Pam assumed he did not condone divorce in these cases.
Pam Gives Advice To Pastors:
• Suggested wording for pastors counseling people in these situations. 31:15.
• Pam’s message to pastors. 33:17
For further information on pedophiles in the church: Follow experts
• Dr. Anna Salter annasalter.com
• Pastor Jimmy Hinton jimmyhinton.org/blog
No academic literature indicates that pedophilia goes away:
1) Justin Lehmiller, “Pedophiles Can’t Be ‘Cured’ and It’s Dangerous to Suggest They Can,” Vice
(1/25/19,) accessed 8/20/19, vice.com/en_us/article/mbzj5q/pedophiles-cant-be-curedand-its-dangerous-to-suggest-they-can.
2) A. Mokros and E. Habermeyer, “Regression to the Mean Mimicking Changes in Sexual Arousal to Child Stimuli in Pedophiles,” Arch Sex Behav 45, no. 7 (10/16): 1863-7, accessed 08/20/19, https://
ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/26585168.
3) Michael Neuman “Pedophilia: An Overview,” Science Direct (2015), accessed 7/9/2019, https://
sciencedirect.com/topics/medicine-and-dentistry/pedophilia.
-----
ABOUT
Gretchen Baskerville is a Christian divorce recovery leader and researcher. For more than 20 years, she has worked with Christian women and men going through difficult, life-saving divorces, listening with compassion to those who have suffered from domestic violence, betrayal, infidelity, and emotional abuse. She helps heartbroken people find strength and courage and healing.
Her book, "The Life-Saving Divorce" is about the 40% of divorces that are for very serious reasons. She will give you optimism about your children's future (nearly 8 in 10 children turn out fine after divorce, according to top researchers); and will help you understand emotional abuse, "gaslighting," and the abuse cycle.
What's a Life-Saving Divorce? A Life-Saving Divorce is a divorce for the serious reasons: a pattern of chronic emotional abuse, infidelity, domestic violence, sexual immorality, felony behavior, neglect, substance abuse, etc.
How to Get the Book, "The Life-Saving Divorce: Hope for People Leaving Destructive Relationships"
Amazon: amzn.to/3CCBsnr As an Amazon Associate I earn from qualifying purchases.
Follow Gretchen Baskerville:
Subscribe to Gretchen's You Tube channel: youtube.com/channel/UCRgtUNfTlYIRDt8iOK6XPKQ
Facebook: facebook.com/gretchen.baskerville
Twitter: twitter.com/GGBaskerville
Other helpful links:
Blog: LifeSavingDivorce.com
Divorce Story Interviews: LifeSavingDivorce.com/interviews
Email Signup: LifeSavingDivorce.com/courage
Part 1—Pam, a mother of four, talks about her marriage to a man who was arrested and incarcerated for sharing child porn online just 5 months after their wedding. Due to his computer skills, she had no idea of his criminal behavior, even though they shared the same computer. In fact, she never caught him, not even once during their long marriage. Find out how law enforcement arrested and convicted him. She also talks about how her children interact with a father who has been on the sex offender registry or incarcerated for many years.
Part 2—Pam talks about a wide variety of topics: finding self-respect, talking with her kids, facing anger, fear, single parenting, forgiveness, friendships, helpful (and non-helpful) pastors, and the power of denial in these situations.
She discusses the social and religious influences that made her stay after that arrest, and why she finally left. It’s important to understand the dynamic because many Christians, including women from good homes like Pam was, accidentally marry pedophiles. Pam’s husband was charming and a convincing liar.
As you watch this, ask yourself what messages kept her in the relationship so long:
1) Her beliefs about marriage. That ALL marriages are forever. (Prior to her own divorce, she viewed divorcees as people who simply didn’t have the commitment to go the distance like everyone else.)
2) Mind-games: Her husband lied and assured Pam the police had made a mistake. But his actions did not match his words. He continued to share child porn, solicit adult women online, and had an affair.
3) Spiritual abuse: He demanded Pam's forgiveness and reconciliation, saying she wasn’t a Christian if she didn’t.
4) Manipulation/Guilt: Pam’s husband said, “I forgive you, so you must forgive me.”
5) Fear-bombing messages: Pam's fears that her life would be miserable if she divorced and she couldn’t be a single parent.
6) Pastoral myths: Pam's pastor visited her husband in prison told her that her husband was a changed man and urged her to reconcile.
7) Social myths: Child porn is a victimless crime, and that pedophilia can be cured, and that this is merely a "sexual problem." (Pam knows better now).
8) Silence from her pastor on the topic of divorce: Pam assumed he did not condone divorce in these cases.
Pam Gives Advice To Pastors:
• Suggested wording for pastors counseling people in these situations. 31:15.
• Pam’s message to pastors. 33:17
For further information on pedophiles in the church: Follow experts
• Dr. Anna Salter annasalter.com
• Pastor Jimmy Hinton jimmyhinton.org/blog
No academic literature indicates that pedophilia goes away:
1) Justin Lehmiller, “Pedophiles Can’t Be ‘Cured’ and It’s Dangerous to Suggest They Can,” Vice
(1/25/19,) accessed 8/20/19, vice.com/en_us/article/mbzj5q/pedophiles-cant-be-curedand-its-dangerous-to-suggest-they-can.
2) A. Mokros and E. Habermeyer, “Regression to the Mean Mimicking Changes in Sexual Arousal to Child Stimuli in Pedophiles,” Arch Sex Behav 45, no. 7 (10/16): 1863-7, accessed 08/20/19, https://
ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/26585168.
3) Michael Neuman “Pedophilia: An Overview,” Science Direct (2015), accessed 7/9/2019, https://
sciencedirect.com/topics/medicine-and-dentistry/pedophilia.
-----
ABOUT
Gretchen Baskerville is a Christian divorce recovery leader and researcher. For more than 20 years, she has worked with Christian women and men going through difficult, life-saving divorces, listening with compassion to those who have suffered from domestic violence, betrayal, infidelity, and emotional abuse. She helps heartbroken people find strength and courage and healing.
Her book, "The Life-Saving Divorce" is about the 40% of divorces that are for very serious reasons. She will give you optimism about your children's future (nearly 8 in 10 children turn out fine after divorce, according to top researchers); and will help you understand emotional abuse, "gaslighting," and the abuse cycle.
What's a Life-Saving Divorce? A Life-Saving Divorce is a divorce for the serious reasons: a pattern of chronic emotional abuse, infidelity, domestic violence, sexual immorality, felony behavior, neglect, substance abuse, etc.
How to Get the Book, "The Life-Saving Divorce: Hope for People Leaving Destructive Relationships"
Amazon: amzn.to/3CCBsnr As an Amazon Associate I earn from qualifying purchases.
Follow Gretchen Baskerville:
Subscribe to Gretchen's You Tube channel: youtube.com/channel/UCRgtUNfTlYIRDt8iOK6XPKQ
Facebook: facebook.com/gretchen.baskerville
Twitter: twitter.com/GGBaskerville
Other helpful links:
Blog: LifeSavingDivorce.com
Divorce Story Interviews: LifeSavingDivorce.com/interviews
Email Signup: LifeSavingDivorce.com/courage
