Uploaded December 2022 | Updated September 2026, 1 week ago

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Next in my list of "songs that I wrote to be straightfacedly serious in tone about dumb shit." I don't know why but I have like 4 of them this year; I got into a headspace and was just like, yup, it's time to write songs about cutesy pony stuff and act like it's hard af. I had a lot of fun. Anyway, definitely go listen to the mp3 available here: https://u.smutty.horse/mkthsoumzfe.mp3 because holy smokes neither of my video editors liked this piece at all. Absolutely butchered the audio, and I'm not good enough to reEQ it back into line, which really disappoints me, because I spent a good little while making it nice and not muddy. Anyway, enough whining out of me.

Five below, ice cold
Balaclava on my face like a robbery
Blowing smoke- out my nose
Call me Ben Grimm it’s time for clobbering
Gotta lotta these fiends try to stomp on me
Freeze all these jobbers like he’s in the watery
Seas like he Le-o I’m the fuckin iceberg
Easy as sodomy with my fuckin wife herd
You’re a nice nerd, me I’m the Ice King
See got that spice girl, Scary when I ice sling
Pitch like I’m lightning, bitch you can’t fight me
I’m the Mighty Mouse and I’m here to save the
(Psych!)
See I’m here to start fights, blind in the sunlight
Sunglasses low it’s a snow day alright
And I’m in the mood for a motherbuckin brawl
Got a fort in the yard now let’s motherbuckin snowball

FIGHT
FIGHT
Fill your hooves with snow
Keep your head low
No winter wrap up
We gonna snowball
FIGHT
Took a hit to the hat
Water down my back
Hardpack snow
I’m throwing that like
FIGHT
Got a shot to the flank
I can take that
Tank while buck these
Balls perfect aim and
FIGHT

Not a snow pone, still gotta throw blows
Scarf on my neck, tight sweater like a chokehold
I’m tryna reload, fillies got me pinned down
It’s a fucking rodeo in a barrel like a clown
A ball splashes on the ground right beside me (Shit!)
And I’m diving at these bushes tryna hide me (I’m hit!)
I’m hit, and another whizzes through my mane,
I take aim, buck a hoof and I hit face
Let another go to cover my escape
I tuck and roll while I’m headed to my base
If I can make it to the treehouse quick, I’ll be safe
Get to the ladder, shit, and I’m too late
It’s in the hooves of the enemy
Bucket full of snowballs, them tryna finish me
They didn’t calculate that earth pony in though
Bucked a snowman through the window, that’s how I buckin

FIGHT
FIGHT
Fill your hooves with snow
Keep your head low
No winter wrap up
We gonna snowball
FIGHT
Took a hit to the hat
Water down my back
Hardpack snow
I’m throwing that like
FIGHT
Got a shot to the flank
I can take that
Tank while buck these
Balls perfect aim and
FIGHT

So basically they’re facing a devastation
I was lifting weights while they were in the basement stroking their snakes and
I’m taking aim and letting ‘em rain with perfect placement
A minute ago I was the prey but now I chase them
Call me Frosty Flakes ‘cause I’m hunting like a carnivore
You’re my little fishes; I’m a shark in the metaphor
Metamorphosing me into a monster straight outta Kafka
A cockroach even a nuclear bomb can’t topple
I’m Godzilla mixed with Mothra: unstoppable
Elemental, force of nature, and going to war like a crusader
Snowball in my hoof Then I let it go like I’m Elsa
I’m like the opposite of a Primarch with a melta
I’m going to hell to make sure it freezes over
Opening fire so they duck and un for cover
You’ll fight in the shade cause I’m fixing to put the light out
Right now the blizzard conditions are a white out inside this snowball

FIGHT
FIGHT
Fill your hooves with snow
Keep your head low
No winter wrap up
We gonna snowball
FIGHT
Took a hit to the hat
Water down my back
Hardpack snow
I’m throwing that like
FIGHT
Got a shot to the flank
I can take that
Tank while buck these
Balls perfect aim and
FIGHT