Uploaded July 2014 | Updated September 2026, 2 hours ago

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A cupcake strolls through the city without a care in the world. I heard a rumor it's going to get its own HBO show soon.

Update: I posted this video 6 days ago and yesterday corporate cupcake company Crumbs went out of business. BEWARE THE POWER OF SATIRICAL SONGS!

Lyrics:

Nine dollar cupcake you better be damn good
There better be a job baked into you
that helps me afford my neighborhood
You better be my soulmate
or the holy grail
You better have the winning lotto numbers
or Kate Upton's email

You better have flour made of cocaine
or frosting made of gold
You better get me higher
than the biggest joint I ever rolled
You better give me confidence
and take away my dread
And tell me I made all the right decisions
when I lie awake in bed

Nine dollar cupcake
you think you're better than me?
You just waltz into my hood
and bougie up my street
I'm sure you're fancy
but why should I care?
I don't need to eat everything
with my nose up in the air

When I first heard about you
I just laughed and mocked
But what the hell do I know
there's a line around the block
Why do people love you
I can't figure it out
I guess give them something
that they can blog about

Nine dollar cupcake are you why
The rent's too damn high
Our culture gets stale
When the whole town's upscale

Nine dollar cupcake
I've got a hunch
That I will hate you more
than I hate people who love brunch

Nine dollar cupcake
messing up my 'hood
All right, I'd pay five bucks for one
but only if it's really good
Nine dollar cupcake...

Music & Lyrics by Rob Paravonian