Uploaded July 2025 | Updated September 2026, 1 day ago
The Cadillac
She said: "My name is Rhonda,
"But the guys all call me Rose."
She said: "I own a Honda,
"But I'd rather drive a Rolls."
She said: "Now don't get nervous,
"I'm a decent girl, I am.
"I work for an escort service,
And I do the best I can."
She said: "Now you're a lawyer,
"And I am in a bind,
"And though I do not know you,
"Your face seems nice and kind.
"They're charging me with thieving,
"They say I stole a car.
"Did no such thing, believe me!
"So how much will you charge?"
He said bring me back
My Cadillac,
You lying little whore.
I'm John McCay
And the D.A.
Will even up the score,
I treated you right kindly,
I treated you okay,
You went back on your promise, girl,
And now you're gonna pay!
Well, I was mighty young then,
A greenhorn starting out,
I said: "I'll take five hundred,"
"That much or thereabouts."
She flashed a smile so lovely,
She said: "Why that's all right,
"I make about that sum for,
"The work of just one night."
I took my legal pad out,
I started taking notes,
While Rose told me her story,
And as she spoke I wrote:
"I was down and out last summer,
"No money and no wheels,
"And John McCay met me one day,
And he offered me this deal."
"He said: 'I like you honey,
"`And the way you make me feel,
"'I haven't got much money,
"'But I'll let you use these wheels.'
"The Cadillac was rented,
"He used his credit card,
"And I at once consented,
"My time against his car."
"And so I made the promise,
"To meet him once a week,
"I really meant to -- honest!
"I didn't mean to cheat.
"But soon I was real busy,
"I got this brand new job,
"To work for Bob and Lizzy.
"I guess I plain forgot."
He said bring me back
My Cadillac,
You lying little whore.
I'm John McCay
And the D.A.
Will even up the score,
I treated you right kindly,
I treated you okay,
You went back on your promise, girl,
And now you're gonna pay!
The judges all were crooked,
Would not deign to dismiss,
We did not go to trial,
For they did not insist.
Rhonda'd come and meet me,
Within the courthouse halls,
Every month she'd greet me,
But nothing changed at all.
Now Rhonda took some classes,
At secretarial school,
Her voice like sweet molasses,
She grilled me on the rules:
"I heard of the Magna Carta,
"And Bill of Rights," says she,
"They taught us them this morning.
"Do those apply to me?”
He said bring me back
My Cadillac,
You lying little whore.
I'm John McCay
And the D.A.
Will even up the score,
I treated you right kindly,
I treated you okay,
You went back on your promise, girl,
And now you're gonna pay!
One night she did a lawyer,
Who played golf with the judge,
And we all went and saw him,
And he accomplished much.
The judge saw him in chambers,
They nearly came to blows,
But when the thing was over,
They let poor Rhonda go!
Now, to answer Rhonda's question,
About the Bill of Rights,
I've got one small suggestion,
And you may want to try't.
'Cause from this simple story,
I think we've learned this much:
It's best to get a lawyer
Who plays golf with the judge.
Copyright 1987, 2010, 2025 Aya Katz
The Cadillac
She said: "My name is Rhonda,
"But the guys all call me Rose."
She said: "I own a Honda,
"But I'd rather drive a Rolls."
She said: "Now don't get nervous,
"I'm a decent girl, I am.
"I work for an escort service,
And I do the best I can."
She said: "Now you're a lawyer,
"And I am in a bind,
"And though I do not know you,
"Your face seems nice and kind.
"They're charging me with thieving,
"They say I stole a car.
"Did no such thing, believe me!
"So how much will you charge?"
He said bring me back
My Cadillac,
You lying little whore.
I'm John McCay
And the D.A.
Will even up the score,
I treated you right kindly,
I treated you okay,
You went back on your promise, girl,
And now you're gonna pay!
Well, I was mighty young then,
A greenhorn starting out,
I said: "I'll take five hundred,"
"That much or thereabouts."
She flashed a smile so lovely,
She said: "Why that's all right,
"I make about that sum for,
"The work of just one night."
I took my legal pad out,
I started taking notes,
While Rose told me her story,
And as she spoke I wrote:
"I was down and out last summer,
"No money and no wheels,
"And John McCay met me one day,
And he offered me this deal."
"He said: 'I like you honey,
"`And the way you make me feel,
"'I haven't got much money,
"'But I'll let you use these wheels.'
"The Cadillac was rented,
"He used his credit card,
"And I at once consented,
"My time against his car."
"And so I made the promise,
"To meet him once a week,
"I really meant to -- honest!
"I didn't mean to cheat.
"But soon I was real busy,
"I got this brand new job,
"To work for Bob and Lizzy.
"I guess I plain forgot."
He said bring me back
My Cadillac,
You lying little whore.
I'm John McCay
And the D.A.
Will even up the score,
I treated you right kindly,
I treated you okay,
You went back on your promise, girl,
And now you're gonna pay!
The judges all were crooked,
Would not deign to dismiss,
We did not go to trial,
For they did not insist.
Rhonda'd come and meet me,
Within the courthouse halls,
Every month she'd greet me,
But nothing changed at all.
Now Rhonda took some classes,
At secretarial school,
Her voice like sweet molasses,
She grilled me on the rules:
"I heard of the Magna Carta,
"And Bill of Rights," says she,
"They taught us them this morning.
"Do those apply to me?”
He said bring me back
My Cadillac,
You lying little whore.
I'm John McCay
And the D.A.
Will even up the score,
I treated you right kindly,
I treated you okay,
You went back on your promise, girl,
And now you're gonna pay!
One night she did a lawyer,
Who played golf with the judge,
And we all went and saw him,
And he accomplished much.
The judge saw him in chambers,
They nearly came to blows,
But when the thing was over,
They let poor Rhonda go!
Now, to answer Rhonda's question,
About the Bill of Rights,
I've got one small suggestion,
And you may want to try't.
'Cause from this simple story,
I think we've learned this much:
It's best to get a lawyer
Who plays golf with the judge.
Copyright 1987, 2010, 2025 Aya Katz
