Uploaded January 2026 | Updated September 2026, 1 hour ago
On Tumblr: tumblr.com/butchhorse/806114064983064576
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EEEEEEEEP this is FINALLY done. I've been working on this on and off since a week or two after they hard launched, and I finally finished the second half of it this past week. It's finally over. I didn't even LIKE this song that much when I first heard it, but then something clicked after the hard launch and it was all over for me.
Now we have a video out of it. Enjoy.
Anyway, for all my fellow phannies watching this, it's time to get a little (a lot) parasocial about Dan and Phil for a second.
I'm nearly 28 years old now, but I've been watching these two since I was newly 16, and started editing videos of them around the same time. They joke a lot these days about raising their audience, but I think on a big level it does ring true. I mean, I've been watching them on and off for years — regularly from 2014-2016, a brief resurgence in 2017-2018, casually keeping up with them during and post-hiatus, and nowadays I'm right back in the trenches — and every single time I think I've lost interest, they've levelled up their content and sucked me right back in lol. I went to WAD in 2023 and TIT in 2024, I bought Dan's book when it released — you get the gist. And I don't think there's really that much to say that hasn't already been said, by those both in and out of the Phandom, but oh my god. To say that I feel simultaneously so proud and so sad is a bit of an understatement.
I've been around since 2014, so I heard about certain things through the grapevine and actually witnessed others, but looking back at their public careers with a developed frontal lobe, what they went through (and what the Phandom put them through) is INSANE. It blows my mind that they're still here, and that they're as happy as they are. I mean, people straight up stalked them for YEARS. Leaked their private videos/information, memorized their apartment floor plans and listened through hotel doors for ~phan proof~, Phil even mentioned drones with cameras in their most recent upload?! Even other YouTube creators exploited them for clickbait/views for years. And somehow, despite all of that, they kept coming back. To YouTube and to their audience and to each other. I don't know how the fuck their relationship lasted through all that; I don't think I know anyone (myself included) who would've gotten through that level of public pressure and scrutiny as YOUTUBERS. But they kept choosing each other and they continue to choose each other. I will cry. I've already teared up multiple times editing this video. Jesus Christ.
And I don't know. I just get emotional every time I think about them, especially Dan. Everything he's shared about little Dan being so scared and feeling so unsafe, not feeling like he had a real future ahead of him, and how he's grown into current Dan, 34 years old living a happy, fulfilling life with his partner of 16 years — like what if I cried again. Surviving not only a traumatic childhood, but also an insane level of fame and parasocial stalking for a career that nobody knew the rules for yet and coming out the other side of it happier and healthier than ever. And Phil loving and supporting him unconditionally ("I don't think I need to forgive you"??? Kill me right now) through all of it and giving him the safe space he never had. The two of them growing into a life that originally seemed out of the realm of possibility. I can't even put it into words how happy I am for these men that I've never met in my life. If I try I'll probably start to cry again.
Anyway, I started editing this video for storytelling (the lyrics fit so well!), but by the end, it turned into a bit of a love better to them, as well. For their past and current selves, and for the life they've build together (and the percentage that they're willing to share with us). For all the other queer kids that latched onto them growing up, and for all of us who grew up into queer adults alongside them. For all of the love that they put into the world and inspire into their audience. And it's also a bit of an apology for all of the heartache that we've caused them, despite whatever good came out of it as well. At the end of the day, they're Just Some GuysTM on YouTube and we are Just Some PeopleTM in the audience who watch them, but that's part of what makes them so dear to me. I know that I'm a better person for having watched them, as silly as it feels to say, and I'm so thankful for their presence in this little corner of the internet. I hope that the happiness I feel for and about them is only a small fraction of what they continue to feel for the rest of their lives.
Okay sappy time OVER. Insert sarcastic joke here.
