Uploaded September 2021 | Updated September 2026, 4 hours ago
Cindy Burrell is the author of the book, “Why Is He So Mean to Me?” and a writer on the topic of emotional abuse. She’s a mother of four. A survivor of a 20-year abusive marriage to a Christian man who memorized Scripture and taught on marriage topics at church, Cindy tells how she finally felt the Lord releasing her from the marriage.
She talks about recovering and rebuilding her life, and her children's life.
Cindy eventually started dating again. She discusses boundaries while doing online dating, and how she met her new husband 15 years ago. She calls him the “love of my life.”
She tells about how counselors and therapists can do a better job at identifying abuse and helping their clients.
02:25 – Examples of types of emotional abuse
04:00 – The tipping point: How the Spirit told her that living like this was insane.
05:00 – How well-meaning therapists and pastors accidentally pressure the victim and side with the abuser
08:00 – 1 Peter 3 requires husbands to be understanding and to give respectful treatment to their wives.
09:21 – How desperation drove her to divorce.
09:55 – God made a path to freedom, but she was still afraid of the future.
10:45 – Rebuilding your life is a walk of faith. Watch and see how God provides. A good counselor who understands abuse is beneficial.
12:15 - Getting past a negative view of men.
13:15 – Online dating disasters—and success
16:00 – Setting boundaries when doing online dating
18:00 – Meeting her husband online.
20:00 – Do you have too much baggage to remarry?
23:40 – Why do counselors miss signs of abuse?
25:00 – How abusers deceive us. What happens when words, actions, and attitudes don’t line up?
26:00 – How abusers blame you for their marriage-destroying sin.
30:10 – Examine the fruit of the abuser: are they bringing love, joy, peace, patience, etc., to your marriage?
31:00 – “Holiness over happiness” messages trap abuse victims in unsafe situations.
32:00 – How life-saving divorces make your home MORE holy, not LESS holy.
36:16 – We want to break the cycle.
37:50 – Your children decide to either become predators or prey.
38:56 – Dealing with regrets that you failed to protect your children, and didn’t get them out sooner.
43:30 – Description of Cindy’s books and website HurtByLove.com
45:10 – Praying to the Lord for clarity.
45:45 – When an abuser abuses, they’ve broken their vows.
47:00 – It’s dangerous to do marriage therapy or couples counseling with an abuser in the room. lifesavingdivorce.com/couplescounseling
49:30 – Abusers are charming and skillful at deceiving the counselor.
50:00 – Counselors have a duty to warn if their clients are marrying someone with an issue known to have poor treatment outcomes: pedophiles, abusers, serial adulterers, etc.
CONTACT: cindyburrell@hurtbylove.com
ABOUT
Gretchen Baskerville is a Christian divorce recovery leader and researcher. For more than 20 years, she has worked with Christian women and men going through difficult, life-saving divorces, listening with compassion to those who have suffered from domestic violence, betrayal, infidelity, and emotional abuse. She helps heartbroken people find strength and courage and healing.
Her book, "The Life-Saving Divorce" is about the one-half of U.S. divorces that are for very serious reasons. She will give you optimism about your children's future (nearly 8 in 10 children turn out fine after divorce, according to top researchers); and will help you understand emotional abuse, "gaslighting," the abuse cycle, and tips for surviving high-conflict divorces.
For examples of emotional abuse, read Chapter 4 in The Life-Saving Divorce book.
What's a Life-Saving Divorce? A Life-Saving Divorce is a divorce for the serious reasons: a pattern of sexual immorality, physical abuse, chronic emotional abuse, domestic violence, felony behavior, life-destroying addictions, or abandonment/neglect.
Book, "The Life-Saving Divorce: Hope for People Leaving Destructive Relationships"
Paperback or eBook: amzn.to/3CCBsnr AUDIOBOOK: amzn.to/4f52Mh4
As an Amazon Associate I earn from qualifying purchases.
Follow Gretchen Baskerville:
Subscribe to Gretchen's You Tube channel: youtube.com/channel/UCRgtUNfTlYIRDt8iOK6XPKQ
Facebook: facebook.com/gretchen.baskerville
Twitter: twitter.com/GGBaskerville
Instagram: instagram.com/gretchenbaskerville
Other helpful links
Website and Blog: LifeSavingDivorce.com
Top 50 Blog Posts by Topic: lifesavingdivorce.com/popular
Life-Saving Divorce Email Signup: LifeSavingDivorce.com/courage
Cindy Burrell is the author of the book, “Why Is He So Mean to Me?” and a writer on the topic of emotional abuse. She’s a mother of four. A survivor of a 20-year abusive marriage to a Christian man who memorized Scripture and taught on marriage topics at church, Cindy tells how she finally felt the Lord releasing her from the marriage.
She talks about recovering and rebuilding her life, and her children's life.
Cindy eventually started dating again. She discusses boundaries while doing online dating, and how she met her new husband 15 years ago. She calls him the “love of my life.”
She tells about how counselors and therapists can do a better job at identifying abuse and helping their clients.
02:25 – Examples of types of emotional abuse
04:00 – The tipping point: How the Spirit told her that living like this was insane.
05:00 – How well-meaning therapists and pastors accidentally pressure the victim and side with the abuser
08:00 – 1 Peter 3 requires husbands to be understanding and to give respectful treatment to their wives.
09:21 – How desperation drove her to divorce.
09:55 – God made a path to freedom, but she was still afraid of the future.
10:45 – Rebuilding your life is a walk of faith. Watch and see how God provides. A good counselor who understands abuse is beneficial.
12:15 - Getting past a negative view of men.
13:15 – Online dating disasters—and success
16:00 – Setting boundaries when doing online dating
18:00 – Meeting her husband online.
