Closeness and Distance in Relationships According to Esther Perel @estherperel

Uploaded October 2025 | Updated September 2026, 8 hours ago

Modern relationships are cauldrons of contradictory longings: safety and excitement, grounding and transcendence, the comfort of love and the heat of passion.

Closeness and Distance in Relationships According to Esther Perel

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Podcast Preview: My Husband Has Been Cheating For Years. Where Should We Begin? With Esther Perel

$Its Very Hard to Live with a Saint | Where Should We Begin? with Esther Perel Is it her anger issues? Or is it the way they communicate? When a couple has a villain-victim narrative where one person is always perfect and the other is always wrong, its helpful to dig deeper. This is a classic session of Where Should We Begin? Barely a year into marriage, theyre trapped in a cycle of explosive conflict. She can do no right, and he can do no wrong. Chapters 00:38 How Do Our Backgrounds Shape the Way We Love? 01:20 What Happens When Communication Breaks Down? 02:47 What Lies Beneath the Surface of This Conflict? 04:07 Are We Repeating the Same Fight Again and Again? 06:11 Why Do Certain Moments Trigger Such Strong Reactions? 10:39 Which Cultural Scripts Are We Acting Out? 14:28 When Conflict Turns Into Emotional Exhaustion 18:50 Can Anger and Forgiveness Coexist? 19:14 Why Does Criticism Feel So Hard to Hear? 20:46 How Do We Balance Expectations Without Losing Ourselves? 23:23 When Does Pride Get in the Way of Repair? 24:13 What Does Real Empathy Sound Like? 29:19 Is This Gaslighting or Emotional Misattunement? 31:37 What Does Validation Actually Look Like? 37:15 Where Do They Go From Here? About Where Should We Begin?: Every Monday morning, step into the office of iconic psychotherapist Esther Perel and listen in as real people in search of insight bare the raw, intimate, and profound details of their stories. From breakups and open relationships to workplace conflicts and fractures in the family, it’s a place to hear our own stories reflected in the lives of others. About Esther Perel: Psychotherapist, relationship expert, and New York Times bestselling author Esther Perel is recognized as one of today’s most insightful and original voices on modern relationships. Fluent in nine languages, she helms a therapy practice in New York City and serves as an organizational consultant for Fortune 500 companies around the world. Her celebrated TED Talks have garnered more than 40 million views and her bestselling books, Mating in Captivity and The State of Affairs, are global phenomena translated into more than 30 languages. Esther is also the host of the hit podcast Where Should We Begin? which is available on Apple Podcasts. Learn more at http://estherperel.com/?utm_source=YouTube&utm_medium=YouTube&utm_campaign=podcast&utm_content=live%20with%20a%20saint, by following @EstherPerelOfficial on Instagram, or by joining my Substack community Entre Nous at http://estherperel.substack.com/?utm_source=YouTube&utm_medium=YouTube&utm_campaign=podcast&utm_content=live%20with%20a%20saint for bonus content.$

$Why Remote Work Feels Lonely: Esther Perel Talks to a Newsroom During Covid | Where Should We Begin? This weeks episode of Where Should We Begin? with Esther Perel is a classic session of Hows Work? A large and scattered network of journalists meet for a virtual session with Esther. Over the past year, theyve reported on the biggest stories of their careers, but they are burned out, isolated, grieving, and disconnected from the very thing that supports and energizes them all: their newsroom. Chapters 00:00 Introduction: The Importance of Relationship Skills at Work 00:18 The Four Pillars of Workplace Relationships 00:32 Collective Resilience in the Newsroom 00:55 The Impact of the Pandemic on Workplace Dynamics 01:05 Session Overview: Hows Work with Esther Perel 01:56 Trust, Belonging, Recognition, and Resilience 03:05 Challenges Faced by Journalists During COVID-19 05:14 The Psychological Toll of Remote Work 06:46 Introducing Esther Perel to the Newsroom 08:19 Isolation and Its Effects on Work and Personal Life 11:34 The Collapse of Boundaries Between Work and Home 14:17 Prolonged Uncertainty and Ambiguous Loss 19:39 Tragic Optimism and Collective Healing 24:14 Maintaining Routines and Accountability 27:33 The Loss of Eros and Its Impact on Journalists 41:57 Rebuilding Connections and Trust in the Newsroom 48:44 Conclusion: Reflecting on the Session About Where Should We Begin?: Every Monday morning, step into the office of iconic psychotherapist Esther Perel and listen in as real people in search of insight bare the raw, intimate, and profound details of their stories. From breakups and open relationships to workplace conflicts and fractures in the family, it’s a place to hear our own stories reflected in the lives of others. About Esther Perel: Psychotherapist, relationship expert, and New York Times bestselling author Esther Perel is recognized as one of today’s most insightful and original voices on modern relationships. Fluent in nine languages, she helms a therapy practice in New York City and serves as an organizational consultant for Fortune 500 companies around the world. Her celebrated TED Talks have garnered more than 40 million views and her bestselling books, Mating in Captivity and The State of Affairs, are global phenomena translated into more than 30 languages. Esther is also the host of the hit podcast Where Should We Begin? which is available on Apple Podcasts. Learn more at EstherPerel.com or by following @EstherPerelOfficial on Instagram.$ $Can I Be Loved? | Where Should We Begin? with Esther Perel On this weeks episode of Where Should We Begin? with Esther Perel: A young woman writes to Esther asking why she is interested in someone emotionally unavailable. Despite efforts to break this pattern, she realizes that some of her behaviors are rooted in a deep sense of control and the need to feel worthy of her parents sacrifices. Esther walks her through this need for control and how to reclaim a sense of independence. Chapters 00:00 Can You Change Who Youre Attracted To? 02:12 Why Is Vulnerability So Scary? 03:07 What Did Your Parents Teach You About Love? 04:59 What Happens When You Freeze? 07:12 What Is Your Body Trying to Tell You? 08:23 Why Does Your Childhood Feel Like a Blank? 10:43 Why Does Music Remember What You Cant? 13:58 Are You Carrying Your Parents Relationship? 19:37 What Does Independence Really Mean? 23:37 Could You Be Loved? 24:59 Why Do You Feel You Have to Earn Love? 26:52 Who Are You Trying to Be Perfect For? 30:06 How Do You Make Your Life Your Own? About Where Should We Begin?: Every Monday morning, step into the office of iconic psychotherapist Esther Perel and listen in as real people in search of insight bare the raw, intimate, and profound details of their stories. From breakups and open relationships to workplace conflicts and fractures in the family, it’s a place to hear our own stories reflected in the lives of others. About Esther Perel: Psychotherapist, relationship expert, and New York Times bestselling author Esther Perel is recognized as one of today’s most insightful and original voices on modern relationships. Fluent in nine languages, she helms a therapy practice in New York City and serves as an organizational consultant for Fortune 500 companies around the world. Her celebrated TED Talks have garnered more than 40 million views and her bestselling books, Mating in Captivity and The State of Affairs, are global phenomena translated into more than 30 languages. Esther is also the host of the hit podcast Where Should We Begin? which is available on Apple Podcasts. Learn more at EstherPerel.com or subscribe to her Substack Entre Nous for bonus content.$

