Uploaded January 2026 | Updated September 2026, 38 minutes ago
Is it her anger issues? Or is it the way they communicate? When a couple has a villain-victim narrative where one person is always perfect and the other is always wrong, it's helpful to dig deeper.
This is a classic session of Where Should We Begin? Barely a year into marriage, they're trapped in a cycle of explosive conflict. She can do no right, and he can do no wrong.
Chapters
00:38 How Do Our Backgrounds Shape the Way We Love?
01:20 What Happens When Communication Breaks Down?
02:47 What Lies Beneath the Surface of This Conflict?
04:07 Are We Repeating the Same Fight Again and Again?
06:11 Why Do Certain Moments Trigger Such Strong Reactions?
10:39 Which Cultural Scripts Are We Acting Out?
14:28 When Conflict Turns Into Emotional Exhaustion
18:50 Can Anger and Forgiveness Coexist?
19:14 Why Does Criticism Feel So Hard to Hear?
20:46 How Do We Balance Expectations Without Losing Ourselves?
23:23 When Does Pride Get in the Way of Repair?
24:13 What Does Real Empathy Sound Like?
29:19 Is This Gaslighting or Emotional Misattunement?
31:37 What Does Validation Actually Look Like?
37:15 Where Do They Go From Here?
About Where Should We Begin?:
Every Monday morning, step into the office of iconic psychotherapist Esther Perel and listen in as real people in search of insight bare the raw, intimate, and profound details of their stories. From breakups and open relationships to workplace conflicts and fractures in the family, it’s a place to hear our own stories reflected in the lives of others.
About Esther Perel:
Psychotherapist, relationship expert, and New York Times bestselling author Esther Perel is recognized as one of today’s most insightful and original voices on modern relationships. Fluent in nine languages, she helms a therapy practice in New York City and serves as an organizational consultant for Fortune 500 companies around the world. Her celebrated TED Talks have garnered more than 40 million views and her bestselling books, Mating in Captivity and The State of Affairs, are global phenomena translated into more than 30 languages. Esther is also the host of the hit podcast Where Should We Begin? which is available on Apple Podcasts. Learn more at estherperel.com/?utm_source=YouTube&utm_medium=YouTube&utm_campaign=podcast&utm_content=live%20with%20a%20saint, by following @EstherPerelOfficial on Instagram, or by joining my Substack community Entre Nous at estherperel.substack.com/?utm_source=YouTube&utm_medium=YouTube&utm_campaign=podcast&utm_content=live%20with%20a%20saint for bonus content.
Is it her anger issues? Or is it the way they communicate? When a couple has a villain-victim narrative where one person is always perfect and the other is always wrong, it's helpful to dig deeper.
This is a classic session of Where Should We Begin? Barely a year into marriage, they're trapped in a cycle of explosive conflict. She can do no right, and he can do no wrong.
Chapters
00:38 How Do Our Backgrounds Shape the Way We Love?
01:20 What Happens When Communication Breaks Down?
02:47 What Lies Beneath the Surface of This Conflict?
04:07 Are We Repeating the Same Fight Again and Again?
06:11 Why Do Certain Moments Trigger Such Strong Reactions?
10:39 Which Cultural Scripts Are We Acting Out?
14:28 When Conflict Turns Into Emotional Exhaustion
18:50 Can Anger and Forgiveness Coexist?
19:14 Why Does Criticism Feel So Hard to Hear?
20:46 How Do We Balance Expectations Without Losing Ourselves?
23:23 When Does Pride Get in the Way of Repair?
24:13 What Does Real Empathy Sound Like?
29:19 Is This Gaslighting or Emotional Misattunement?
31:37 What Does Validation Actually Look Like?
37:15 Where Do They Go From Here?
About Where Should We Begin?:
Every Monday morning, step into the office of iconic psychotherapist Esther Perel and listen in as real people in search of insight bare the raw, intimate, and profound details of their stories. From breakups and open relationships to workplace conflicts and fractures in the family, it’s a place to hear our own stories reflected in the lives of others.
About Esther Perel:
Psychotherapist, relationship expert, and New York Times bestselling author Esther Perel is recognized as one of today’s most insightful and original voices on modern relationships. Fluent in nine languages, she helms a therapy practice in New York City and serves as an organizational consultant for Fortune 500 companies around the world. Her celebrated TED Talks have garnered more than 40 million views and her bestselling books, Mating in Captivity and The State of Affairs, are global phenomena translated into more than 30 languages. Esther is also the host of the hit podcast Where Should We Begin? which is available on Apple Podcasts. Learn more at estherperel.com/?utm_source=YouTube&utm_medium=YouTube&utm_campaign=podcast&utm_content=live%20with%20a%20saint, by following @EstherPerelOfficial on Instagram, or by joining my Substack community Entre Nous at estherperel.substack.com/?utm_source=YouTube&utm_medium=YouTube&utm_campaign=podcast&utm_content=live%20with%20a%20saint for bonus content.
