Alice Phantom | [Valerie & Connie] Conversations w/my 13 Year Old Self (Vent) @AlicePhantom | Uploaded 7 years ago | Updated 10 hours ago
Oh hey look at that, in a month I made another Vent oh joy. The two fandoms used were Danny Phantom and Steven Universe. (I had no real reason to pick these two. Surprisingly this got done in like 2 hours.)
Story: Valerie/Connie looks back on her life and realizes she isn't that much better off than she was when she was 13.
Okay so I've been meaning to do a vent for a while actually but I just couldn't find the right inspiration for it. As most of you are aware, I have my last day of high school Thursday and graduate on the 31st. What got me thinking about stuff more is the fact that we got our prom pictures today. My smile wasn't a smile, it was me faking it. I actually tried to smile, but the mask came off. It wasn't even a bad prom, it's just I couldn't be happy.
Hell I'm still not happy. (I'm somewhat aware that kids from school may be coming on my channel, I know one already said he would. Please don't SAP me!) If I'm being honest, I don't even see myself living for college. (I know I said this last year, okay. I failed back then.) After high school I doubt I'm going to see my friends again. Hell, if I can treat my old friend like shit what's stopping me from treating them like shit once school gets out?
It's so hard to keep up appearances and keep up the façade I've had up for so long. I almost cried one day when my teacher was saying how it was our last few days of school. When I was finally able to go to the bathroom, I couldn't bring myself to cry. I couldn't feel comfortable because I knew some girl would walk in and hear me.
No one is really going to care about me once I graduate. Who even does now? I still think the world is better off without me. Everyone wants to get out of our school, but I don't. I don't want to graduate. Despite all the drama, despite having to deal with my ex's shit practically everyday, despite all that I don't want to leave. That's the one place where I felt I was somewhat safe. I knew that people sorta cared about me.
I really don't want to leave. Because after I graduate I don't know if I'll even live to see college. You never really get over the fact you want to die, you just don't. Those who say so are either lying or silenced that voice. You always see the future without you in it. I'm risking getting told on by some kid from school, since I made a snap with my YT because of a glitch, and I know one planned on looking. I really don't want that, I can't let people at school or my father think I'm not getting better when I'm slowly dying on the inside. It's not your fucking choice to say something. If I wanted help, I'd tell my therapist. Which he thinks everything is a-okay but it's not. It won't be.
Hell I try to say everything will be fine, but it always blows up in my face as the days wear on. No one will really care about me after graduation. I'm expected to be better than my siblings, but did they ever lay in their rooms at night contemplating their lives? Do they ever sit and think about how the world is better off without them? Probably not. They'd probably blame my dad for all this when it's not even his fault. I'm probably going to regret posting this in the morning but oh well.
If you've read this long thanks I guess. Either you really care or you're someone from school just wondering what the fuck this is all about.
Oh hey look at that, in a month I made another Vent oh joy. The two fandoms used were Danny Phantom and Steven Universe. (I had no real reason to pick these two. Surprisingly this got done in like 2 hours.)
Story: Valerie/Connie looks back on her life and realizes she isn't that much better off than she was when she was 13.
Okay so I've been meaning to do a vent for a while actually but I just couldn't find the right inspiration for it. As most of you are aware, I have my last day of high school Thursday and graduate on the 31st. What got me thinking about stuff more is the fact that we got our prom pictures today. My smile wasn't a smile, it was me faking it. I actually tried to smile, but the mask came off. It wasn't even a bad prom, it's just I couldn't be happy.
Hell I'm still not happy. (I'm somewhat aware that kids from school may be coming on my channel, I know one already said he would. Please don't SAP me!) If I'm being honest, I don't even see myself living for college. (I know I said this last year, okay. I failed back then.) After high school I doubt I'm going to see my friends again. Hell, if I can treat my old friend like shit what's stopping me from treating them like shit once school gets out?
It's so hard to keep up appearances and keep up the façade I've had up for so long. I almost cried one day when my teacher was saying how it was our last few days of school. When I was finally able to go to the bathroom, I couldn't bring myself to cry. I couldn't feel comfortable because I knew some girl would walk in and hear me.
No one is really going to care about me once I graduate. Who even does now? I still think the world is better off without me. Everyone wants to get out of our school, but I don't. I don't want to graduate. Despite all the drama, despite having to deal with my ex's shit practically everyday, despite all that I don't want to leave. That's the one place where I felt I was somewhat safe. I knew that people sorta cared about me.