Changing The Rules of Your Family Over the Holidays

$I Fell for My Best Friend, But He Didnt Feel the Same | Where Should We Begin? with Esther Perel On this weeks episode of Where Should We Begin? with Esther Perel: He fell in love with his best friend. But when his best friend reconnected with an ex, it was too much to bear and he had to end the friendship. He wonders how to let himself fall in love again and move into the next chapter of his life. Topic: Relationships with Family & Friends Chapters 00:00 Introduction: The Beginning of a Heartfelt Journey 01:09 A Heartfelt Question: Navigating Unrequited Love 04:00 The Story Unfolds: From Friendship to Heartbreak 05:52 Reflecting on the Past: Cultural and Emotional Insights 08:19 The Turning Point: Choosing Separation 12:30 Moving Forward: Embracing New Beginnings 24:24 Exploring New Connections: Dating and Social Strategies 35:19 Conclusion: Embracing Change and New Opportunities About Where Should We Begin?: Every Monday morning, step into the office of iconic psychotherapist Esther Perel and listen in as real people in search of insight bare the raw, intimate, and profound details of their stories. From breakups and open relationships to workplace conflicts and fractures in the family, it’s a place to hear our own stories reflected in the lives of others. About Esther Perel: Psychotherapist, relationship expert, and New York Times bestselling author Esther Perel is recognized as one of today’s most insightful and original voices on modern relationships. Fluent in nine languages, she helms a therapy practice in New York City and serves as an organizational consultant for Fortune 500 companies around the world. Her celebrated TED Talks have garnered more than 40 million views and her bestselling books, Mating in Captivity and The State of Affairs, are global phenomena translated into more than 30 languages. Esther is also the host of the hit podcast Where Should We Begin? which is available on Apple Podcasts. Learn more at EstherPerel.com or by following @EstherPerelOfficial on Instagram.$ $I Accidentally Dated An OnlyFans Star: Where Should We Begin? with Esther Perel On this weeks episode of Where Should We Begin? with Esther Perel: Post-breakup rumination is a familiar spiral. We replay the signs, question our judgment, and wonder how we didn’t see it coming. This week, Esther speaks with a man grappling with the lingering grief and betrayal of discovering that his ex wasnt exactly who he thought she was. Together, they explore the complex aftermath of a relationship. Chapters 00:00 Introduction: Post-Relationship Rumination 00:20 A Jealous Man and OnlyFans 00:50 Unpacking the Relationship 01:25 Discovering the Truth 02:15 The Breakup and Aftermath 02:55 Reconnecting and Betrayal 03:28 Grief and Self-Blame 16:58 The Impact of Loss 21:01 Connecting the Dots 23:07 Struggles with Jealousy 24:11 Defining Jealousy 24:57 Trust and Surveillance 25:49 Personal Experiences of Jealousy 26:18 Feelings of Inadequacy 29:02 Reflections on Past Relationships 38:36 The Impact of Loss 43:39 Concluding Thoughts and Dedication About Where Should We Begin?: Every Monday morning, step into the office of iconic psychotherapist Esther Perel and listen in as real people in search of insight bare the raw, intimate, and profound details of their stories. From breakups and open relationships to workplace conflicts and fractures in the family, it’s a place to hear our own stories reflected in the lives of others. About Esther Perel: Psychotherapist, relationship expert, and New York Times bestselling author Esther Perel is recognized as one of today’s most insightful and original voices on modern relationships. Fluent in nine languages, she helms a therapy practice in New York City and serves as an organizational consultant for Fortune 500 companies around the world. Her celebrated TED Talks have garnered more than 40 million views and her bestselling books, Mating in Captivity and The State of Affairs, are global phenomena translated into more than 30 languages. Esther is also the host of the hit podcast Where Should We Begin? which is available on Apple Podcasts. Learn more at EstherPerel.com or by following @EstherPerelOfficial on Instagram.$