Uploaded June 2020 | Updated September 2026, 17 hours ago
Question: Is Marriage an Unconditional Covenant?
Is marriage an *unconditional* covenant because God never breaks his promises? We, as people of faith, are held to a high standard. We believe that our "yes," is to mean "yes." And our "no," is to mean "no." (See the printed version of this: lifesavingdivorce.com/unconditional-2/)
We want to be people of our word. But what about situations where our marriage has a pattern of sexual immorality, adultery, domestic violence, emotional abuse, severe addictions, or neglect? Are we obligated to stay as a way to show our devotion to God? Have we made an unconditional covenant to our spouse?
And we’ve been taught that God’s ideal is that marriage be lifelong, undefiled, and loving. So, does this mean we cannot divorce, even when there is a pattern of adultery, sexual immorality, domestic violence, emotional abuse, severe addictions, or neglect? Must we stay “until death do us part”?
Is that marriage covenant unbreakable and unconditional?
In the Bible, God makes two types of covenants: conditional covenants and unconditional covenants.
Conditional covenants are like today’s business agreements: Each party agrees to do or provide something valuable to the other. If one party fails to do it, the contract is broken. The other party no longer has to perform their end of the agreement, and there are penalties.
Think of an apartment rental agreement. The tenant vows to pay the rent and leave the place in good shape; the landlord vows to keep the dwelling safe. No one would expect the landlord to provide shelter forever if the tenant refused to pay. And if the tenant tears the bathroom sink out of the wall, the landlord will go after them in court for restitution and penalties.
In contrast, unconditional covenants are agreements that are one-sided and cannot be broken.
In my opinion, only God can enter an unconditional agreement, because only God is capable of fulfilling such an agreement, as only God cannot fail and cannot sin. He also cannot be injured by sinful human behavior.
IN THE OLD TESTAMENT, GOD MADE SEVEN COVENANTS.
• —Five were unconditional. God was going to hold up his end, his promises, whether the Children of Israel cooperated or not.
• —Two were conditional covenants. We find the first one in Genesis 17: It is the covenant God made with Abram— where God made a commitment of land to him; and Abram promised to keep the sign of the covenant. The second conditional covenant is in Exodus 19-24. Where God promised to make Israel his people; but the condition was that the people were required to obey fully and keep the covenant. (We see later, in Jeremiah 3:8, that God divorced Israel for not keeping its side of the covenant and following false gods. Can any of us blame God?)
So what about marriage? Well, marriage is a conditional covenant. It requires promises in the form of vows that promise to love, care, and nurture. I realize that people today make all kinds of flowery homemade vows. But biblical vows are based on Exodus 21:10-11 (which promises food, clothing, love) and those three items are reiterated in Ephesians 5:28-29 (which talks about the married person’s obligation to nourish, care for, and love their spouse) and in 1 Corinthians 7 (which talks about material provision and intimacy). The concept of faithfulness, “forsaking all others” was added by Jesus’ words. (And by the way, it’s important to note that the vow for the woman to “obey” the husband is not a New Testament or Jewish vow. It is a Roman addition and is not often used anymore.)
The marriage covenant is broken if the vows are broken on either side. The other party can choose to keep trying, but they are permitted to declare that the covenant is ended. If you’re in a marriage with a pattern of adultery, sexual immorality, domestic violence, emotional abuse, severe addictions, or neglect, your spouse has already broken the marriage covenant. And you are free to choose to remain or to leave, without anyone judging you.
You can love God and get a divorce. And God will still love you. Really!
----
A Life-Saving Divorce is a divorce for the serious reasons: a pattern of chronic emotional abuse, infidelity, domestic violence, sexual immorality, felony behavior, neglect, substance abuse, etc.
How to Get the Book, "The Life-Saving Divorce: Hope for People Leaving Destructive Relationships"
Paperback Book/Kindle via Amazon: amzn.to/3CCBsnr As an Amazon Associate I earn from qualifying purchases.
Follow Gretchen Baskerville:
Facebook: facebook.com/gretchen.baskerville
Twitter: twitter.com/GGBaskerville
Instagram: instagram.com/gretchenbaskerville
Other helpful links
Website and Blog: LifeSavingDivorce.com
Divorce Story Interviews: LifeSavingDivorce.com/interviews
Life-Saving Divorce Email Signup: LifeSavingDivorce.com/courage
Question: Is Marriage an Unconditional Covenant?
