Uploaded April 2026 | Updated September 2026, 3 hours ago

---

Song called “Baby in a Bar” that’s about… a baby in a bar. When your neighborhood is gentrifying and the newly-married professionals move in, sometimes they bring their babies to a happy hour at the local watering hole. I get it, I guess.

From a Friday night set at The Lincoln Lodge in Chicago, IL

Lyrics:
I'm a baby in a bar
Everything is so big
Daddy's drinking a beer
He won't give me a swig
This is a great place for me
With all the vodka and glass
Every surface is wet
I know that I'll bust my ass

But don't blame my dad
He's not an alcoholic
We've been stuck in the house
I got the colic
My tummy hurts
Because my sphincters don't sphinct
I've been screaming for days
And daddy needs him a drink
And I think the bartender's not happy with me
Cuz I don't know how to tip and I don't have ID
And all the guys here hate me cuz I'm blocking their jocks
By tripping all the ladies' biological clock-clock-clock-clocks

I'm a baby in a bar
I'm a baby in a bar

I'm a baby in a bar
This place used to be cool
Not while I'm sitting here
In a puddle of drool
And I think I annoy
The bartender tonight
When she shakes up a drink
I just shriek with delight
(cuz it's shiny and makes funny noises!)
I'm getting dirty looks
And I guess I deserve it
But maybe they're all jealous
of my bottle service
But I think it's cuz I'm ruining
their sense of mystique
This neighborhood used to be edgy
Now it's Sesame Street
But it's not my fault
so spare me your scorn
I didn't choose this place
I was dragged here in a Bjorn®
So before you take it out on me
Stop and think
You all are here to get laid
Where do you think that will lead?

To a baby in a bar