Uploaded August 2026 | Updated September 2026, 2 weeks ago
How to stop being defensive starts with understanding why your brain reacts as if feedback is a threat. If you find yourself getting defensive during difficult conversations, this video will help you recognize the patterns behind defensive behavior and teach you practical tools to respond with curiosity instead of fear.
I'll explain why defensiveness happens, how emotional triggers and childhood experiences shape your reactions, and how to stop being defensive so you can improve communication, strengthen your relationships, and feel more emotionally secure. If you've ever wondered, "Why am I so defensive?" or struggled to accept criticism without taking it personally, this episode is for you.
Get your guide at: terricole.com/7-strategies-to-stop-being-defensive-guide
📚 Too Much Book: hfcbook.com
📩 Newsletter: terricole.com/newsletter
🔑 Ready to build healthier relationships? Join: terricole.com/tcm
Time Stamps
00:00 Why We Become Defensive
01:00 What Defensiveness Really Means
03:00 The Psychology Behind Defensive Reactions
04:10 Signs You're More Defensive Than You Realize
08:00 How Defensiveness Hurts Relationships
10:10 Shift From Reacting to Curiosity
12:00 Understanding Your Defensive Blueprint
14:05 Boundaries, Self-Esteem & Emotional Triggers
15:00 The Three Questions That Create Clarity
16:00 Reframing Feedback as Growth
16:55 Learn to Listen Without Defending Yourself
17:50 Final Thoughts
If You Enjoyed This, Watch These Videos
youtu.be/Ge34zyIhBRI - Stop Being Defensive & Learn to Listen
youtu.be/xpkjFkhK6tg - How to Effectively Communicate During Conflict
youtu.be/2xlMX4yEvLo - Top Ego Defense Mechanisms
youtu.be/kLS-NdgTwu0 - Build Unshakeable Self-Confidence With These 5 Tips
youtu.be/tHYuhxMxR30 - Now is Not Then: Understanding Transference
🪔 Meditate with me: insighttimer.com/terricole
📸 Instagram: terricole.com/ig
About Terri Cole
Terri Cole is a licensed psychotherapist, global relationship and empowerment expert, and the author of Boundary Boss-The Essential Guide to Talk True, Be Seen and (Finally) Live Free, The Boundary Boss Workbook, and Too Much: A Guide to Breaking the Cycle of High-Functioning Codependency.
For over two decades, Terri has worked with a diverse group of clients that includes everyone from stay-at-home moms to celebrities and Fortune 500 CEOs.
She has a gift for making complex psychological concepts accessible and actionable so that clients and students achieve sustainable change. She inspires over a million people weekly through her blog, social media platform, signature courses, and her popular podcast, The Terri Cole Show. For more, see terricole.com
BetterHelp: betterhelp.com/terricole
I’m not currently taking any new one-on-one therapy or coaching clients, but highly recommend using BetterHelp to find a therapist that fits your needs. As a team, we have fully vetted BetterHelp's resources.
terricole.com/gethelp -- If you are in a crisis or any other person may be in danger, the resources on this page can provide you with immediate help.
Please note: If you choose to sign up for BetterHelp or Insight Timer or buy through my Amazon links, I will receive a commission. Please know that I only recommend services and products that I know & trust.
Episode 855
#communicationskills #relationshiptips #effectivecommunication
How to stop being defensive starts with understanding why your brain reacts as if feedback is a threat. If you find yourself getting defensive during difficult conversations, this video will help you recognize the patterns behind defensive behavior and teach you practical tools to respond with curiosity instead of fear.
I'll explain why defensiveness happens, how emotional triggers and childhood experiences shape your reactions, and how to stop being defensive so you can improve communication, strengthen your relationships, and feel more emotionally secure. If you've ever wondered, "Why am I so defensive?" or struggled to accept criticism without taking it personally, this episode is for you.
Get your guide at: terricole.com/7-strategies-to-stop-being-defensive-guide
📚 Too Much Book: hfcbook.com
📩 Newsletter: terricole.com/newsletter
🔑 Ready to build healthier relationships? Join: terricole.com/tcm
Time Stamps
00:00 Why We Become Defensive
01:00 What Defensiveness Really Means
03:00 The Psychology Behind Defensive Reactions
04:10 Signs You're More Defensive Than You Realize
08:00 How Defensiveness Hurts Relationships
10:10 Shift From Reacting to Curiosity
12:00 Understanding Your Defensive Blueprint
14:05 Boundaries, Self-Esteem & Emotional Triggers
15:00 The Three Questions That Create Clarity
16:00 Reframing Feedback as Growth
16:55 Learn to Listen Without Defending Yourself
17:50 Final Thoughts
If You Enjoyed This, Watch These Videos
youtu.be/Ge34zyIhBRI - Stop Being Defensive & Learn to Listen
youtu.be/xpkjFkhK6tg - How to Effectively Communicate During Conflict
youtu.be/2xlMX4yEvLo - Top Ego Defense Mechanisms
youtu.be/kLS-NdgTwu0 - Build Unshakeable Self-Confidence With These 5 Tips
youtu.be/tHYuhxMxR30 - Now is Not Then: Understanding Transference
🪔 Meditate with me: insighttimer.com/terricole
📸 Instagram: terricole.com/ig
About Terri Cole
Terri Cole is a licensed psychotherapist, global relationship and empowerment expert, and the author of Boundary Boss-The Essential Guide to Talk True, Be Seen and (Finally) Live Free, The Boundary Boss Workbook, and Too Much: A Guide to Breaking the Cycle of High-Functioning Codependency.
For over two decades, Terri has worked with a diverse group of clients that includes everyone from stay-at-home moms to celebrities and Fortune 500 CEOs.
She has a gift for making complex psychological concepts accessible and actionable so that clients and students achieve sustainable change. She inspires over a million people weekly through her blog, social media platform, signature courses, and her popular podcast, The Terri Cole Show. For more, see terricole.com
BetterHelp: betterhelp.com/terricole
I’m not currently taking any new one-on-one therapy or coaching clients, but highly recommend using BetterHelp to find a therapist that fits your needs. As a team, we have fully vetted BetterHelp's resources.
terricole.com/gethelp -- If you are in a crisis or any other person may be in danger, the resources on this page can provide you with immediate help.
Please note: If you choose to sign up for BetterHelp or Insight Timer or buy through my Amazon links, I will receive a commission. Please know that I only recommend services and products that I know & trust.
Episode 855
#communicationskills #relationshiptips #effectivecommunication