Is marriage an *unconditional* covenant because God never breaks his promises? We, as people of faith, are held to a high standard. We believe that our "yes," is to mean "yes." And our "no," is to mean "no." (See the printed version of this: lifesavingdivorce.com/unconditional-2/)
We want to be people of our word. But what about situations where our marriage has a pattern of sexual immorality, adultery, domestic violence, emotional abuse, severe addictions, or neglect? Are we obligated to stay as a way to show our devotion to God? Have we made an unconditional covenant to our spouse?
And we’ve been taught that God’s ideal is that marriage be lifelong, undefiled, and loving. So, does this mean we cannot divorce, even when there is a pattern of adultery, sexual immorality, domestic violence, emotional abuse, severe addictions, or neglect? Must we stay “until death do us part”?
Is that marriage covenant unbreakable and unconditional?
In the Bible, God makes two types of covenants: conditional covenants and unconditional covenants.
Conditional covenants are like today’s business agreements: Each party agrees to do or provide something valuable to the other. If one party fails to do it, the contract is broken. The other party no longer has to perform their end of the agreement, and there are penalties.
Think of an apartment rental agreement. The tenant vows to pay the rent and leave the place in good shape; the landlord vows to keep the dwelling safe. No one would expect the landlord to provide shelter forever if the tenant refused to pay. And if the tenant tears the bathroom sink out of the wall, the landlord will go after them in court for restitution and penalties.
In contrast, unconditional covenants are agreements that are one-sided and cannot be broken.
In my opinion, only God can enter an unconditional agreement, because only God is capable of fulfilling such an agreement, as only God cannot fail and cannot sin. He also cannot be injured by sinful human behavior.
IN THE OLD TESTAMENT, GOD MADE SEVEN COVENANTS.
• —Five were unconditional. God was going to hold up his end, his promises, whether the Children of Israel cooperated or not.
• —Two were conditional covenants. We find the first one in Genesis 17: It is the covenant God made with Abram— where God made a commitment of land to him; and Abram promised to keep the sign of the covenant. The second conditional covenant is in Exodus 19-24. Where God promised to make Israel his people; but the condition was that the people were required to obey fully and keep the covenant. (We see later, in Jeremiah 3:8, that God divorced Israel for not keeping its side of the covenant and following false gods. Can any of us blame God?)
So what about marriage? Well, marriage is a conditional covenant. It requires promises in the form of vows that promise to love, care, and nurture. I realize that people today make all kinds of flowery homemade vows. But biblical vows are based on Exodus 21:10-11 (which promises food, clothing, love) and those three items are reiterated in Ephesians 5:28-29 (which talks about the married person’s obligation to nourish, care for, and love their spouse) and in 1 Corinthians 7 (which talks about material provision and intimacy). The concept of faithfulness, “forsaking all others” was added by Jesus’ words. (And by the way, it’s important to note that the vow for the woman to “obey” the husband is not a New Testament or Jewish vow. It is a Roman addition and is not often used anymore.)
The marriage covenant is broken if the vows are broken on either side. The other party can choose to keep trying, but they are permitted to declare that the covenant is ended. If you’re in a marriage with a pattern of adultery, sexual immorality, domestic violence, emotional abuse, severe addictions, or neglect, your spouse has already broken the marriage covenant. And you are free to choose to remain or to leave, without anyone judging you.
You can love God and get a divorce. And God will still love you. Really!
----
A Life-Saving Divorce is a divorce for the serious reasons: a pattern of chronic emotional abuse, infidelity, domestic violence, sexual immorality, felony behavior, neglect, substance abuse, etc.
How to Get the Book, "The Life-Saving Divorce: Hope for People Leaving Destructive Relationships"
Paperback Book/Kindle via Amazon: amzn.to/3CCBsnr As an Amazon Associate I earn from qualifying purchases.
Follow Gretchen Baskerville:
Facebook: facebook.com/gretchen.baskerville
Twitter: twitter.com/GGBaskerville
Instagram: instagram.com/gretchenbaskerville
Other helpful links
Website and Blog: LifeSavingDivorce.com
Divorce Story Interviews: LifeSavingDivorce.com/interviews
Life-Saving Divorce Email Signup: LifeSavingDivorce.com/courage