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Song: youtube.com/watch?v=ko70cExuzZM
Fandom: Dan Howell & Phil Lester
Program Used: Davinci Resolve
On Tumblr: tumblr.com/butchhorse/806114064983064576
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EEEEEEEEP this is FINALLY done. I've been working on this on and off since a week or two after they hard launched, and I finally finished the second half of it this past week. It's finally over. I didn't even LIKE this song that much when I first heard it, but then something clicked after the hard launch and it was all over for me.
Now we have a video out of it. Enjoy.
Anyway, for all my fellow phannies watching this, it's time to get a little (a lot) parasocial about Dan and Phil for a second.
I'm nearly 28 years old now, but I've been watching these two since I was newly 16, and started editing videos of them around the same time. They joke a lot these days about raising their audience, but I think on a big level it does ring true. I mean, I've been watching them on and off for years — regularly from 2014-2016, a brief resurgence in 2017-2018, casually keeping up with them during and post-hiatus, and nowadays I'm right back in the trenches — and every single time I think I've lost interest, they've levelled up their content and sucked me right back in lol. I went to WAD in 2023 and TIT in 2024, I bought Dan's book when it released — you get the gist. And I don't think there's really that much to say that hasn't already been said, by those both in and out of the Phandom, but oh my god. To say that I feel simultaneously so proud and so sad is a bit of an understatement.
I've been around since 2014, so I heard about certain things through the grapevine and actually witnessed others, but looking back at their public careers with a developed frontal lobe, what they went through (and what the Phandom put them through) is INSANE. It blows my mind that they're still here, and that they're as happy as they are. I mean, people straight up stalked them for YEARS. Leaked their private videos/information, memorized their apartment floor plans and listened through hotel doors for ~phan proof~, Phil even mentioned drones with cameras in their most recent upload?! Even other YouTube creators exploited them for clickbait/views for years. And somehow, despite all of that, they kept coming back. To YouTube and to their audience and to each other. I don't know how the fuck their relationship lasted through all that; I don't think I know anyone (myself included) who would've gotten through that level of public pressure and scrutiny as YOUTUBERS. But they kept choosing each other and they continue to choose each other. I will cry. I've already teared up multiple times editing this video. Jesus Christ.
And I don't know. I just get emotional every time I think about them, especially Dan. Everything he's shared about little Dan being so scared and feeling so unsafe, not feeling like he had a real future ahead of him, and how he's grown into current Dan, 34 years old living a happy, fulfilling life with his partner of 16 years — like what if I cried again. Surviving not only a traumatic childhood, but also an insane level of fame and parasocial stalking for a career that nobody knew the rules for yet and coming out the other side of it happier and healthier than ever. And Phil loving and supporting him unconditionally ("I don't think I need to forgive you"??? Kill me right now) through all of it and giving him the safe space he never had. The two of them growing into a life that originally seemed out of the realm of possibility. I can't even put it into words how happy I am for these men that I've never met in my life. If I try I'll probably start to cry again.
Anyway, I started editing this video for storytelling (the lyrics fit so well!), but by the end, it turned into a bit of a love better to them, as well. For their past and current selves, and for the life they've build together (and the percentage that they're willing to share with us). For all the other queer kids that latched onto them growing up, and for all of us who grew up into queer adults alongside them. For all of the love that they put into the world and inspire into their audience. And it's also a bit of an apology for all of the heartache that we've caused them, despite whatever good came out of it as well. At the end of the day, they're Just Some GuysTM on YouTube and we are Just Some PeopleTM in the audience who watch them, but that's part of what makes them so dear to me. I know that I'm a better person for having watched them, as silly as it feels to say, and I'm so thankful for their presence in this little corner of the internet. I hope that the happiness I feel for and about them is only a small fraction of what they continue to feel for the rest of their lives.
Okay sappy time OVER. Insert sarcastic joke here.
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Song: youtube.com/watch?v=ko70cExuzZM
Fandom: Dan Howell & Phil Lester
Program Used: Davinci Resolve