I really don't want to leave. Because after I graduate I don't know if I'll even live to see college. You never really get over the fact you want to die, you just don't. Those who say so are either lying or silenced that voice. You always see the future without you in it. I'm risking getting told on by some kid from school, since I made a snap with my YT because of a glitch, and I know one planned on looking. I really don't want that, I can't let people at school or my father think I'm not getting better when I'm slowly dying on the inside. It's not your fucking choice to say something. If I wanted help, I'd tell my therapist. Which he thinks everything is a-okay but it's not. It won't be.
Hell I try to say everything will be fine, but it always blows up in my face as the days wear on. No one will really care about me after graduation. I'm expected to be better than my siblings, but did they ever lay in their rooms at night contemplating their lives? Do they ever sit and think about how the world is better off without them? Probably not. They'd probably blame my dad for all this when it's not even his fault. I'm probably going to regret posting this in the morning but oh well.
If you've read this long thanks I guess. Either you really care or you're someone from school just wondering what the fuck this is all about.
![[Valerie & Connie] Conversations w/my 13 Year Old Self (Vent)](https://i.ytimg.com/vi/f_0yns3TtcA/hqdefault.jpg "[Valerie & Connie] Conversations w/my 13 Year Old Self (Vent)
Oh hey look at that, in a month I made another Vent oh joy. The two fandoms used were Danny Phantom and Steven Universe. (I had no real reason to pick these two. Surprisingly this got done in like 2 hours.)
Story: Valerie/Connie looks back on her life and realizes she isnt that much better off than she was when she was 13.
Okay so Ive been meaning to do a vent for a while actually but I just couldnt find the right inspiration for it. As most of you are aware, I have my last day of high school Thursday and graduate on the 31st. What got me thinking about stuff more is the fact that we got our prom pictures today. My smile wasnt a smile, it was me faking it. I actually tried to smile, but the mask came off. It wasnt even a bad prom, its just I couldnt be happy.
Hell Im still not happy. (Im somewhat aware that kids from school may be coming on my channel, I know one already said he would. Please dont SAP me!) If Im being honest, I dont even see myself living for college. (I know I said this last year, okay. I failed back then.) After high school I doubt Im going to see my friends again. Hell, if I can treat my old friend like shit whats stopping me from treating them like shit once school gets out?
Its so hard to keep up appearances and keep up the façade Ive had up for so long. I almost cried one day when my teacher was saying how it was our last few days of school. When I was finally able to go to the bathroom, I couldnt bring myself to cry. I couldnt feel comfortable because I knew some girl would walk in and hear me.
No one is really going to care about me once I graduate. Who even does now? I still think the world is better off without me. Everyone wants to get out of our school, but I dont. I dont want to graduate. Despite all the drama, despite having to deal with my exs shit practically everyday, despite all that I dont want to leave. Thats the one place where I felt I was somewhat safe. I knew that people sorta cared about me.
I really dont want to leave. Because after I graduate I dont know if Ill even live to see college. You never really get over the fact you want to die, you just dont. Those who say so are either lying or silenced that voice. You always see the future without you in it. Im risking getting told on by some kid from school, since I made a snap with my YT because of a glitch, and I know one planned on looking. I really dont want that, I cant let people at school or my father think Im not getting better when Im slowly dying on the inside. Its not your fucking choice to say something. If I wanted help, Id tell my therapist. Which he thinks everything is a-okay but its not. It wont be.
Hell I try to say everything will be fine, but it always blows up in my face as the days wear on. No one will really care about me after graduation. Im expected to be better than my siblings, but did they ever lay in their rooms at night contemplating their lives? Do they ever sit and think about how the world is better off without them? Probably not. Theyd probably blame my dad for all this when its not even his fault. Im probably going to regret posting this in the morning but oh well.
If youve read this long thanks I guess. Either you really care or youre someone from school just wondering what the fuck this is all about.")
![[Ben Tennyson] How To Save A Life (Vent)](https://i.ytimg.com/vi/faRDzFOGXQM/hqdefault.jpg "[Ben Tennyson] How To Save A Life (Vent)
Tw: Suicide mention
...why are like half my vents with some type of Ben 10 Media?
Anyway first ill get to the story inside the video.