20:00 – Do you have too much baggage to remarry?
23:40 – Why do counselors miss signs of abuse?
25:00 – How abusers deceive us. What happens when words, actions, and attitudes don’t line up?
26:00 – How abusers blame you for their marriage-destroying sin.
30:10 – Examine the fruit of the abuser: are they bringing love, joy, peace, patience, etc., to your marriage?
31:00 – “Holiness over happiness” messages trap abuse victims in unsafe situations.
32:00 – How life-saving divorces make your home MORE holy, not LESS holy.
36:16 – We want to break the cycle.
37:50 – Your children decide to either become predators or prey.
38:56 – Dealing with regrets that you failed to protect your children, and didn’t get them out sooner.
43:30 – Description of Cindy’s books and website HurtByLove.com
45:10 – Praying to the Lord for clarity.
45:45 – When an abuser abuses, they’ve broken their vows.
47:00 – It’s dangerous to do marriage therapy or couples counseling with an abuser in the room. lifesavingdivorce.com/couplescounseling
49:30 – Abusers are charming and skillful at deceiving the counselor.
50:00 – Counselors have a duty to warn if their clients are marrying someone with an issue known to have poor treatment outcomes: pedophiles, abusers, serial adulterers, etc.
CONTACT: cindyburrell@hurtbylove.com
ABOUT
Gretchen Baskerville is a Christian divorce recovery leader and researcher. For more than 20 years, she has worked with Christian women and men going through difficult, life-saving divorces, listening with compassion to those who have suffered from domestic violence, betrayal, infidelity, and emotional abuse. She helps heartbroken people find strength and courage and healing.
Her book, "The Life-Saving Divorce" is about the one-half of U.S. divorces that are for very serious reasons. She will give you optimism about your children's future (nearly 8 in 10 children turn out fine after divorce, according to top researchers); and will help you understand emotional abuse, "gaslighting," the abuse cycle, and tips for surviving high-conflict divorces.
For examples of emotional abuse, read Chapter 4 in The Life-Saving Divorce book.
What's a Life-Saving Divorce? A Life-Saving Divorce is a divorce for the serious reasons: a pattern of sexual immorality, physical abuse, chronic emotional abuse, domestic violence, felony behavior, life-destroying addictions, or abandonment/neglect.
Book, "The Life-Saving Divorce: Hope for People Leaving Destructive Relationships"
Paperback or eBook: amzn.to/3CCBsnr AUDIOBOOK: amzn.to/4f52Mh4
As an Amazon Associate I earn from qualifying purchases.
Follow Gretchen Baskerville:
Subscribe to Gretchen's You Tube channel: youtube.com/channel/UCRgtUNfTlYIRDt8iOK6XPKQ
Facebook: facebook.com/gretchen.baskerville
Twitter: twitter.com/GGBaskerville
Instagram: instagram.com/gretchenbaskerville
Other helpful links
Website and Blog: LifeSavingDivorce.com
Top 50 Blog Posts by Topic: lifesavingdivorce.com/popular
Life-Saving Divorce Email Signup: LifeSavingDivorce.com/courage
![Evangelicals Shooting Their Own Wounded Divorcees [UPDATED] | The Life-Saving Divorce](https://i.ytimg.com/vi/r1HVYOi4Jjs/mqdefault.jpg "Evangelicals Shooting Their Own Wounded Divorcees [UPDATED] | The Life-Saving Divorce
As a Christian divorce recovery leader for the past 20 years, I want our churches to be safe place for divorcees, yet often the opposite happens. Divorced Christians, even godly spouses, are judged and treated like quitters who took the easy way out. says Gretchen Baskerville, author of The Life-Saving Divorce.
How many divorced Evangelicals have stopped attending our churches, even though they love the Lord?
See the new data, released in February 2020, in the Christianity Today article, Despite Stigma, More Divorced Evangelicals Are Going to Church, that show that Evangelical churches are not doing a good job. Sure, a large number of divorced Evangelicals attend church frequently. But not nearly the number we would expect.
Gretchen walks you through the graphs, and gives reasons, examples, and explanations for why this is happening...why we are missing perhaps 1 million Evangelical divorcees. At the end she gives tips to pastors and leaders on how to turn this around.
About:
Gretchen Baskerville has been a Christian divorce recovery leader since 1998. Shes listened to women and men going through heartbreaking life-saving divorces. She gives them hope and faith in a God who loves them and their children—and walks beside them to restore the years the locust ate. Shes the author of The Life-Saving Divorce: Hope for People Leaving Destructive Relationships.
What is a Life-Saving Divorce? Nearly half of divorces in the U.S. are for very serious reasons: infidelity, sexual immorality, domestic violence, verbal/emotional abuse, or addictions. These are the Life-Saving Divorces. Many of these divorcees prayed, fasted, tried harder, went to counseling, bought Christian marriage books, forgave 70 times 7, turned the other cheek, and walked the extra mile again and again. As my friend Gina Kaye says, They didnt WANT a divorce, they NEEDED a divorce... to save their life and sanity.
Find out more at http://www.lifesavingdivorce.com/
How to Get the book, The Life-Saving Divorce: Hope for People Leaving Destructive Relationships
Paperback Book/Kindle via Amazon: https://amzn.to/3CCBsnr As an Amazon Associate I earn from qualifying purchases.
Follow Gretchen Baskerville:
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/gretchen.baskerville
Twitter: https://twitter.com/GGBaskerville
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/gretchenbaskerville/
Other helpful links:
Website and Blog: http://www.LifeSavingDivorce.com
Divorce Story Interviews: http://www.LifeSavingDivorce.com/interviews
Life-Saving Divorce Email Signup: http://www.LifeSavingDivorce.com/courage")
