What it Takes to Build a Shared Reality According to Esther Perel @estherperel

Uploaded September 2025 | Updated September 2026, 1 hour ago

More thoughts on creating a shared reality with your friends.

Tell me: Do you have those people in your life where it feels “like no time has passed” or “like they just get you”?

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What it Takes to Build a Shared Reality According to Esther Perel

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$Whats Unspoken in Our Friendship I Where Should We Begin? with Esther Perel On this weeks episode of Where Should We Begin? with Esther Perel: Esther sits down with two friends. They’ve been close for so long they feel like brothers, with all of the baggage that comes with family but none of the certainty. There are things that go unspoken between them, issues they have skimmed over in their two decades of friendship. Esther creates the space for the conversation they didnt know quite where to begin. Topic: Relationships with Family & Friends Chapters 00:00 Introduction and Personal Anecdote 00:32 Revisiting a Past Session 02:20 Exploring Friendship Dynamics 05:35 Childhood and Family Backgrounds 10:14 Cultural and Religious Differences 12:36 Parental Expectations and Personal Struggles 18:49 Balancing Personal Growth and Relationships 26:01 Reflecting on Friendship and Personal Development 28:44 Reflecting on Friendship Dynamics 29:56 Addressing Unspoken Tensions 31:16 Navigating Personal Growth and Relationships 34:57 The Impact of Upbringing on Relationships 38:50 Balancing Personal and Relational Goals 41:31 Reconnecting and Building Rituals 53:46 Concluding Thoughts and Future Commitments About Where Should We Begin?: Every Monday morning, step into the office of iconic psychotherapist Esther Perel and listen in as real people in search of insight bare the raw, intimate, and profound details of their stories. From breakups and open relationships to workplace conflicts and fractures in the family, it’s a place to hear our own stories reflected in the lives of others. About Esther Perel: Psychotherapist, relationship expert, and New York Times bestselling author Esther Perel is recognized as one of today’s most insightful and original voices on modern relationships. Fluent in nine languages, she helms a therapy practice in New York City and serves as an organizational consultant for Fortune 500 companies around the world. Her celebrated TED Talks have garnered more than 40 million views and her bestselling books, Mating in Captivity and The State of Affairs, are global phenomena translated into more than 30 languages. Esther is also the host of the hit podcast Where Should We Begin? which is available on Apple Podcasts. Learn more at EstherPerel.com or by following @EstherPerelOfficial on Instagram.$

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$Its Very Hard to Live with a Saint | Where Should We Begin? with Esther Perel Is it her anger issues? Or is it the way they communicate? When a couple has a villain-victim narrative where one person is always perfect and the other is always wrong, its helpful to dig deeper. This is a classic session of Where Should We Begin? Barely a year into marriage, theyre trapped in a cycle of explosive conflict. She can do no right, and he can do no wrong. Chapters 00:38 How Do Our Backgrounds Shape the Way We Love? 01:20 What Happens When Communication Breaks Down? 02:47 What Lies Beneath the Surface of This Conflict? 04:07 Are We Repeating the Same Fight Again and Again? 06:11 Why Do Certain Moments Trigger Such Strong Reactions? 10:39 Which Cultural Scripts Are We Acting Out? 14:28 When Conflict Turns Into Emotional Exhaustion 18:50 Can Anger and Forgiveness Coexist? 19:14 Why Does Criticism Feel So Hard to Hear? 20:46 How Do We Balance Expectations Without Losing Ourselves? 23:23 When Does Pride Get in the Way of Repair? 24:13 What Does Real Empathy Sound Like? 29:19 Is This Gaslighting or Emotional Misattunement? 31:37 What Does Validation Actually Look Like? 37:15 Where Do They Go From Here? About Where Should We Begin?: Every Monday morning, step into the office of iconic psychotherapist Esther Perel and listen in as real people in search of insight bare the raw, intimate, and profound details of their stories. From breakups and open relationships to workplace conflicts and fractures in the family, it’s a place to hear our own stories reflected in the lives of others. About Esther Perel: Psychotherapist, relationship expert, and New York Times bestselling author Esther Perel is recognized as one of today’s most insightful and original voices on modern relationships. Fluent in nine languages, she helms a therapy practice in New York City and serves as an organizational consultant for Fortune 500 companies around the world. Her celebrated TED Talks have garnered more than 40 million views and her bestselling books, Mating in Captivity and The State of Affairs, are global phenomena translated into more than 30 languages. Esther is also the host of the hit podcast Where Should We Begin? which is available on Apple Podcasts. Learn more at http://estherperel.com/?utm_source=YouTube&utm_medium=YouTube&utm_campaign=podcast&utm_content=live%20with%20a%20saint, by following @EstherPerelOfficial on Instagram, or by joining my Substack community Entre Nous at http://estherperel.substack.com/?utm_source=YouTube&utm_medium=YouTube&utm_campaign=podcast&utm_content=live%20with%20a%20saint for bonus content.$