Uploaded December 2023 | Updated September 2026, 1 week ago
Recorded live on 01/21/2023 at ANE in Boston. Originally written for Dustcar 12. I have so many happy memories of this song. From writing it, to recording it, to finally preforming it live.
Not far away in a town we all know
A stallion walks slowly, his head hanging low
There's purpose and drive in his eyes as he goes
The wind in his mane and hooves caked in snow
And there in the square of that quaint little town
By the door of town hall is where he hunkers down
He pulls his scarf tighter to fight off the cold
Strums a guitar and carols alone
Happy Hearth's Warming, and if you find time
Give thanks for your blessings, ahead and behind
It isn't a chore or a bore, soon you'll see
Most important of all are the smallest of things
So please, everypony, I beg hear my cry,
Happy Hearth's Warming all, after all, It's Hearth's Warming Time
There's not very much to the song that he sings
It's simple and sadder it should rightfully be
The world turns around him and nopony sees
Past guitar, and scarf, and the things that they need
Sweets and surprises are sold in the stalls
And the stallion has nothing to sell them at all
There's presents to wrap and there's garland to string
Through the din of their thoughts they scarce hear him sing
The streetlights come on and the ornaments glow
Ponies head home to escape from the cold
Hearth's Warming came and joy did abound
To all that did dwell in that quaint little town
But then so much later, the following year
There was somehow in town just a little less cheer
No one could place it, but something was gone
A stallion, a scarf, a guitar and a song
His absence not noticed, but still to this day
What exactly is missing, nopony can say
And there by the door of the sprawling town hall
Past wagons and streetlights and vendors and stalls
The wind blows the snow while nopony sings
Perhaps what is missing is the smallest of things
I'm sure were he there he would say full of cheer
Take stock of the things that you truly hold dear
Happy Hearth's Warming, and if you find the time
Give thanks for your blessings, ahead and behind
It isn't a chore or a bore, soon you'll see
Most important of all are the smallest of things
So please, everypony, I beg hear my cry,
Happy Hearth's Warming all, after all, It's Hearth's Warming Time
Recorded live on 01/21/2023 at ANE in Boston. Originally written for Dustcar 12. I have so many happy memories of this song. From writing it, to recording it, to finally preforming it live.
Not far away in a town we all know
A stallion walks slowly, his head hanging low
There's purpose and drive in his eyes as he goes
The wind in his mane and hooves caked in snow
And there in the square of that quaint little town
By the door of town hall is where he hunkers down
He pulls his scarf tighter to fight off the cold
Strums a guitar and carols alone
Happy Hearth's Warming, and if you find time
Give thanks for your blessings, ahead and behind
It isn't a chore or a bore, soon you'll see
Most important of all are the smallest of things
So please, everypony, I beg hear my cry,
Happy Hearth's Warming all, after all, It's Hearth's Warming Time
There's not very much to the song that he sings
It's simple and sadder it should rightfully be
The world turns around him and nopony sees
Past guitar, and scarf, and the things that they need
Sweets and surprises are sold in the stalls
And the stallion has nothing to sell them at all
There's presents to wrap and there's garland to string
Through the din of their thoughts they scarce hear him sing
The streetlights come on and the ornaments glow
Ponies head home to escape from the cold
Hearth's Warming came and joy did abound
To all that did dwell in that quaint little town
But then so much later, the following year
There was somehow in town just a little less cheer
No one could place it, but something was gone
A stallion, a scarf, a guitar and a song
His absence not noticed, but still to this day
What exactly is missing, nopony can say
And there by the door of the sprawling town hall
Past wagons and streetlights and vendors and stalls
The wind blows the snow while nopony sings
Perhaps what is missing is the smallest of things
I'm sure were he there he would say full of cheer
Take stock of the things that you truly hold dear
Happy Hearth's Warming, and if you find the time
Give thanks for your blessings, ahead and behind
It isn't a chore or a bore, soon you'll see
Most important of all are the smallest of things
So please, everypony, I beg hear my cry,
Happy Hearth's Warming all, after all, It's Hearth's Warming Time
![Sh*tposts, Hand Grenades, and Horseshoes - MLP Music [Explicit Lyrics]](https://i.ytimg.com/vi/HXwtbWYejPc/mqdefault.jpg "Sh*tposts, Hand Grenades, and Horseshoes - MLP Music [Explicit Lyrics]
I, uh, I might have gone a little far on this one. But the topic prompt was The Internet is Scary so....
Available for download here: https://www.mediafire.com/file/s4vtxnvya79jkq3/Shitposts,+Hand+Grenades+and+Horseshoes.wav/file
Thanks, as so often is the case, to ArwenCuack for the wonderful art, this time ponification of an old internet meme image. Find more of her here:
https://twitter.com/ArwenCuack
https://trello.com/b/9sKli91X/arwencuacks-commissions
The internet is scary?
