♦ and i might be okay but im not fine at all @MockingJamie

Uploaded March 2013 | Updated September 2026, 1 hour ago

i'm hoenslt yjust yelling all voe tthe place afetr yesterday's epsidoe
so to get all of my sadness out i made this video
((i'm still very sad))
((the title of this video descriebs me perfectly at the moemtn))

(note: i made some of my old yj videos unlisted but you can still find them here: youtube.com/playlist?list=PL1yIqIdOOECPOJcIm3-31r-7F8U9gnfko explanation is in the playlist description.)

art credits [tumblr]:
murrmernator
indiansummersunset
malin-j
viria
drakyx [deviantart]
may12324
mirakelsey
rangerofastarship
skull--kid
kawamamilosc
keylimepie
mustardwketchup
koryandr
scarymidnighter
mebellis
sizzleshorts
youngjli
pasta-sushi
i-am-weis
midolar
hcrystaline-sugar

♦ and i might be okay but im not fine at all

matthew gray gubler ❖ i will always love you

$Dan & Phil | The Fate of Ophelia On Tumblr: https://www.tumblr.com/butchhorse/806114064983064576 EEEEEEEEP this is FINALLY done. Ive been working on this on and off since a week or two after they hard launched, and I finally finished the second half of it this past week. Its finally over. I didnt even LIKE this song that much when I first heard it, but then something clicked after the hard launch and it was all over for me. Now we have a video out of it. Enjoy. Anyway, for all my fellow phannies watching this, its time to get a little (a lot) parasocial about Dan and Phil for a second. Im nearly 28 years old now, but Ive been watching these two since I was newly 16, and started editing videos of them around the same time. They joke a lot these days about raising their audience, but I think on a big level it does ring true. I mean, Ive been watching them on and off for years — regularly from 2014-2016, a brief resurgence in 2017-2018, casually keeping up with them during and post-hiatus, and nowadays Im right back in the trenches — and every single time I think Ive lost interest, theyve levelled up their content and sucked me right back in lol. I went to WAD in 2023 and TIT in 2024, I bought Dans book when it released — you get the gist. And I dont think theres really that much to say that hasnt already been said, by those both in and out of the Phandom, but oh my god. To say that I feel simultaneously so proud and so sad is a bit of an understatement. Ive been around since 2014, so I heard about certain things through the grapevine and actually witnessed others, but looking back at their public careers with a developed frontal lobe, what they went through (and what the Phandom put them through) is INSANE. It blows my mind that theyre still here, and that theyre as happy as they are. I mean, people straight up stalked them for YEARS. Leaked their private videos/information, memorized their apartment floor plans and listened through hotel doors for ~phan proof~, Phil even mentioned drones with cameras in their most recent upload?! Even other YouTube creators exploited them for clickbait/views for years. And somehow, despite all of that, they kept coming back. To YouTube and to their audience and to each other. I dont know how the fuck their relationship lasted through all that; I dont think I know anyone (myself included) who wouldve gotten through that level of public pressure and scrutiny as YOUTUBERS. But they kept choosing each other and they continue to choose each other. I will cry. Ive already teared up multiple times editing this video. Jesus Christ. And I dont know. I just get emotional every time I think about them, especially Dan. Everything hes shared about little Dan being so scared and feeling so unsafe, not feeling like he had a real future ahead of him, and how hes grown into current Dan, 34 years old living a happy, fulfilling life with his partner of 16 years — like what if I cried again. Surviving not only a traumatic childhood, but also an insane level of fame and parasocial stalking for a career that nobody knew the rules for yet and coming out the other side of it happier and healthier than ever. And Phil loving and supporting him unconditionally (I dont think I need to forgive you??? Kill me right now) through all of it and giving him the safe space he never had. The two of them growing into a life that originally seemed out of the realm of possibility. I cant even put it into words how happy I am for these men that Ive never met in my life. If I try Ill probably start to cry again. Anyway, I started editing this video for storytelling (the lyrics fit so well!), but by the end, it turned into a bit of a love better to them, as well. For their past and current selves, and for the life theyve build together (and the percentage that theyre willing to share with us). For all the other queer kids that latched onto them growing up, and for all of us who grew up into queer adults alongside them. For all of the love that they put into the world and inspire into their audience. And its also a bit of an apology for all of the heartache that weve caused them, despite whatever good came out of it as well. At the end of the day, theyre Just Some GuysTM on YouTube and we are Just Some PeopleTM in the audience who watch them, but thats part of what makes them so dear to me. I know that Im a better person for having watched them, as silly as it feels to say, and Im so thankful for their presence in this little corner of the internet. I hope that the happiness I feel for and about them is only a small fraction of what they continue to feel for the rest of their lives. Okay sappy time OVER. Insert sarcastic joke here. Song: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ko70cExuzZM Fandom: Dan Howell & Phil Lester Program Used: Davinci Resolve$

you have nothing to prove | wally & artemis

Harrowhark Nonagesimus | FIGHTER (The Locked Tomb Animatic, WIP)

MockingJamie |

♦ and i might be okay but i'm not fine at all