Story: Just follow the video, I actually cant bring myself to type out the story that goes along with it. Basically long story short, Gwen and Kevin blame themselves for Ben dying. (The implication is that Ben committed suicide.)
Vent: Okay so this is mostly the reason I had the warning at the top. Sunday morning I woke up and looked at my phone. I looked at the messages from my group chat with some friends. I saw them and I became numb. An old classmate who transferred to another school mid sophomore year committed suicide. (I wont say how.) I read the messages and I was shocked. I barely knew the kid, and he was my age. If he stayed at my school we wouldve have graduated together. He wouldve graduated with my pal from the school he transferred to. (...I should actually check on that pal actually now that I think about it. I dont even know if they knew each other.)
Like we had a conversation in the group chat about it for a little bit, and I talked to a girl from my school Im friends with. But it feels wrong to be numb to something like this, when in the past with the other suicides at my school Ive almost cried. It was someone I actually knew this time and I was numb to the news.
Honestly Im still somewhat shaken and its been a few days. This happened so close to the first time Ive dealt with a suicide at my school. Im not saying its a good thing, or even trying to make it sound like its not a big deal. It is, Ive just dealt with it so much during my high school career that Im used to it.
Ive been there. Ive thought about ending it all. I even tried over the summer... anyway. Ive made the same mistakes. Part of me doesnt even regret them tbh. Part of me still kinda does tbh. No one from Crew even bothered to care that I wasnt at the last meeting. I only told my sister I wasnt able to make it. I kind of expected someone to be curious on why, but whatever.
I mean I probably deserve this. I mean I was a bitch to someone I used to call my best friend. Im not apologizing, nor giving an excuse. Its been about a month since weve last talked, through my own fault. There are sooo many things Ive done in the last month that Im somewhat not proud of. I dont regret them though actually. I dont even regret not talking to her. Kind of wish things ended differently, but hey it happened how it did and its over with. Truth be told, I knew our friendship was going to end soon because of me.
If youve read this long, thanks. Maybe by the end of Spring Break ill be somewhat better. I dont know to be honest. Ill probably talk to my therapist about this when I see him Monday. (I say probably because the last few sessions Ive lied about how I feel. I know ill mention the whole me being numb to classmates committing suicide, but thats probably about it.)")
![[Damian Wayne x Terra Markov] What You Mean To Me](https://i.ytimg.com/vi/g0u5e8yUQnk/hqdefault.jpg "[Damian Wayne x Terra Markov] What You Mean To Me
Edit #1 7/31/17: If you are someone watching this video looking for media, please dont just download this video and use it. Eventually, I will find you and ask you take the video down. I dont care if its 5 seconds. This video was made for my channel and only my channel. If youd like to know where to download this movie feel free to ask and not be a scummy little shit and steal my edit. Thank you.
*IF YOU HAVE NOT SEEN TEEN TITANS: THE JUDAS CONTRACT AND DONT WANT TO BE SPOILED TURN AWAY*
Oh wow, the likes and dislikes match up. Someone must be triggered. XD Anyway, thanks so much. :) (I realize the dislikes are more now, someone must be salty. Get over yourselves. XD)
Does this song/couple sound familiar? On this day 2 years ago I made a Darra video with the song What You Mean To Me (Well technically Terra represented my OC Sandra, but I digress.) I saw the new DCAU movie last night and squealed when I saw some Damian and Terra scenes. (No not romantic, but hey my crossover couple is in the same movie so I was happy af.)
Today I was thinking, What song should I use to make a Darra video? I looked at my old video and saw that I uploaded it two years ago to this date and figured, Hey lets remake it.
The lyrics I used, the style, and the watermark are all the same. (With a little more advancement on style/watermark) Just so I wouldnt reuse the same scenes, I limited myself to ONLY this movie. (I thought about using Bad Blood and JL vs TT lol)
Anyway so I got to work and here we are. I wanted to be the first to make the not-crossover couple video. xD (Since I came up with the ship.)
Now I would like to point out: Yes I do ship BB x Terra (AFTER 10 YEARS THEY ACTUALLY KISS!) and yes I do ship Damian x Raven (RAVEN BOUGHT DAMIAN A PUPPER OMG ITS TITUS!) but Damian x Terra is ship I actually created, so I felt the need to do something with it now that they are in the same universe.
Ill probs still work with Darra for TT Terra instead of this one, but I digress. Also I probably will do another Darra video, I just wanted a symbolic thing going on here lol.
