Uploaded April 2026 | Updated September 2026, 6 hours ago
On this week's episode of Where Should We Begin? with Esther Perel: When we become parents, many of us quietly promise ourselves that we won't be like our parents. We're going to do it differently. This week’s caller finds herself wrestling with a deeper question: Is her longing for another child born from genuine desire or from defiance? Is she doing this to prove she's not like her mother? Or, is she doing it because after a traumatic labor, she's now yearning for an idealized birth experience. Is this selfish? Is it a betrayal of her husband and her twins? Or does she genuinely want another child? She explores traumatic labor, giving birth during COVID, and her PTSD with Esther.
Chapters
00:00 Why Does This Trauma Still Feel So Alive?
01:04 What Is She Really Asking for?
05:54 How Dangerous Would Another Pregnancy Be?
08:14 What Was It Like to Give Birth Alone During COVID?
10:21 Why Does Her Body Still Feel Unsafe After Birth?
13:04 Can EMDR Help Her Process This Trauma?
15:04 What Is She Hoping Another Baby Will Give Her?
17:07 Why Is It So Hard to Slow Down This Decision?
18:46 Is She Seeking Repair or Repeating the Past?
20:16 Is This Actually PTSD?
20:40 Why Does the Story Replay Moment by Moment?
21:33 How Do Guilt and Shame Keep Her Stuck?
22:53 Who Is Protecting Her When She Can’t?
24:54 Is Her Strength Also Putting Her at Risk?
26:13 How Is Her Childhood Still Shaping This Choice?
30:28 Is Her Sense of Power an Illusion?
32:36 What Lies Between Her and the “Castle”?
34:03 Is This Desire or Defiance?
37:47 Can She Make This Choice for Herself?
About Where Should We Begin?:
Every Monday morning, step into the office of iconic psychotherapist Esther Perel and listen in as real people in search of insight bare the raw, intimate, and profound details of their stories. From breakups and open relationships to workplace conflicts and fractures in the family, it’s a place to hear our own stories reflected in the lives of others.
About Esther Perel:
Psychotherapist, relationship expert, and New York Times bestselling author Esther Perel is recognized as one of today’s most insightful and original voices on modern relationships. Fluent in nine languages, she helms a therapy practice in New York City and serves as an organizational consultant for Fortune 500 companies around the world. Her celebrated TED Talks have garnered more than 40 million views and her bestselling books, Mating in Captivity and The State of Affairs, are global phenomena translated into more than 30 languages. Esther is also the host of the hit podcast Where Should We Begin? which is available on Apple Podcasts. Learn more at EstherPerel.com or by following @EstherPerelOfficial on Instagram.
On this week's episode of Where Should We Begin? with Esther Perel: When we become parents, many of us quietly promise ourselves that we won't be like our parents. We're going to do it differently. This week’s caller finds herself wrestling with a deeper question: Is her longing for another child born from genuine desire or from defiance? Is she doing this to prove she's not like her mother? Or, is she doing it because after a traumatic labor, she's now yearning for an idealized birth experience. Is this selfish? Is it a betrayal of her husband and her twins? Or does she genuinely want another child? She explores traumatic labor, giving birth during COVID, and her PTSD with Esther.
Chapters
00:00 Why Does This Trauma Still Feel So Alive?
01:04 What Is She Really Asking for?
05:54 How Dangerous Would Another Pregnancy Be?
08:14 What Was It Like to Give Birth Alone During COVID?
10:21 Why Does Her Body Still Feel Unsafe After Birth?
13:04 Can EMDR Help Her Process This Trauma?
15:04 What Is She Hoping Another Baby Will Give Her?
17:07 Why Is It So Hard to Slow Down This Decision?
18:46 Is She Seeking Repair or Repeating the Past?
20:16 Is This Actually PTSD?
20:40 Why Does the Story Replay Moment by Moment?
21:33 How Do Guilt and Shame Keep Her Stuck?
22:53 Who Is Protecting Her When She Can’t?
24:54 Is Her Strength Also Putting Her at Risk?
26:13 How Is Her Childhood Still Shaping This Choice?
30:28 Is Her Sense of Power an Illusion?
32:36 What Lies Between Her and the “Castle”?
34:03 Is This Desire or Defiance?
37:47 Can She Make This Choice for Herself?
About Where Should We Begin?:
Every Monday morning, step into the office of iconic psychotherapist Esther Perel and listen in as real people in search of insight bare the raw, intimate, and profound details of their stories. From breakups and open relationships to workplace conflicts and fractures in the family, it’s a place to hear our own stories reflected in the lives of others.
About Esther Perel:
Psychotherapist, relationship expert, and New York Times bestselling author Esther Perel is recognized as one of today’s most insightful and original voices on modern relationships. Fluent in nine languages, she helms a therapy practice in New York City and serves as an organizational consultant for Fortune 500 companies around the world. Her celebrated TED Talks have garnered more than 40 million views and her bestselling books, Mating in Captivity and The State of Affairs, are global phenomena translated into more than 30 languages. Esther is also the host of the hit podcast Where Should We Begin? which is available on Apple Podcasts. Learn more at EstherPerel.com or by following @EstherPerelOfficial on Instagram.