What kind of a topic is that?
The internet isn’t scary.
The real world is scary.
The internet is where the ponies are.
So plug the fuckin modem in,
And load ‘em in
Like bullets in my Colt again.
Hold onto your scrotum;
Hit the road and let the show begin.
Roll it like it’s Roller Coaster Tycoon,
Crying, “I don’t want to go on Mr Bones Wild Ride!”
Go again.
Pull the lever down;
People please the crowd.
We can have another go around;
Princess Pinkie Pie can keep the crown.
I can keep the kilogram of semen;
You can keep it down;
Very hard to jack it while you’re laughing,
Jeezy freaking wow!
Can’t a pervert even jerk in peace now?
Creep around and deep into your DMs,
Sneak into your webcam?
Peepin’ out the lenses while your sleeping
With my peepee out?
Got my Rainbow Dashie mason jar and I drink it down.
In my stinky, musty
Basement with my minky plushy
Ponka Po with Pinkie pussy;
Teeny tiny weenie bustin’
Isn’t even interestin’
Thinking, “He’s just so disgusting,”
Talking to my daki while I’m boppin’
Call it my dis-cushion.
Hoppin’ on the intertubes just to make a shitpost.
Hand grenades and horseshoes, so I ain’t gotta get close.
Cloppin’ to a two dimension bitch and switch hoes.
Sparky Sparkeroni plus your waifu is a spitroast.
You might say I’m knuckle dragging; I know I’m a tip toe.
Tipping topping everything; well you know how that this goes.
I’ma scribble this prose; T pose in drip clothes;
Booping every snootle; bitches say that Nonny gets nose.
Mission after mission
On the internet, call it my E-mission
Bet that it be kissin’ mares and making
Erry single pony wet,
And every single person on the board
Just a little more annoyed
Than they were before I
Called their wife a silly whore.
Ordinary morning on the forum,
It’s a war zone:
Ayylmaoes and dougshit
Interspersed with pornos.
Gee Percenters thirsty for the
Spider legs and dog thots.
Season one purists
On a soapbox selling hog wash.
I can start a fist fight right now, here and now,
Just by posting Trixie and a trans flag. Gay pow’!
But with great pow’ comes a great responsibility
This ability to incite a hate crowd.
I ain’t even gotta believe the shit I’m posting
To leave the bitches choking on my
Creamy, memey weeby weenie.
Maybe I’m just coping, just to cover up
The openness.
If I make enough jokes
No one knows what’s serious.
Seriously friends I’m just dumb as fuck and depressed.
Roflcopter. I’m just joshing; don’t believe what he says.
Mommy says I’m very clever, she thinks I’m a genius.
I don’t think she knows what a year of whiskey drinks did.
Hoppin’ on the intertubes just to make a shitpost.
Hand grenades and horseshoes, so I ain’t gotta get close.
Cloppin’ to a juicy two dimension bitch and switch hoes.
Sparky Sparkeroni plus your waifu is a spitroast.
You might say I’m knuckle dragging; I know I’m a tip toe.
Tipping topping everything; well you know how that this goes.
I’ma scribble this prose; T pose in drip clothes;
Booping every snootle; bitches say that Nonny gets nose.
So dial up the broadband,
Gosh damn,
Logging on to cock spam.
Adblockin’ bots, while
I’m rubbing on my sock hand.
Watch me while I dodge bans,
Running from the cops, and
Long as I’m anonymous
I’ma fuckin’ bomb vans.
Kickin’ on the Crocs
Sweatpants and the top hat.
Damn looking hot: flat butt,
And I got fat.
Walk that line, and I dunno
When to stop that.
Typing while I’m fighting, gloved up
Like I’m Strong Bad.
Hoppin’ on the intertubes just to make a shitpost.
Hand grenades and horseshoes, so I ain’t gotta get close.
Cloppin’ to a juicy two dimension bitch and switch hoes.
Sparky Sparkeroni plus your waifu is a spitroast.
You might say I’m knuckle dragging; I know I’m a tip toe.
Tipping topping everything; well you know how that this goes.
I’ma scribble this prose; T pose in drip clothes;
Booping every snootle; bitches say that Nonny gets nose.
Hoppin’ on the intertubes just to make a shitpost.
Hand grenades and horseshoes, so I ain’t gotta get close.
Cloppin’ to a juicy two dimension bitch and switch hoes.
Sparky Sparkeroni plus your waifu is a spitroast.
You might say I’m knuckle dragging; I know I’m a tip toe.
Tipping topping everything; well you know how that this goes.
I’ma scribble this prose; T pose in drip clothes;
Booping every snootle; bitches say that Nonny gets nose.")