Hope yall enjoyed this! :D
Old version: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=neJT007FkJk
Darra Videos by PrincessSparkleKitty (Had to show off the other person who worked with Darra lol): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qVsM1nBN8ds
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=01OXBOoCzmk
PS: Each of us, now that Im looking it up, have made MEP parts with Darra. Isnt that something? xD")
![[SV] Multiple Layer Text Masking Tutorial {Tut #3}](https://i.ytimg.com/vi/gq5fkSv59qA/hqdefault.jpg "[SV] Multiple Layer Text Masking Tutorial {Tut #3}
As I was doing a MEP part, I decided to make a Tutorial based on masking text. I actually couldnt find anything on YouTube on how to do this, it was only with the help of someone in a Skype group was I able to figure out how to do it. Mostly based on another Tut she sent me. Figured this may help someone who needs a Tut on how to have multiple mask layers.
The title was based on what I looked up when I was trying to find this effect, so maybe someone else will do the same if they need it.
Fun fact: I did the LAP thing on purpose in the thumbnail. xD
MEP Part: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=spKpheTL6tk
Media in Tut: Danny Phantom
Song: Mary Go Round by The Struts")
![[SV] Glow/Flash Text Tutorial {Tut #1}](https://i.ytimg.com/vi/hS26mERjh0w/hqdefault.jpg "[SV] Glow/Flash Text Tutorial {Tut #1}
AKA: Watch how I make crappy text in a MEP part. xD
The other day I finally downloaded Hypercam, because I knew eventually I wanted to make tutorials on how I do stuff. As I was doing this MEP part I decided to try it out. :D
I know, I know, theres probably a million other tuts that make this effect look much better but oh well.
Full MEP Part: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jJ96j2MAEhk
Media in the Tut: Steven Universe
Song: Hypnotic by Zella Day")
![[Terra x Beast Boy] Losing Your Memory (Vent)](https://i.ytimg.com/vi/ih2Qqgu5s5c/hqdefault.jpg "[Terra x Beast Boy] Losing Your Memory (Vent)
Is this second time I used this song for a vent? ....Oh well.
I know there was an edit error, yeah I didnt feel like fixing it so kinda ignore it lol.
Okay so I started this a few days ago and decided to get it done. So Im done with exams and Im about to graduate on Wednesday. After that Im done with school until I start college in the fall. (Yes I did sign up for college way back when, not even sure if Im going to be alive by then tbh.)
Okay so last week I tried to end my life. I kept staggering ODing everyday. What is that? Taking more then a recommend dose of pills each day. I did Aleve and Tylenol. I also posted on my snapchat about it, but no one told anyone that could help. Some asked if I was okay, and one actually went after my cousin about it. (She didnt know because I hid my snap story from certain people.) My cousin remarked that why doesnt she just go to my school instead of her. I shrugged her off and didnt let her know that anything was wrong.
Staggering ODing is much worse then ODing at once because when you do it for a period of time it fucks your insides up. I would know, I had pains in my chest for a little bit. (I didnt say anything to anyone of course.) The only reason I stopped was because I was near out of the pills and had to save them for a time I actually needed them. (Back pain, period cramps, etc.) Also my dad only knows I take Aleve for stuff, not Tylenol.
Youre probably thinking, Oh my god your life is going so well, why are you so depressed? You have no right to want to end your life if things are so well. Fuck off. I do what I need to survive or die, and if that means ODing then so fucking be it. We all have shit we need to do.
Have you taken a look at my shoulders lately? Full of cuts. Ive been doing that since February. Not always constantly, but most of the time I have. I have to wear my black nice jacket over my sleeveless dresses for the formal crap at school so no one can tell. Shocked my dad hasnt noticed before I had the jacket on. Other than dresses, everything has sleeves that cover them. I stopped doing them on my wrists when people knew.
I actually didnt mean for everything to go this far, but hey. Im still alive. Great. Someone must obviously want me alive since this is the second time I tried killing myself. (Generalizing.) I also almost died 3 times by drowning when I was a kid. (I wish I did.) I also apparently ran into the street when I was 4 at school. So yea. Ive had life threatening accidents in my life, and also purpose life threatening. I know Im not immortal based on my ankle injuries, but like come fucking on.
Terra- Me
BB- My friend(s)
If you read this far thanks... I guess. I dont know. Tf you want me to say?")
